polygamist fell in love

[meager lantern]

there's this girl, she's 23, and she's like 7 years older than me

i usually go to girls for hooking up, like "hey, kate, let's hook up" and then kinda you know, she can either say yes or no, gonna act accordingly

but she kinda grabbed my heart

after confessing both my sexual desire and etc

she just laughed, she's cute, i flirt with her alot

we go to the same church

and bible studies

she's like perfect, fell very hard for her, but now listening to some morphic fields, energetic audios on heartache healer + person releaser

commitment issues, attachment and other shit must be released

my greatest fear was her finding another boyfriend or like getting some abusive husband

but now it's released

these audios help though, maybe just placebo effect

grief, and anger, some desire

grief is usually.. it's like you're attached to someone, and you're losing her

while anger is like you expect her to be only yours, and at the same time you want her to acknowledge your efforts

while desire is obviously yeah, it's you lacking her, like air

the hardest and most important part is to detach and see every experience as gain

there's this deep grief, deep inside you know you can't run tf away.

you can't repress it. or expressing it is stupid as well.

just let go. let it be. let it run out.

bit by bit. start with the finger of the monster.

so yep. never expected for life to work out this way. never.

gotta acknowledge. she also tries hard to let me be. she also expects me to be a certain way as well.

never knew one can feel it THAT deeply.

it's like someone is grabbing my heart, squeezing it, and then literally putting nails in it.

but you know. time to let go. grief's opposite is joy.