During my 18 years of living I've found that I've always needed an obsession in life. Something to endlessly learn about and talk about. Something to try to obtain for myself. Somewhere along the continuous stream, I found myself enthralled by objectivity. The ultimate way for a human to be. To be able to discern without their own bias, to choose without emotions and impulse. A perfect form of being to fund the best option in any outcome. As I strived for this goal, this ultimatum, I failed to notice the fatal flaw of such a immense idea. A flaw so obviously ugly, covered by the beauty of this ideology. That when you take yourself out of the equation, you start to no longer exist. And so as I began to incorporate my obsession into my character, I forgot about me. I was losing my sense of self. The very nature of my being was slipping from my grasp. However I was oblivious to this. I was living in bliss of achieving my goal, unaware of the monstrosities that await on the other side of that goal. Slowly, I began to krice that I no longer was me. I didn't feel real. I didn't feel alive. I was lost in who I was. My care for everything left me as reality seemed farther and farther away. Nothing shakes my hear anymore. Nothing is important. If I were to crash I wouldn't worry as it's just a passing moment in life. If someone were to die in my life, no sorrow would grip my heart, as my religion solidifies an opportunity to reunite with them. No moment in life brought stress, worry, sorrow, or even true happiness. Who I am disappeared in this ever starving, ever consuming cloud of objectivity. I could not even find it in me to hate a person as they had no significance to me. Death was the only release and comfort from my labor, but to kill myslef was never a thought that occurred as I did not care enough to bring my life to an end. So I found myself in a mental state of despair, void of hope. For all eternity I would feel nothing, be nothing, want for nothing.
#To Whom it May Concern
ashen forge
Praises be to my Savior, Jesus Christ, who brings mercy and rest to my weary soul. Praise be to Him for giving me a new identity, a new purpose, a new life. Praise be to my God for showing me miracles and giving me a life of choice. Praise be to the Price of Peace, the Son of God, Jesus the Christ. A healer, a teacher, a light, a path, a friend, a brother. A Savior. To Him will I sing praises forever.
If anyone is in a situation where they need help, lean on the only man who cannot fail. Lean on Jesus. It may not be easy, and He will not take away you're pain. But he will make you strong enough to bear it.
He loves you
I promise you He loves you.
God bless 🙏🙏
P.S. I'm leaving for 2 years to go across the country to serve him, somtheing completely illogical. For that I there must be something special, there must be faith. And I do belive. I fully believe
torpid mantle
During my 18 years of living I've found that I've always needed an obsession in ...
Ecclesiastes 1:2
“Meaningless! Meaningless!”
says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.”
King Solomon's writings in the book of Ecclesiastes resonate with me. As do your words. They are similar. At 18, you have come to the conclusion of a person who has been called the wisest man to have ever lived.
So, enjoy your living. because why not? That's his conclusion, anyways
Ecclesiastes 3:22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?