Overly depressed

[somber fog]

Life has been taking its toll on me, School piling up, loads of negative thoughts sinking in, to the point of almost ending myself so many times, like actually, and stuff... And I couldn't even bring myself to continue life.. what do I do? I've been outcasted, always stuck in one room, I barely have any motivation to do what I love, and still have these negative thoughts sinking in.. what do I do?

[meager thorn]

Friends with whom you frequently share some enjoyment, a sense of achievement, and therapeutic conversations can only help you through these difficult times. I have experienced complete anhedonia twice in my life, and 'happiness' has never arrived as something expected. Instead for me at least, with enough trying stuff out and chaos, with enough perspective shifts and the the necessary craziness that comes with changing your core values, your previous life, that has for sure not died and just hidden will eventually become part of who you are again; the excessive amount of bad-history has in a sense attacked the vivid power of your subconsciousness, it no longer knows how to make use of the past like a powerful nourishment, instead you feel lifelong chains that keep your your previous life in prison. There is something you could call “the unhistorical”, the ability to forget and to enclose oneself in a limited horizon, every day before getting up and going to bed I do 3-5 minutes of guided mediation and sometimes warm showers with conscious breathing against my overthinking and feeling of being tied down, has helped me a lot to formulate clearer thoughts and perspectives; by temporarily closing the doors and windows of consciousness, from the noise and struggle with which our underworld of servant organs work for and against each other; a little silence, a little tabula rasa of consciousness, so that there is room again for something new, because he who cannot settle down on the verge of the moment, forgetting all the past, without dizziness and fear, will never know what happiness is. In my experience, it was usually the case that my therapist motivated me to deal critically with my feelings more often during the day, I went out with friends a bit more often, I had a sudden burst of happiness, and then everything was getting better again.

Also:

• Make sure you're getting adequate nutrition. Specifically, deficiencies in nutrients like vitamin D and marine omega-3s can contribute to depression.
• Keep a regular sleep schedule of no less than 7 and no more than 9 hours.
• Try to make friends, or at least have in-person interactions with other people on a daily basis.
• Might wanna do some fitness.
• If none of this helps, you might consider pharmaceuticals as a last resort. Maybe experiment with psychedelics or MDMA a few times before getting hooked on SSRIs or other "nasty" drugs.