#MJs random thoughts

74 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

fading wharf
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I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure such suffering and pain all this time, I have no way of understanding such a great loss but perhaps think of it like this maybe try and celebrate her life cherish the good you had with her and when you think of your sister it’s in a light of gratitude rather than sorrow she can guide you almost, I know life doesn’t seem fair sometimes or we tend to feel like we have the short end of the stick but remember life is a marathon not a race there’s ups and downs but it’s up to us with how we choose to live either letting negativity cloud our mind and judgment or embracing love and joy. I know I’m just a stranger and you don’t know me and neither do I know you but please don’t resort to such harmful things like suicide or self harm as typical as this sounds it’s true. It solves nothing, think of life as a big puzzle game that we play each piece a core memory of our lives we slowly gain and put together by ending your ties short it’ll ensure that puzzle is incomplete leaving your loved ones worried and upset but most of all you’d have lost your life. NO MATTER WHAT ALL LIVES ARE EQUAL and the same, you should never trade nor give up a life as Seneca once said “sometimes to live is courage itself”

jaunty berry
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It's 10/21/24, today's my brothers birthday, I was on FaceTime with him for a bit, he's in Germany but at least we got to talk.

3rd day in the hospital. Thought I was getting out but apparently not. Got some "good news" if that's what you would call it, uh the baby's a boy, so congrats to me ig. I'm still washy about this whole situation.

It wasn't eventual, but it wasn't a bad day either ig. I find myself distancing myself from ppl lately, but im trying to talk to ppl more
Just trying..

Me and my bf didn't talk at all today despite the he's been talking to literally everyone else but who am I to complain

Soo, ig that's the highlights of my day. Thanks for reading strangers! ❤️

jaunty berry
fading wharf
# jaunty berry Sorry I never I replied, I never know how to respond when people say genuine nic...

It’s fine don’t beat yourself over for it I just wanted to let you know my thoughts on the situation it could always get better trust me like I always say don’t let 1 second ruin the other 86,399 seconds of the day and don’t rely on others for happiness. As harsh as it may sound it’s the truth people come and go but you, you’re always there for yourself. So invest in yourself if possible🙏

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Also I’m glad you and your brother spoke I hope you did enjoy it, and congratulations on the baby boy as well

jaunty berry
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10/22/24

It was a boring day kinda. I went to drama club, that's pretty much the only interesting thing that happened.

I didn't see my mom, which in my eyes was the best thing ever.

I mostly just chilled in my dorm and did extra work, grades come out like in 8 days I think so, gotta fix my life before my mom finds out I'm not a straight A student.

It's bad enough I'm hiding "other things" from her. Don't want to have to hide my grades to.

Anyways, that was a boring recap of yesterday. Bye strangers! ❤️

jaunty berry
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10/23/24

Missed a day but it wasn't all that special.
Those urges, yk to hurt myself and those thoughts telling me to do lets just say "bad things" I didn't let them win, but I did have a episode. Small panic attack, but nothing new, just a bunch of people at school recording me, laughing, and whispering. I can't say that's new to me though, no matter where I am, as long as I'm in public having a episode people record and do nothing. My cousin helped me this time though. I'm glad he was there and I wasn't alone.

Did you know that sour candy can stop a panic attack? Because I didn't. The nurse quite literally shoved some sour heads into my mouth after she told me to open it. I get this very odd feeling when I eat sour stuff, I guess everyone does. Either way, that crap snapped me back into reality hella fast.
Maybe this is on of those things you look back at and laugh. Idk

I feel like at those point it's getting harder to hide the not to obvious fact that I'm pregnant.
Loose clothes and baggy wear has been doing me wonders. And I'm surprised at myself for making it 4 months. Not really a pat on the back though.

Maybe this is to personal, but other then my older sister (who's a doctor) nobody has been able to give me solid advice. I know it's probably to late to get an abortion, and wouldn't I need a parent for that? Yeah no my mom's not finding out about this.

People say babies change your life and that's definitely true. I've been more determined to take care of myself lately, even tho I'm unmotivated, I've been forcing myself to quit drinking vodka and get back up to the healthy girl I once was. Yay me? I guess so

Thanks for reading strangers. ❤️

jaunty berry
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10/24/24

Day 24, year 24. How funny. Anyways today was uh decent?
I got in my feelings because my boyfriend was kinda being insensitive about I mean like I said before. What was I expecting from am online relationship? Although, I have seen him irl. We just live in different states.

School was school, I just stayed on my dorm, did my classes online like usual.

Honestly Other then my dorm mates who r my close friends since elementary school/middle school. I haven't been talking to anyone. Idk why but I sort of blocked everyone out. I'm a bad friend for that ik.

