#should I be ashamed/ feel bad of myself? is this normal?

168 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

misty cloak
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I don't exactly know if I'm a physcopath or something or this is out of pure anger and feeling of powerlessness. I think I do feel sympathy for innocent people and for animals but when some people are toxic and cold and keep laughing at what you tell them or say "they don't give a shit" when you tell them they're hurting others, I lose every bit of sympathy, I become like a physcopath, to the point where I'd barely care if they got killed, not only that but I can have severe thoughts of violence, I could explain how I fantasize about murdering them in deep detail. I just seriously had ENOUGH of these cold and toxic people, imagine these (can't say or it might get censored) who harras anyone who's minding their own business or someone who might have problems or wtv, and they keep laughing their asses off whenever you express anger or anything, they tell you "I don't give a shit😭" whenever you tell them that what they are doing is wrong, I think that's maybe the exact people I have to deal with like alot I think. I just don't understand why would people try defending them and say "killing them is too far" or even feel sympathy for them, you see these people like "humans with feelings" but I see them more like worthless sacks of cancer that deserve a slow and painful death, I think I really feel 0 sympathy for them at all, like idk if I can even try to feel a tiny bit of sympathy for these people at all.

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<@&993332385670246420>

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It feels like I just struggle greatly feeling ANY tiny bit of sympathy for these people, seriously, I mean what if their victims die, they might just make memes or some shit on their death, I seriously don't understand why people would try and defend these people from any harm and say it's "inhumane" to do such stuff to them.

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And I think often when I actually do things to greatly annoy them or more, it might become from "pure revenge" to actually just doing it for the fun of it

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I think I used to feel ALOT of sympathy for people before and I'd forgive people ALOT, I'd even feel happy to do so, rn it seems like I'm the complete opposite, maybe people just wronged me and others enough I lost every bit of faith and sympathy for humanity

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U might hate me for this idk

cedar storm
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hey

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im gonna change and talk

severe steppe
misty cloak
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I don't understand what's wrong with humans

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Especially these people

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Maybe physcopaths and sadistic or wtv people are much more common than one might think tbh.

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Maybe "nice" people are like a really really tiny minority if the world had 10K humans u can count these nice people tbfh

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I might seem "toxic" because I almost believe that almost everyone around me is shit

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I'd happily do things that my old "nice" self would feel really bad doing so

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If these shits won't stop I can seriously start doing anything to murder them in the slowest way possible

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They might even wanna make fun of their victims when they commit suicide

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Don't tell me it's "inhumane" or some shit to kill these worthless sacks of flesh in the most painful ways possible

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Idk if it's right or wrong, maybe more like I don't care that much, I'm just saying my opinion ig

severe steppe
# misty cloak I feel like I've lost alot of my nice personality I became more mean or smt

“But the worst enemy you can meet will always be yourself; you lie in wait for yourself in caverns and forests. Lonely one, you are going the way to yourself! And your way goes past yourself, and past your seven devils! You will be a heretic to yourself and witch and soothsayer and fool and doubter and unholy one and villain. You must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame: how could you become new, if you had not first become ashes?”

I'm unfortunately a philosophical pessimist and am all too familiar with suffering on Earth. I've made plans for myself in the past, but a painful death only makes sense in the context of a death penalty. The more you understand people and grasp a kind of determinism, the more this hate fades away, and it becomes less 'their' fault. At the same time, I must say that the problem cannot be this part: "Because we will always do harm. Most are bad." The mistake must be here: "It is hopeless." You can be better than them and don’t have to ruin your life unnecessarily. You can learn to process and forget, meditate and take warm showers to feel okay, go on vacations to distance yourself from your stained and already experienced hometown so you can completely redesign your perspective on the world in ways that weren’t possible for you before. Surround yourself with people who treat you well and look for goals that make you forget about the little things.

misty cloak
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Ty.

misty cloak
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But I might still hold alot of grudges and still act like a physcopath or smt.

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Ty anyway tho

misty cloak
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I feel like helping strangers or being nice to people around you is just ignorant.

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They could litterally be

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Sadistic physcopaths

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Or some shit

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they might just take advantage of u then turn on you, I feel like people are just so messed up

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It almost feels like

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Terrorists are the ones who should be praised

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If the average human is like this.

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Alot of people might hate me for this

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This is just me ig

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This is just how I feel, you want me to be honest with my feelings or keep lying so I don't get hated?

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If the average human is some dumb person who harrases anyone weak enough just for the fun of it, laughs at everything you tell them and can laugh at people's deaths and suicides, then it really feels like terrorists and killers are litterally heroes for doing all of this for these people.

