guys real question, my bf is uncomfortable because i have a classmate male so i offered him because his uber driver ditched him and so i offered him for a ride i can’t even drive my mom or brother will drop me and before that we are just friends and call each other bro and stuff reels cat videos because i have my cat so my bf feels uncomfortable and i said him i dont want to remove them because they are my friends he feels like unimportant but i know myself that i didn’t do anything wrong and he called me toxic behaviour and i’m using excuse “he’s just friend”
because respectful girl don’t do it
#need ur advice if i’m wrong or not
lofty pumice
frank garden
guys real question, my bf is uncomfortable because i have a classmate male so i ...
A bit of jealousy is natural and normal, but this is textbook toxicity and manipulation. its not unsalvegable, and you can have a conversation with him to fix this, but from what ive read he might flip it to be your fault, which at this point it totally is not. lemme list some things i find weird and or toxic
"He called me toxic behavior" - Gaslighting. By calling you toxic, your boyfriend is flipping the situation and making you question your own behavior, when in reality, maintaining friendships isn't inherently toxic
"He feels like unimportant" - Guilt-tripping. he's trying to make you feel bad or responsible for his insecurities. It's a way to shift the blame on you for not prioritizing his feelings over your friendships
"He said I’m using the excuse 'he’s just a friend'" - Dismissal of perspective. he's dismissing your boundaries and your truth. You're being clear that your classmate is just a friend, but he's disregarding your explanation by labeling it an "excuse." This is invalidating your feelings and twisting the situation to make it seem like your actions have a hidden agenda, which im assuming they dont
"Because a respectful girl wouldn’t do that" - wee woo wee woo, this is emotional manipulation. This is such a classic example that i feel like ive read this exact line in a psychology textbook
I realise that I may be excessively painting your boyfriend in a bad light, but I'll be honest with you, this aint normal behaviour. You can try to have a conversation with him about this, and maybe you can work things out, but for me he got so many red flags that its starting to look like the soviet union
frank garden
yes
id even go as far as to say that thats normal
not letting your partner see their friends is like, page 1 of manipulation tactics in a relationship
frank garden
i have no issues that if he met my friends
hold up lemme dm you something
as far as i can tell your relationship is honestly just not healthy and thats NOT your fault
then again, im not a lisenced psychologist or couple's counsellor + i might not be getting the full picture
but im like 95% confident
lofty pumice
@frank garden everyone says it to me
untold steppe
A bit of jealousy is natural and normal, but this is textbook toxicity and manip...
@lofty pumice agree with everything Sebka said here, i have been in a simmiliar situation but i would never say these things in this way, all of these things don't have to be toxic, but the way he brought them up is showing me that he may be a bit toxic himself.
"he feels like he's unimportant" could be a real concern but aslong as you show him affection its likely just a bit of insecurity which is fine if he recognises it
The third one is coming out of insecurity or fear for sure, either he's been in that situation before and doesn't trust you because of that, or its because he doesn't want you to "have friends" like that, which is... not good to say the least. he should have approached this in a different way for sure
the "he's just a friend" excuse is a real thing, but often times this is a situation where the girl "kinda likes" the friend already and is just a cheater at heart. If you've tried comforting him about that already this is a toxic thing to keep bringing up
the last one is just emotional manipulation like what was said