i feel kinda stressed at the moment, because a lot of people are talking to me, and i'm kinda overstimulated? i guess that's how i'd describe it. School starts next week, and i'm getting a haircut tomorrow. i hope it goes well. and i kinda miss this person a lot? but i don't think they miss me and that kinda hurts because i feel stupid, maybe i'm overthinking?? or something, i don't know. that's just how it feels, i think i might be too clingy, and affectionate and that ruins shit, i guess. i want them to love me like i love them. and, i feel like that'll never truly happen. maybe it will, but i don't feel like it would ever happen. and, i don't want to seem ungrateful. i know they love me but, not as much as i love them. i don't know.
I'll stop talking about them, and talk about something different
uhh, i'm kinda really anxious to go to school. but, not really?? i feel bad that i'm not really scared. again, maybe i'm just overthinking it. I seem to have an overthinking problem. i don't wanna be like this forever. i do want to be happy, and, i'm not lazy. i am trying to change, but it's slow. i'm slowly changing.
#journal 02 ﹒☆★
willow condor
and, in some way i feel suicidal. but i know i'd never do it. i'm a coward
all i want is to feel like i matter to someone. i really want to matter.
i know, i'm loved but i don't feel like i truly am? i don't want to sound ungrateful. i know it's worst for some people. but, i'm just writing how i feel
after so many years of kinda just holding it in, i want to get rid of all this stress, and maybe i'll feel better. you know?
i appreciate the people in my life so, so much. they've helped me realize things i wouldn't without them. and i respect them more than they'd ever know. i wish i could give them the same kind of feeling they give me.
i feel annoying, my friend is trying to help but im denying it. i just don't wanna tell her how i feel
willow condor
i'm going to kill myself, i just can't do this anymore. i hate the way that i look, i know looks aren't everything but it's fucking up my mental health. i feel stupid. it sucks knowing that i'll be forever bullied.
i don't want to be bullied, nobody does. i hate the way i look so much, my acne, my teeth, my everything. it fucking sucks
i just want to feel loved and appreciated
i feel like
i dont know
willow condor
i wish i had friends to talk to, i'm so stressed. i need someone to take my mind off of things. that'd be amazing, i hope i get friends this school year.
willow condor
oh gosh, i'm getting a scene haircut tomorrow.. at 945am .. i'm so nervous. i also need glasses. im getting them in a couple weeks :3.. IM SO NERVOUS
i hope i look good
i know people are going to make fun of me, but ehhh
willow condor
i wish i had someone to talk to, this person keeps talking to me, but they make me annoyed. im glad they want to talk but its so much.
willow condor
i miss them
i wish they texted me first
but i dont want to seem like a brat
i think
im
overthinking and being clingy
willow condor
really overstimulated but im so happy :33 we're talking
willow condor
yay im drawing with them now :3
willow condor
they make me feel so safe
willow condor
yayy he has hair
willow condor
I LOVE THE HAIRCUR!!!!!!!!!!! snd i lve o them so muhc 🥹 so sweet to me >_<
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARYFTUIOPPI(((((*)))))))))))))&^^%$%%$%$%$%#$%#$#
willow condor
depression
willow condor
im inlive with them :3
willow condor
i feel annoying
willow condor
i want to cill ymself so abd 
willow condor
i genuinely hate myself so much. i don't know why i get jealous over people or things that i dont care about, or jsust know nothing of. im crying over something so stupid and it hurts because it shows that im sensitive
willow condor
holy SIHT i aacn tiSLOZITRYZ curiyng
willow condor
y m eye s are so tsrained.. is msuppose to be eljie seeping but ghjdhfdjfhghh icatn\
willow condor
idk, i feel like i have avpd. symptoms are all relatble but maybe im bieng stupid
willow condor
i hate my life so much
willow condor
i cant believe this is happening to me
willow condor
i hate my life
noboody liek s to talk to me and gosh and and i just feel so disgutsitng
i have no friends
well
if ojt knwo
i iwhs i die di n my selepe
j sznt
i want to be someines preiorty
and
love
in wamt
that
just tat
willow condor
i hate myself i cant stress thsi enough
willow condor
willow condor
I got 2 phones lil bruh, yo phone not cute like me lil bruh I got glitah in my phone, glitah, sparkles watchu know bout feelin pretty >_<
willow condor
om gonna shoot myself in the back of my head and smile as the blood spills out of ym skull
The other night I cried while thinking of having sex with you
Not out of desire or shame but some subconscious impulse to feel pain
I wiped my tears on my face and neck and the backs of my ears
And said, "Now it's sweat, now it's sweat, it's sweat now"
Aber ich will dein Fahrradsattel sein
fraky mod activated
me btw
willow condor
sweaty blehg
willow condor
AHHHHHH I LERARNTE IT SIM SO SMART
willow condor
i guess theres a difference in being inlove, and just loving someone
im inlove with them but they just love me
and
thats alright
im still trying to
love them and not be inlove with them
its hard because im delusional, and i think theyre inlove with me too
im silly
willow condor
im gonna kill myself
im gonna jump out of a window and if i dont die im going to shoot myself in my throat
i
i just dont know
why im feeling like this
wait one second
ill continue wait
after this
okay
yes
okay no wait
willow condor
im gonna
I just don't know why i feel like this, I wish I could just disappear from everything, never to be seen again. I hate how i'm feeling, I hate how I look, I genuinely hate everything about my life. I don't know how to vent because i've never truly done it. I just end up yapping. I just want to cry, I've been craving love so much lately. I want to change, I want love, I want to be happy, I want to be pretty, and skinny. I want everything positive in my life because EVERYTHING in my life is shit. i hate my life, I hate waking up. I hate talking to people, But i want people to talk to me. I'm so frustrated and overstimulated i can't function. I really don't want to relapse, its been months. But i genuinely cant do this anymore. I dread waking up. The only thing in my life that brings me happiness is school. People there genuinely want to tlak to me. well, they act like it. which is fine with me, i'm so tired of just being me. i hate myself. nothing helps, i just want to die in agony. I seem so disgusting, but i'm so angry and i can't do this anymore. i hate my life, i sound like such a bntch, you know? and, i hate that. It's fine. but, i wish i was cared about. i just want love. I want them to care about me, i want them to be inlove with me. i sound so weird, and, i seem obsessed. but, its not like that. i'm just hurt, and i love them. i'm gonna try to stop getting them to like me its really pathetic, and ew. yeah, anyways, i'm just a really disgusting person. i wish people could see that, so that they didn't like me. Ofcourse i want people to like me, but i want them to GENUINELY love me. not just love me for my personality and or looks. i want them to love the thought of 'magdalena' or whatever. I just want to feel accepted, loved, cared for. I just want to be happy. and, its fine if i'm not right now, or, ever. i haven't been truly happy in 6 years, i was 8. I'm hypersexual, which i hate. it's disgusting. i hate my past, i want to move on. but, i just can't.
it's weird, i don't know anymore
ineegdh
emoioyb
emo
boy
crying someone said i look like this .
i need garad wae inhsi revenge arc..plz/
sigh.
OH MY GOD PLEASE SHUTK UP I DONT GIVE A SHITJ IDSKLHJSDHKJDSHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i hate her
willow condor
i jsut dont want to be me anymore
ntp a ref to hte song
:skiLL:
💀
but tryul
im
gina drmk gegegrrgfger