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It feels like being kind to ANYONE you aren't close to can be a fatal mistake

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Like maybe even middle ages people idk maybe all ages maybe even toddlers

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Idk

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I feel like I'm having thoughts of a terrorist, I got told that I'm a danger to society and I think someone sarcastically said "bro would make a good terrorist"

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I just feel like

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The human race is just a chunk of wickedness

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I think I lost all faith for humanity

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Maybe someone can ACTUALLY show me ONE nice human?

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Or smth

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Might still be a very few minority idk but at least one single kind human is better than none, right?

misty cloak
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I mean read the message

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I'd hear of bullies making a meme of their victim killing themselves or smt

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I'd see a video of some woman showing some vid I think maybe laughing at another person at the window about to fall ig

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I get harrased and shit talked and I think they be laughing at my replies

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DO NOT expect me to not have thoughts of a terrorist who wants to end humanity, maybe that's still not normal but idk if I care, idk if I care that much about what a human thinks about me, I think I sometimes would feel like I'm being disrespected because I'm called a human.

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Don't blame me if I say people like terrorists and killers are like heroes in my eyes

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I feel like I've seen alot of messed up things done by humans, and maybe I've been experiencing like from the LEAST bad stuff, maybe ALOT of other innocent people had experienced stuff ALOT worse than I did, and of course from humans.

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Is it that I really saw like ONLY the darkest side of humanity but almost NEVER the bright side? Or humans are just a messed up civilization that terrorists and killers are maybe more like heroes.

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I don't exactly know, but for now i might sometimes feel like I'd rather be called a maggot on/in rotting flesh than be called a human.

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I kinda feel like calling someone a roach, an animal, a maggot is more honorable and respectful than calling them a human

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<@&993332385670246420> idk if u will hate me for this or if it's even my fault.

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In your opinion should I: try my best to kill almost every bit of kindness and sympathy left in me, or I shouldn't or what

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I mean ofc I wanna still have sympathy for non-humans ig

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Like compare an intestinal worm or something maybe just doing what it can to survive to a human who does messed up things for others just for the fun of it. Who is better?

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I'd say being the worm would be more respectful and honorable tbfh

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I still love people like my mom and dad

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But the majority of humanity I think I lost trust and sympathy in them

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Or at least almost all trust and sympathy

misty cloak
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And idk maybe don't insult or death threaten me or something if I really offended you, maybe I did a big mistake that I didn't know or mean

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I sometimes feel like I'm the only one who gets punished for their actions (I mean punished for expressing anger or something I think), not these messed up people getting what they might deserve

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I'm totally with innocent people, but when these people are these messed up people who wouldn't even care at all, I might lose every bit of sympathy for them, plus I have hatred for them ig, so it might be pretty natural and normal for me to feel like if they became a victim of a terrorist or a serial killer or something, my brain might force me to see this terrorist or serial killer as a real hero

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Is this a mental disorder in me or something

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Or like a symptom

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Or do I just act more aggressive than others or smth, I feel like I'm maybe more aggressive than others but I think I can hold my anger better than what I've actually thought

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Tho when I get angry it might be a bit disturbing to some people sometimes

misty cloak
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Like please before arguing with me or telling me anything maybe read all of what I said if you can

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I'm not saying that you should have the same mindset as me or smth ig

misty jackal
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I get what you're saying but hey don't you think you're sounding pretty sadistic yourself? You mentioned earlier that you do tend to act well around people who are nice and then you mentioned that one shouldn't be nice since you don't know if they turn out to be sociopaths or smthing. Then what do I do? Of course I cannot just STOP my interactions with humans and become sadistic thinking hey, everyone sucks anyways. What about the people you said were nice above? How'd you know they're not secretly sociopaths who laugh at what everyone does. This is the world, you have to accept it. There will be bad people, people with intentions that make us rage so much, but what does it do to you? Unless it is personally affecting you, you cannot act up on EVERYTHING in the surroundings. Yes, you can help out when needed, but cmon thinking of such bs is just ruining your mental health, taking up sm of your precious time and making you think everyones not good so you become distant from them.

The terrorists you are applauding, they are the sociopaths you understand me? Your POV is not mature at all. TERRORISTS, we are talking about people who KILL people for no reason, KILL people in giant masses however they want to kill them, just because they hate that particular community or are given money to do so. They are worse than most people you mentioned of acting as 'sociopaths' and laughing on people.
Cmon now like if you look at terrorists okay, they don't mind killing their own selves? One of the most important soul is your own, and they cannot even think twice before killing themselves and HUGE groups of people, burn them alive and what not. How can you applaud such evil minds and say that humans who 'laugh' on others, which is primarily because they are brats and arrogant and that usually subsides as they grow older and turn mature are worse?

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Sorry if this comes off rude or smthing, I am kind of running late so I hurried. I'll come back to this later fs

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and this is def NO ARGUMENT. Just a response after reading a certain few of your messages.

misty jackal
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I suggest you start looking at the good side of the world too cause these idiots who are 'laughing' are gonna be hit by karma and people worse than them and get their minds straight sooner or later. It's a cycle, its reality. You cannot choose to look at ONE part of it and hate it, theres also good in this reality.

