boyfriend of a month being weird

[mossy talon]

A few days before he goes back home for the weekend he tells me his snapchat account got banned. I believed him but then found out i was blocked. I freaked out, called him and asked why he would do that and lie to me. His response was that he was upset that my snapscore kept going up and he just blocked me and deleted snapchat. After that argument i decided to believe him and move forward but he told me not to search up his family members and stuff and so on (i didn't i just saw his facebook on my recommended). I then proceeded to find out that he lied to me about an instagram account with his name not being his, althought it is. He told me he does not have acces to that account (but somehow i get blocked by that account when i mentioned it) and that it is old. I found out this morning he lied to me about that as well because i had a gut feeling and decided to check that instagram account on my alt and saw that there are recent threads he posted of his step sister that caption "forever and always with you", as well as "all i need :)". I sent him a message out of emotion about the pictures of him and his stepsister saying that i think he lied to me about her (keep in mind hes back home at the moment where she lives). He never replied to me, he is currently on the plane. I apologized in another message for accusing him instead of asking what was wrong but told him that i am very upset he lied to me and that although i promised to not "snoop" he also promised not to lie to me. I think he will probably break up with me becaue i was "snooping", but of course ill be breaking up with him if hes truly cheating. I want this to work out because things seem to have been going well. Any advice on what to do when he arrives to our city from his plane trip?

[lofty sail]

Hey it's ok

It's not your fault

[rose void]

Even assuming he isn't cheating, the compulsive lying and manipulating you to think you are the one who is to blame is already bad enough to leave. Doesn't sound like he cares about how you feel about the situation and is just using you for what he needs. A relationship should always be 2 people wanting each other to grow and develop trust. If he's shifting the truth like that then you need to decide if this person actually cares for you or if he only cares for himself. Every person you give your time to is an emotional/time investment, and time is the only currency you can only spend so use it wisely.

[mossy talon]

i really like him tho and hes been like a bestfriend to me and although i know lying like this isn't normal or healthy i wanna give him like the benifit of the doubt because this is actually the first person to treat me well. Decently well at least because hes the first one to always wanna hang out with me and play video games with me as well

[rose void]

So time spent and loving someone doesn't equivalate to what is needed in an actual healthy relationship... people can spend 24/7 with someone that abuses and mistreats them. However I will just say this, you can't control what other people do you can only control your own actions, and dont base people on the "idea" of them but rather who they are presently. That being said, can you continuously be with a person who lies to you, and makes you feel the way you do? Especially when he's showing you this so early in the relationship.

[nimble wolf]

A man can give you his all time+attention and still not love you.

[mossy talon]

yeah i wouldnt want this to drag on knowing he will most likely continue lying to me

[rose void]

So now the question is... are you going to pour an exorbitant amount of time and emotion to try to change someone who may or may not change? It's up to you to decide.

[mossy talon]

realistically its going to be hard for me to leave him in the moment cause of my anxious attachment but i've put myself through this so many times in the past and i value myself so much more than that. Im gonna have a serious conversation with him and if he tries to pin this back on me snooping and making himself the victim ill just call it wraps to this relationship

[rose void]

Stay strong. You got this. Either way I'm cheering for your peace of mind and one day your happiness..

[mossy talon]

thank you so much for your thoughts

[lofty sail]

Stay strong

[still fiber]

I can really feel how tough this situation is for you, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling hurt and confused. It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot of mixed signals and dishonesty, and that’s never easy in a relationship, especially when you care so much. It’s good that you expressed your feelings and apologized for reacting emotionally, but at the same time, you have every right to feel upset about being lied to.

When he gets back, it might help to have an honest, calm conversation. Express how his actions have made you feel without attacking him, and ask for the same openness in return. If he values the relationship and wants it to work, he’ll be willing to have that conversation and take responsibility for his part. If things do end, know that it’s not a reflection of your worth—you deserve honesty and respect in any relationship.

Regardless of how this turns out, take care of your own emotional well-being first. You deserve clarity and truth, and no relationship should make you feel constantly unsure. If he's willing to work through things honestly, great. But if not, know that you’re strong enough to move forward on your own terms. (Although if I were u I wouldn’t want to deal with any of this and just distance myself but u do what makes u feel better)

[waxen heath]

Even if he's not cheating, that dude isn't really respecting you as a partner. Maybe you both click in terms of humor and clicking together when you play games n stuff. He would have been good if he actually sticks to his words, but he didn't show any signs of improvement. Nor did he show any signs of actually trying in the first place

Maybe you haven't really experienced this much bonding with a partner, though trust me. There's way better people out there that you deserve who can give you quality time and respect. Someone that's actually mature to be better for themselves as an individual. As well as to you as your partner

[still fiber]

I second this.

To put it bluntly u r just being drained and used in such relationship

[valid comet]

It's 1 month in and he got caught in a major lie. The trust has been broken and he isn't working towards rebuilding it.

Toxic ngl

[mossy talon]

yes! i did end up ghosting him because he wouldnt answer my questions and made it very obvious he was cheating and was just trying to manipulate me by asking me if i was going to stay and that im acting crazy and that i should be normal Lol

[mossy talon]

yes yes so glad its over cause someone like that will just keep lying

[still fiber]

Iam glad u got out of that relationship u r amazing and iam very proud of u<3

[mossy talon]

yeah clearly he wasnt respecting me at all and cheated on his girlfriend of years with me which is pretty insane anyways people do suck and im glad i realized before it was too late

[still fiber]

If u need to talk iam always here for u

[mossy talon]

thank you sm ur such a sweet person

[still fiber]

U r the sweet one^^