hot lion
during the most important part of my life i've had a person that was very near and dear to me. their support helped me make it through that period relatively unharmed (mentally).
i also was part of a friend group that helped me finally open up emotionally and genuinely feel wanted in life. then i started acting out and it fell apart.
the person that was making me feel complete told me that we should become more distant because i was becoming scary to be around (which is fair, now that i look back at how i acted).
but back then i didn't understand why they left. i thought it was out of some petty reason, i saw myself as the victim and tried to "get back at them" by acting maliciously.
they started rightfully seeking support from the friend group, explained everything that happened. one guy in particular didn't take too kindly to my actions.
ever since that day i haven't been myself. i genuinely haven't felt happiness for these past 3 weeks for even a second. i constantly go back to that situation, thinking about how i could have acted.
because of what happened i no longer can talk to the friends who helped me live through the hardships, and i feel myself genuinely breaking down.
i've been having more and more emotional "breaches" in recent days. yesterday and today in particular on the verge of crying. thinking about doing terrible things to myself.
i can't eat normally, sleep for extended periods of time or do anything because i end up looping back to thinking about that day. i need to move on but i can't, and it's ruining me
what the hell do i do
prime python
peak lantern