The one laughing on a particular person would be protective of their own family and would go ham on someone who laughs on theirs. This is the nature of humans, animals, any living creature. Now you're questioning why nature does that? You gonna look at a carnivore hunting down some small animal and say that hey, thats bullying? No. It's a cycle.

Unless one is really a diagnosed 'sociopath' or 'psychopath', I hope you stop using these words. You haven't seen a real one, I have. These words aren't supposed to be used in layman's talks. Unless a person is really that, THERE IS NO HUMAN who is so evil. And the terrorists? they fall under these categories. So you don't get yourself worked up over random kids laughing at people or something. Cause someday someone else gonna laugh on them anyways. They cannot stay a predator forever right? Theres always a mighty-er prey.

Look at the world realistically. And assuming that you're still going to school, looking at your age in the 'roles', you are getting so worked up over maybe some school going bullies? These bullies I tell you are gonna regret most of what they've done in their school years. Because when they grow up, they cannot be bullies, they will learn moral unless they are again, a REAL sociopath or someone with psychological disorders which cause them ignorance from the existance of such things.

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I totally understand where you are coming from @misty cloak, looking at people do such things enrage me too. But am I becoming a sadist over a bunch of teenager bullies who will get their minds straight in a couple of years? No. I have enough to deal with in life. If a person requires help, I am so ready for it. But loosing my mind over it? Loosing my mental stability over this is not okay right? It just harms me. That is not good for me. I cannot go around help EVERYONE in this world. I am no superhero. I don't live in an ideal world where everyone is law-abiding and an angel.

So you help who you can, and I saw, its great you are controlling your temper 👍 just don't go crazy over stuff which you cannot control.

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Maybe a lot to read but I hope you read it through, @misty cloak. Sorry for the pings but I'd like it if you do end up reading and lmk your thoughts and pov?

misty cloak
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Ty

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I'm reading

misty jackal
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And pls don't be ashamed of yourself its not wrong to feel such a way, just slowly and steadly work on improving your temper as you are and you'll be able to accept things and be able to deal with your emotions well.

You know, you feeling sympathy shows that you have good emotions yourself, while you say you act like a sadist when you're angry or smthing. You aren't that much of a sadist. No one is. It's just situations where one chooses to be.

misty cloak
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I read it

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Idk if I can talk alot rn

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My mom really distracts and keeps screaming at me alot on really small things, I don't hate her but I hate her behavior alot it's really annoying

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And I highly doubt that any of these people will change

misty jackal
misty cloak
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I feel like these people could kill me if they want

misty jackal
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They don't want to, don't overthink about that. See why is your mom yelling? There must be a reason right? She wouldn't yell mindlessly ofc.

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This ages does feel like everyone is trying to be your enemy but they are so not doing that, they're just trying to help out but you dont need/want help and so it feels like a clash but pffft its not.

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I thought like you too alr dude, thats why I am saying all this stuff, don't think im super optimistic or smthing 💀

misty cloak
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Tt

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Ty

misty cloak
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I'm talking about these people who harras and shit talk others and stuff

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When you tell them it's wrong or something they might laugh their asses off and say "I don't give a shit 😭" and laugh at everything you say, if they really would get shocked if someone stabbed them or something then these are the worst people ever, they deserve everything to happen for them.

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They might start acting like the victim

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These people deserve everything bad happening to them, and I don't believe in karma or anything so

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It makes it harder

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And makes me more aggressive

misty jackal
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I thought you were talking about her

misty jackal
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Yeah those suck

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They are the worst sort of people

misty jackal
misty jackal
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I mean yeah those people suck but you need to get your aggressiveness under control yk

misty cloak
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Yea I'll try distract myself ig

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Or maybe just stab a dead animal or something and imagine it's them idk

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I stab trees usually

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Idk if that's ok

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I don't wanna harm the environment smh

misty cloak
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Just them being alive scares me and threatens my existence

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Ig

misty jackal
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just involve yourself into something productive or something that you like

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do you like gaming?

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play stuff

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or reading?

