Im not sure if I should be worried | The Therapy Center | Page 1

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 4:46 AM

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So before I say this I should should say this has been happening for around 3 years at this point and im starting to realize I dont think its normal. Basically everyday ill be doing something random and my inner monologue will just be saying very horrible messed up things non stop. A good example is walking to school and ill just hear something in my head saying things like "||kill|| them" "they dont deserve to live" and things like that and it will continue for hours at a time then itll stop for a few hours or the rest of the day and then it will restart. I am not a violent person I cannot attack someone for no reason thats against my everything its just extremely hard to deal with.

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:04 AM

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I had something similar a while back (I forgot I even had it until I read your issue) and I think the root of mine was people i disliked or being in a place I disliked

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Now that I'm not around people I didn't like or places I didn't like it's something I don't have thoughts about anymore

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:07 AM

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gilded wigeon I had something similar a while back (I forgot I even had it until I read your i...

I honestly have not noticed anything like that

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it will happen anywhere anytime and I cant predict it

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:07 AM

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Can you give me an example if that's not too much to ask?

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:09 AM

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Well I was walking to school and I had a knife because im in a sketchy area and I could just hear something in my brain yelling to kill the people walking by because they didnt deserve to be alive

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Never seen the people before in my life it was just 3 people walking nothing suspicious

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:11 AM

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It almost sounds like to me in that particular situation you're skeptical of a "sketchy area" so you bring a knife right? Only reason you'd bring a knife is if you're expecting or weary of someone you don't like in an area you don't like

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It's all tied to negativity or at least that's what I thought for mine

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:12 AM

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Thats just a recentl example

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:12 AM

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Do you have any examples where you are having a good time and then just randomly decide that someone nearby should just be killed?

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:13 AM

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gilded wigeon Do you have any examples where you are having a good time and then just randomly...

Walking to my fishing spot

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I was in such a great mood

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I was jamming out to music ready to catch some fish then it just flipped

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The only thing I have been able to do without that ever happening is fishing

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Im not worried about acting out on one voices/thoughts because I am not a violent person but it gets super hard to deal with

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:15 AM

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How frequently does it happen per day?

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:15 AM

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It usually only happens once but it will be consistent for anywhere from 1-4h

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:16 AM

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Consistent as in nearly everyone you see?

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:16 AM

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yes

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:16 AM

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No matter how they look or seem?

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:16 AM

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Everyone walking by

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some days it will happen all day others not long

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:17 AM

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If you distract yourself does it go away?

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:18 AM

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my mind will get distracted by that again

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Like I legitimiately do not know what causes it why it happens what I can do different im just lost

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:19 AM

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Well I don't blame you

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Is the only thing your inner monologue talks about is killing people during the hourly episodes?

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:21 AM

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I dont even know if its my inner monologue anymore because I can think about multiple things during it

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everything is just overshadowed by that

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I dont even remember what happened when it first started

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all I know is it was during quarantine

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:22 AM

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Well you don't have schizophrenia right?

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If not this is a pretty interesting situation you're stuck with

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:24 AM

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Not diagnosed with it no

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:24 AM

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And from the sounds of it you don't see things that aren't there

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:24 AM

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I don’t

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:24 AM

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I'm sure you would've brought that up

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:25 AM

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I always tried to push it aside thinking it was just normal and would go away soon

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:26 AM

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I'd say I had the same issue for about as long as you had yours

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But mine wasn't as severe as you describe

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For example everytime I was at school and what not and I saw someone I didn't like occasionally I would think to myself. "What if I just beat the shit out of that guy?" And then would think about consequences, aftermath ect...

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But I would happen once and then that would be it

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I'd think to myself "what a horrible thought" and be on with my day

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It's almost disturbing to think about how many people could think about the same thing as well such as yourself

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And for no reason either

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It's not like it's their fault

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:30 AM

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gilded wigeon For example everytime I was at school and what not and I saw someone I didn't li...

It’s sometimes like that bug it’s usually a lot worse

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:31 AM

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You said you think it started during the pandemic right?

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:32 AM

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Yes

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:34 AM

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Where were you for the majority of the lockdown?

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:34 AM

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Inside

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My house

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:35 AM

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Alone?

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:35 AM

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With my mom and sister

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:35 AM

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Doing what other than school

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:36 AM

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Playing video games and fishing

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:38 AM

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Do you reckon think this would be caused via trauma by chance? Like from an incident?

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Or did the lock down go as swimmingly as it could've

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As in you just kinda sat around and did what you had to and what you liked and attempted to make the best of it

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:39 AM

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Lockdown sucked but I really don’t know what happened that could’ve caused it

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:39 AM

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Sucked why

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:40 AM

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It was boring

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I couldn’t do much of what I wanted to do

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:41 AM

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But you must've saw a decent amount of people since you said that you think it started during the lock down

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:42 AM

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Not too many

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:44 AM

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When this kind of thing happens have you ever tried to just relocate yourself somewhere devoid of people?

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As difficult as that may be in some places

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:46 AM

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I have a few times and it mostly helps but it’s not 100%

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:46 AM

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I'm guessing you happen to remember faces of some people and you just can't forget?

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Or at least for the time that you'd think about people dying?

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At least that helps that's quite a start

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 5:48 AM

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Second option

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The main thing that helps me deal with everything is going fishing

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 5:53 AM

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And is there a particular time you've noticed it happens more?

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Or can it just happen as often in the morning or noon as it can at night

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It almost seems like a tendency you've developed from being down in the dumps from the pandemic

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Despite that positive things you do happen to overshadow it

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But not fully

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 6:18 AM

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gilded wigeon Or can it just happen as often in the morning or noon as it can at night

Honestly noticed no difference there might be one but I haven’t paid attention

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Sorry for late reply I’m falling asleep

gilded wigeon Oct 21, 2024, 6:20 AM

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To be perfectly honest it just seems like an after effect of being unhappy for an extended period of time in covid and you're still recovering from it. As long as you don't end up acting upon your monologue or they don't become urges you should grow out of it

cunning reef Oct 21, 2024, 6:23 AM

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gilded wigeon To be perfectly honest it just seems like an after effect of being unhappy for a...

Hopefully that means it’ll be done soon it’s definitely gotten increasingly difficult to deal with it

#Im not sure if I should be worried