Anyways, thanks for reading strangers ❤️

jaunty berry
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10/25/25

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I lashed out on my friends today and idk why. I feel really bad about it now. Theyve been pretty nice and supportive and idk why I just randomly got mad and frustrated.

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I dont want to talk to them

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I dont really want to talk to anyone

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but myself ofc

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thats something I do alot but atp who doesnt?

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I hope one day I can fix myself though

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thats all I really have to say

jaunty berry
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10/26/24

My friend started to spam call me and kinda forced me into a vc with him and a couple of other close friends. We ended up talking for hours about problems and why ive been distancing myself.

I guess u could say everything worked out
But for some reason I still feel incomplete
You know how you get that feeling you forgot something? It's just like that but it feels like I have some kind of unfinished business.
It's an odd feeling

I took care of my sisters and my friends baby while my mom was at work. I owed my friend a favor anyways and I'm glad she got to be a kid again while I watched her baby. She's cute. And at least she listens to me unlike my little sisters smh. It wasn't all bad tho

I ate today to, which is ofc sownthing I do everyday kinda but today I actually felt full after I ate. Ive been trying to follow this meal plan my bsf put me on like weeks ago. Today's the first day I genuinely tried to go by it tho. And I felt good.

On top of that I decided to go for a run. I got out of breath very fast but my sister says it's normal during pregnancy.
I suppose it's better to keep pushing through tho. I don't have time to give up

Anyways, like always, thanks for reading strangers ❤️

jaunty berry
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10/27/24

Boring day tbh. Mom went to work and left me with my siblings and cousins.
I felt like I was gonna have a stroke.
But I'm used to watching kids.
It's just annoying

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10/28/24

In school rn. I take online classes so I can basically do what I want. Ofc, I don't abuse that tho.

  1. My mom would kill me if i get anything other then a A or B. Even a B will piss her off
  2. I've learned that your worth Is looked at by your grades or your money. Since I'm a minor, my worth is most likely looked at by my grades. So keeping my 4.0 shows that I'm worth something.
    Thats what my aunt says.
    Mostly my whole family really. Ofc some of them say different, but the minority are always the "outcasts" if the family that everyone kind of hates.
    I don't was to be an outcast in my own family
    I don't want to be excluded either.
    I know i changed the subject real fast but that's been something suck to my brain for awhile now.
jaunty berry
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Wow today was alot, but it was surprisingly good

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I feel good

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And actually tired

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But not a bad tired like a I actually want to go to sleep tired

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I guess I'll finally get that 8 hours for the first time in years

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Should I thank beyonce?

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Lol I'll sleep on that

jaunty berry
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It was a good day

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It really was

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I dont know why I let ppl ruin my day

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Its stupid really

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U try so hard to care and love someone

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then all u get back I get back is "Your hard to care about. Your always being annoying"

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Is it do bad I wanted my own bf to talk to me?

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we havent talked in weeks

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I just wanted to talk to u

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but ig I was being pushy and annoying as always

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idk why I do this to myself

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I tried so hard to be his "type" or whatever

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He said he loved me

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alot of ppl said they loved me

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and alot of ppl cheated, used, and lied to me

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idk why I still believe that anyone would ever love someone like me

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Im better off dead, tbh

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but im supposed to be "better"

jaunty berry
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<@&993332385670246420>

I did it. I listened to my friends advice that they've been giving me for along time and I broke up with my toxic bf

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Ex now ig

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I'm not excited about it

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And I don't feel free

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But ig it's a process

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He did what I thought he was going to do and went to the server that our friend group has and "exposed me" for it to

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I was embarrassed and just left but my friends came by my side which I was grateful for

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And i was thinking, maybe i just need to do things right this time. Ik it's not healthy to isolate urself, but it's the only way ik how to get rid of this type of pain

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It's easy to ignore physical wounds, but I've always found it hard to ignore the ones on the inside

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Mostly bc their like voices, cutting at the edges of my head, ears, and skull

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My own mind turns against me. Then again, my mind was never on my side to begin with

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But it's not like I'm letting it win

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Usually by now I would have, yk tried to drink a bottle of alcohol, smoke it off, or cut myself

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But I just took a sleeping pill and went to sleep

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Ig that's not any better bc they weren't my pills

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But I'm trying

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That counts doesn't it?

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I hope it does

jaunty berry
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Don't have much to say about yesterday. I just wrote alot and drew some stuff

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But uh anyways <@&993332385670246420>

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My day was decent

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Until I just found out my older sister has onlyfans

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I dont judge

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But i looked up to her

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Alot

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Idk how to feel about this

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Does anyone know how it feels to find out a family member u looked up to is doing something yk "wrong"?

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It IS wrong right?

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Im not trippin am I?