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anything at all

misty cloak
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I like biology and stuff

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I am an insect enthusiast

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I also can play games sometimes

misty jackal
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i suggest you devote more time to that

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it'd def keep you busy and calmer

misty cloak
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Ty

misty cloak
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@misty jackal I still feel really bad because some people are just terrible

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I'm still deeply disturbed by the idea that such people like these "HELP" sadistic ppl who keep shit talking and harrasing others exist, or I mean bullies, murderers and other ppl like this in general, I think I saw some bullies making a meme on their victim dying, I feel like no matter how much u try distract me I still feel the need for giving justice, I don't believe in god or any of that so I can't just stay alive with the idea of these messed up people get a good life, I still feel the need to do anything for them, and they might still deserve it, I actually wish I can give them a slow and painful death with hiring rpsts for them, and idk maybe they deserve even more. I'm just tired of these people, they can't even leave my mind, I feel like a soul of someone who has met been wronged till being murdered is whispering things for me and that it wants revenge, I'm the type of person who is really thirsty for revenge, I like hearing these messed up people scream in pain when they are getting killed, I like seeing them bleeding it's just so good for my mental health

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People who defend the ones who bully and harras and trash talk people and make fun of their death and say "I don't give a shit😭😭" when you tell them it's bad, disgust me, like really ig

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I mean I wouldn't wish physical pain on anything, but these people seem to be going too far to the point where my hatred for them grows more and more severe

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I feel like I want to speak up for those people who got bullied, harrased, murdered and other stuff, I feel like these messed up people who did these things all should meet extremely bad consequences or at least meet the same pain they made on their victims

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This thirst for revenge for me and others can be so severe I could act like a physcopath or something

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Maybe this anger is actually much more common than one might think

misty jackal
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It really is common dude dw, I absolutely ABSOLUTELY hate such people too. It makes my blood BOIL. No even I'd agree w you about the whole if I was able to do smthing to them I would, because HELL YEAH I WOULD THOSE IDIOTS DESERVE EVERTHING BAD. And with no remorse I'd do sm to them if I could. But I cannot, Right?
I wish I grow up and get so successful or smthing that I am able to vanish such idiots from this world or smthing but when I have a life where I have sm to worry about and sm to do, and I am unable to make my own life go so smooth, I cannot go fight with each of them right?

Even my boyfriend, (I'm just saying what he stated to me a few days ago when we heard a very severe case happening in our country) he told me that he wishes to be a serial killer if he has to, but he wouldn't kill anyone except serial killers. He'd only kill those mfs and doesn't matter if he has to rot in jail and stuff. Atleast they're getting what they deserve. These people don't deserve an ounce of sympathy or compassion.

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(sorry im talking sm about myself here but its for your understanding im not trying to talk about my life or smthing pls dont take it that way)
But it comes back to the same thing, you're 13-14 y/o according to the roles you've taken. I am 17, I currently am in such a devastating state of life, not going in depth but I have to study sm but its so stressful bcz we have no money, my dad might just jump off and my mom is so done with her life. My 5y/o brother just started his life but it seems to have ended before it even started.

I have just become so accepting to whats going on. Because see, once you start growing up, you slowly start to get unaffected by such things, you have to accept it and move on unless and until you're so damn okay w life, and you have no such problems that stop you from going to a bully and cutting his head off. You walk out of the house, you already know that every second person you're seeing would have smthing evil fs, but you're so preoccupied with your own life problems that you cannot go and fight for everything.
I myself, If I see smthing happening infront of me? I'd surely help out as much as I can, but then getting myself involved just makes my life more miserable, I wasted 20 mins arguing with a dumbass who cannot drive properly and isn't even willing to listen, can't even be responsible for his actions. I talk shit to him and he'd still stand there looking at me soul-less-ly. I don't have the time anymore, nor the energy.

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You are sort of at a young stage of life, even I was so impatient with such things back then, I'd fight w anyone in the school if they did smthing shit to my friends or smthing. I don't care of the world, its a bad place. But if you want to be able to do smthing like that, take revenge on them all, you have to be ABLE TO either give up all your life goals, family, friends everything and make your new goal of just making these mfs suffer. Or you be responsible for those around you and try your best to keep them safe, while working hard to get a better life.

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This thing requires either all in or all out.

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And I suggest you stay all out, take care of your temper and ignore. Because there is never going to be a day when theres not going to be some murderer killing someone, some kidnapper abducting someone, some theif stealing smthing, some rpist rping someone, some bully bullying someone. And you my friend cannot go and fight against all those. There is a reason why theres judiciaries, lawyers, rules. Though non of them are effective and useful.

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Yes you get mad, Yes I get mad, Yes anyone sane would get mad, but they have to act responsible, because they have people around them and those are the world to them. So they'd prioritize them over all the shit in the world.

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You can feel bad, but don't let it get to your head sm that you deviate from things you should do okayyyyyyyyyy?

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Try and stay calm.

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This world is fcking disghusting, but we're a part of it so gotta move on.

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mb for swearing 😭

misty cloak
misty cloak
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I hope you and your family gets better soon @misty jackal

misty jackal
misty cloak
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It's ok

misty cloak
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I sometimes feel like humans should go extinct ig

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I'm tired of these

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Btces

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Shit talking me

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Harrasing me

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And stuff

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I wanna kill them

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I don't know

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But I hate them alot

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I just can't

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They are trying to ruin things for me too I think

misty jackal
misty cloak
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Maybe stop talking about this