I wanna be friends with my coworker but I kinda have a crush on him
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vocal heron
vocal heron
PLEASE HELP ME I wanna be friends with my coworker but I kinda have a crush on him
kind phoenix
In your place I would try to find out the things that make him happy, then do those things. Sometimes if you ask people they tell you but usually people won't say or don't really know what makes them happy, so generally it's better to figure it out on your own or from other people that know him. Also don't forget about your own happiness, trying too hard to please others sometimes makes us forget ourselves.
kind phoenix
Yeah you should probably be more indirect about it, people can get defensive about things like that. Maybe just casually try to get to know him, find out what he likes. He says he likes anime? Hey, there's something that makes him happy. I know I would appreciate it if someone cared for me like that. You can also watch out for the things that make him smile or set him in a positive mood. The first girl I ever fell in love with was someone who paid attention to me, listened, and did things that made me feel good. And I fell in love with her HARD because of that. So good luck:)
kind phoenix
Just a disclaimer I'm not an expert, so do take what I say with a grain of salt.
But in the hypothetical where he likes anime, perhaps you could then find out which specific ones he likes. The more you get to know someone, the better sense you can have of how to make them happy. Maybe what would make him happy in this scenario is just having someone to talk to about his favorite animes. This could naturally lead into a hangout or date where you two watch anime together. Alternatively you could give him a gift related to whatever anime he watches, like a plushy or a keychain. I think it'd be good to start small, whatever it is he likes, so you can see how he reacts, whether you're getting hot or cold. Besides, that way it won't be so obvious to him what you're doing.
kind phoenix
Well, it'll depend on what it is he likes. Maybe he doesn't like gifts. Maybe he's weird and never watches TV or plays games. You never know. That's why paying attention and listening to him with an open mind is key. That alone can make someone happy, because it's rare to have someone who truly listens to you and cares.
kind phoenix
Yes. Remember not to be too obvious, and also don't lose yourself so much in making him happy that you forget to make yourself happy.
kind phoenix
There you go. I hope you succeed.
kind phoenix
Hmm, why not just start getting to know him? The way you worded it might make him feel self-conscious. Another thing you could try is teasing him, making jokes. An example of teasing him might be to throw something small at him, or make fun of something trivial about him, something that won't hurt his feelings. You don't have to force anything, the whole idea is for the two of you to be at ease. Humor always eases tension. Let it flow naturally. If it feels more natural to ask him "What do you like?" directly, then in that moment the direct approach is probably better. An indirect way to figure out what he likes is to just start talking about something and watching how he reacts to it, like a game of hot or cold: whatever is making him smile or feel positive you lean more into (hot), whatever leaves him uncomfortable or feeling bad you veer away from (cold). I know when we like someone we can get really into our own heads about it, start overthinking stuff. To avoid that you could simplify things to the max and just think of something you like about him and compliment him on it next time you see him. Whether or not it turns into a conversation you can say that you talked to him that day, and that's good. It can take some time for two people to get comfortable with each other and to create a real connection. Everything starts from a seed. The next day you could start asking him what he likes or playing that hot or cold game. These are just examples, just things I might do in your place, I'm not prescribing you anything or telling you "this is the right way, the only way." These are just ideas, options you could try out.
kind phoenix
You'll be fine, no pressure
kind phoenix
Probably doesn't know what to say, he told you he isn't a really social dude. Don't panic, let him feel at ease. Y'all still work together right? That makes it easy to patch things up
kind phoenix
The success or failure of love is going to depend on you. Leave it up to outside factors and you'll lose him, or anyone else you'll ever like
kind phoenix
Go back, read my messages. I never said to force anything. It's alright, it's not the end of the world if he isn't interested. You live and learn. Things like these take practice.
Practicing is how you'll synthesize everything above. Right now it's probably just a bunch of information you can't make heads or tails of. Practice will show you when to use what.
kind phoenix
Just so yk btw I saw your friend request, not ignoring it I just don't add people before I get to know them better
kind phoenix
Discord is weird about that. I'll add u
bold kestrel
Ask yourself this then. Are you in love (or crushing as the case may be) with the person, or the idea of that person? Because if it's just the idea, then realize that it's never going to be. The sooner you realize which it actually is, and you should genuinely think about the question and your answer, the sooner you can actually go forward. Because then you need to realize that he might not like you the same way that you like him. He might not have the same interests that you do.
bold kestrel
Then realize it's skin deep and move on. It's the best advice anyone can actually give you, because if he doesn't like you then at most he'd be using you for sex. And while you may both enjoy the act, you won't have a lasting, let alone working, relationship on that alone.