#The Things i never told anyone (Need help)

7 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

mystic wraith
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Hey guys, i hope you all are doing well, so from past few years i am facing a lot of setbacks in my life. I was always a introverted and within myself type of person who mostly enjoys with his family, i have always had a very few friends but after class 9th our school decided to shuffle our classes and the few friends which i had were moved to other sections and they also left school afterwards so i decided to make new friends in my class to survive (i have a habit of not going school much) i made a few friends and we made a group, everything started fine they were not my kind of people (they used to swear alot and I don't like swearing) but its ok i adjusted they were better then the others in that class, i performed good in class 10th we passed to 11th and i started going school even less and there was a guy in our group who always seemed to enjoy with me and we became close friends during my not going school period by calls and playing games together i am always sceptical in trusting people and making them a significant part of my life but i trusted him, we made alot of good memories and i started thinking him as one of my best friend but i regretted it later

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with time he stopped respecting me and kind of started using me to vent his emotions and he also started disrespecting me in my class and it went too far to even bullying i know what are jokes and i can take it but abusing a person for straight 6,7 hours mindlessly which isn't even funny anymore just for fun and to become cool is not joking it is straight up bullying and everyone started disrespecting me and i slowly became a person who everyone laughs at in the group from a well respected person and my group consists of people who thinks abusing and all is cool and whoever abuses the best is cool and dominant, no matter what i do, i tried talking to him but he just don't understand and tells me i am a crybaby and etc I tried replying back but a single person can't do much and i just feel bad after that (I don't want to become like them i want to be who i am) it started effecting me, i already had more problems the girl i loved left me, due to all this and some more problems i stopped going school more often and my teachers yells at me, i just don't feel like going school because i feel so bad after that and the more I don't go the more i don't want to due to fear of teachers, i started getting bad grades and started getting the worst grades,

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my self esteem and confidence got low and started having self doubts and i am mostly unhappy and never feel like studying cuz i always feel bad and now my mother and family also scolds me and never seem happy with me i have tried telling them my problem and told them to transfer me to another school or a dummy school but they don't understand i just don't know what to do i am in my 12th class mid and this is my condition and also there are no good kids to befriend with in my class everyone is that spoilt kinda and i can endure being alone but I can't because of two reason first because i don't go school so i borrow work and all from my friends and i am dependent on them and 2nd if i suddenly start sitting alone and all first they won't let me they will ask me why and say me a lot of things and i don't know what to do now i want to score good in 12th class
Update! I haven’t been to school for a month because of all this, but tomorrow I have to go back, and I’m feeling extreme anxiety and tension about it. I don’t know how to cope with all the insults and pressure, and I’m struggling to find the strength to face school again. How can I handle this and make myself go?
This was a long passage and thanks for reading it if you read, i wrote this because i just wanted someone to understand my situation deeply just because i never told anyone about this, this much deeply and they will not even understand even if i did tell them so again thank you🤍

nocturne nacelle
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Hey there! I hope you were able to go to school without having too much anxiety... I'm sorry you have to go through this! I feel you, because I went through something very similar and it made school hell for me. I was often sick (psychosomatic symptoms), missed out on a lot of classes, had a hard time catching up on materials, lost contact with my friends, was bullied. It was just awful. But, and I think that's what you're doing very well, I always stayed true to myself and didn't try to fit in with the others, who were the most displeasing people one can imagine. They were spoiled, arrogant and superficial. I could watch that between them there were all these power struggles that I didn't want to be part of. Maybe it's similar for you, that when you watch these bullies among themselves, they're not there for each other either, or just seemingly, but all they want is to be at the top and they're happy to pick on any easy target that doesn't fight back as hard. Most likely they're just pretending themselves and have very deep going struggles - like your friend opening up at first, using you for mental problems, and then ridiculing you in front of the class. That's just trying to mask some serious issues and weakness on his side, it's just so unfair that you have to pay for it.
I can tell you that by staying true to yourself and your values, you are so much better off in life. It's hard now, but trust me, when you get older it will get so much better and with your honesty and good values you will attract many people that are good for you, that actually care about you and don't take advantage of you.
School is a tough time, and I'm so happy I won't have to go through that (and puberty) again. You can look forward to when you're out of school and (hopefully) have more freedom to choose where you want to be (academically, jobwise, regarding any kind of relationship...)

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I hope this was a little helpful. If you want to build up more resilience against bullies and your anxiety, there are many self-help practices you can find online, I'm sure you might find something that will help!

mystic wraith
nocturne nacelle