#Is there something wrong with me? I need to know, but I always doubt myself.

6 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

upper orchid
#

First off, I apologize to the persons who are reading this post—I've tried to explain my story so many times to others, but I always have doubts about whether or not I'm reading myself correctly. I've been told by my family growing up that I'm really bad at reading emotions and I am incredibly impulsive. However, I've never had the chance to go see a medical professional regarding what is up with my mental state, so I really don't know what signs I'm exhibiting are me being just a terrible person or if it's actually something wrong with my brain or my mind.

I have a bunch of issues in my life that I don't know the answers to. I don't know if they are related or not, and that makes it difficult for me to start looking at myself. Any and all guidance would be greatly appreciated.

List of incidents that I would like help and insight with:

  1. (Mentioned above) Told by family members that I am really bad at reading signals from people who are talking with me. Example: Person A is having a conversation with me. They send signals that they would like to be left alone. I don't notice these signals and I keep talking with them. Later on, I don't understand why Person A dislikes me. It is only after discussion with guardians that I realize what I did wrong
  2. Not socially smart (kind of relating to the first one). I say stupid and blatant things when I'm with other people, and I only regret saying these things when I'm showering at the end of the day and I realize that what I said was so mindless and insensitive
  3. Procrastination. I am finding it harder and harder to focus on what I'm supposed to be doing. I'll work on a few sentences of a document, then I will migrate to reading Wikipedia articles and watching YouTube.
  4. Impulsivity. I've been told by guardians that I am impulsive. Example: I stick an SD card into a computer port without realizing that it's the wrong one and without thinking of the possibility of not getting the thing back out.
#
  1. Emotional extremes. My emotions are either incredibly overexcited or incredibly morose. When I'm overexcited I neglect everything, and when I'm depressed I second-guess everything about myself and I worry if I'm a burden or a terrible person to others.
  2. Lethargy/executive dysfunction. When I'm really at a loss of what to do, my mind is empty and I don't want to do anything. Then I get up because of external factors and [REDACTED]
  3. Thoughts of failure. I'm frequently inundated with thoughts when I'm alone that my life will be a disaster if I don't do certain things. Then I realize I haven't done those things and I feel absolute despair.
  4. Impostor syndrome. This is something that my peers tend to tell me—that I always downplay myself at the expense of others.
  5. TW: [REDACTED]., will go into detail if needed, but it's only about me.
  6. Guilt. The way I was raised imparts to me that I have to be good to others. Mention of #9 above leads to excessive guilt at hurting those around me.
  7. Difficulty in saying no. When others ask me to help them do something, I always feel like I have to say yes. So I do, even when I'm incapable.
  8. Inability to judge myself objectively. I often feel like I'm okay and didn't do anything wrong, but then I hear from my guardians that I'm making mistakes, and it's only then that I realize there's something wrong with me.
  9. Doubts about identity. This is less important than the others, but I sometimes have great doubts about what I am and whether or not I'm lying to myself.

Sorry if that was long. TLDR: the bolded things above are certain problems that I think I have. I don't know what this says about me or whether there are any warning signs.

upper orchid
#

<@&993332385670246420> i feel bad pinging, you don't have to respond if it's too much

#

someone please help... it's not urgent like i'm going to kms or ||sh|| but i just want to talk with someone

barren spire
#

Hey Tact my dms are open if you need to chat!

lean solstice
#

Looking at your list, it seems like you may be neurodivergent. That includes ADHD, Autism, BPD, etc. As someone with Autism, I struggle a lot socially as well, have a lot of mood swings, and try my best to please everyone (people pleaser) meaning I don't say no to a lot of things. Also, a lot of your symptoms relate to a diagnosis of ADHD (ex. the impulsivity) .. You also could have an anxiety disorder, which is very common and there are a lot of things you can do to get treated. Are you able to see a therapist or medical professional about these issues? I know therapy has certainly helped me with my social issues and anxiety. And an evaluation from a medical professional could give you a diagnosis and give you a better chance at getting good help for your problems. And I hope you know that you are loved and there are people who want to help you ❤️ (If you need to talk or have questions, my DMs are always open)