drifting pollen
Hello, I'm a 19-year-old male, and today I wanted to apologize to my ex-girlfriend. I don't know if I should feel at peace or free from guilt. First, let me fill you in—I was in love with this girl, and it was my first relationship. I was around bad people at the time and didn't know where I was heading. She was very sweet and kind; she had her own issues but still tried to help me. She broke my trust, but she changed and tried her best to strengthen our relationship. At the time, I just couldn't forget about it, and I knew she loved me, which made it hurt even more. I ended up doing things I still regret to this day.
Nearly a year after no contact, I've had a lot of time to think about my actions and decisions. I stopped hanging around my friends of 9 years because I wanted to change. I still regret the things I did. So today, I ended up calling her to apologize—not because I want to get back together, but for my own peace. I know it's selfish to bring up the past after this much time, but I just wanted to be at peace with myself.
When she answered, I said hello and her name, and she hung up. I know it must have been a shock for her, and she doesn't want to speak to me. That is why I don't know what to feel, and I doubt I even did the right thing. Should I feel at peace knowing I couldn't say what I wanted to say? I don't know how I should feel."
visual bloom