(I originally made this post in the relationship thread, but I have not got any responses from it and decided to try here instead. I will delete the original post following this post.)
I have this tendency towards assuming someone is attracted to me on flimsy evidence and then developing feelings for that person just because I think they are attracted to me which they never are.
I have discussed this with my therapist but the only thing she had told me is "it's okay to like people" which is not the advice I need right now.
This whole thing is effectively a cycle of self sabotage and I want to know if anyone knows of anyway I can prevent this from ever happening again.
#Unwanted Feelings
mint ingot
vivid kestrel
It is great that you are noticing this pattern in yourself. I agree with your therapist: it is okay to like people. It can feel great to like someone. It's also normal to be attracted to someone if they are attracted to you.
I hear that you are attracted to people based on a false pretense. This falsely begins your attraction. They are then not attracted to your attraction with them, as your attraction to them was falsely based.
You could talk to your therapist about your heightened sensitivity to others attraction toward you. You can also practice developing relationships where you feel attraction independent of how the you imagine the other person feels toward you. From personal experience, I find that my attraction to someone is strongest if I notice that I would like them independent of if they like me. If they feel the same way about me, then we have a strong bond. This is true for friends as well as romance.
mint ingot
Thank you for your input. I have discussed my sensitivity towards others attractions in the past and I told my therapist that it rooted in some deep self-loathing. I would assume that whoever liked me would no longer like me if they got to know me better so very often my initial reaction would be to push them away.
vivid kestrel
This deep self-loathing may exist inside of you, but it does not control you. Otherwise you wouldn't have made this post.
Self-sabotage is not your only way of being. That is something to be grateful for.
For your way of being which wants you to succeed: intimacy is like a flower. Don't pry open the bud. Don't snip it. Let it bloom.