#Matt’s Journal

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

brisk edge
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Certified life hater since 2020

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I hope to make new friends

brisk edge
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I did not get any sleep last night whatsoever

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I have not slept since July 7th 1:00 pm

lavish cobalt
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why not

brisk edge
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And cause I’m under stress and shit

lavish cobalt
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what stress

brisk edge
lavish cobalt
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lol thats relatable

brisk edge
brisk edge
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Fuck my life

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Just fuck my life

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I don’t deserve to be happy

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I never will find happiness. And why? Because nobody wants to be my friend or hangout with me

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I barely get any calls or any texts

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Not even a note or a letter

brisk edge
# brisk edge Fuck my life

Fuck my life part 2 starts now. So I went to the waterfront again but this time I’m all alone. My mom dropped me off and let me walk alone this time and I’m just exploring and shit

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And once again, I’m all alone

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Everyone’s out there hanging out with friends and just they’re just hanging out

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Oh no, but not me

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You know honestly I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy multiple people say I deserve to be happy and that I’m a good person and that I might go to heaven one day

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But oh no, I’m most definitely going to hell

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So since I always go to the waterfront with my dad to walk

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But since I’m alone, I’m gonna do another lap because the first one already reached the endpoint and then I’m going back and then I’m gonna go back to the endpoint

brisk edge
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So I just walked 3 miles

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Bout to go back to the endpoint

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And walk to the end point again

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Now my feet are hurting

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And burning

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I literally have nothing else to do

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I’m so lonely

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I’m literally staying outside in 95° heat

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And more people hanging out just passed by me. And once again I’m lonely

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Alright I’m just gonna walk the next 3 miles

brisk edge
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Well

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Walked another 6 miles

brisk edge
brisk edge
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Well

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My mom got rid of all the photos that me and my sister and mom and dad were all together

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Well she didn’t get rid of them she took them down

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And shit is honestly sad

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I hate divorce

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Yk

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My life has fallen apart

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It really has. Divorce, parents issues, school,

brisk edge
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Just

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Fuck my life

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Once again I had a bloody nose earlier and I sneezed and it caused it to bleed again

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So I sneezed ||blood|| all over my hand

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Oh and so then I accidentally swallowed some and coughed a bit

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So I coughed up a bit of ||blood||

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Then there’s my dad

brisk edge
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My dad proved my point

brisk edge
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I’m annoyed with my life

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So much stuff going on in my life

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I’m actually thinking

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About ending my life

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I don’t care

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I simply do not care. I can’t go on like this

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I’m good to no one

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I can’t even help the ones I care about

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I care about people

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Yet barely anybody cares back

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People always ruin my day they always try to everything I have going on

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I hate my dad

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I just hate him

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I’m still so upset about the divorce

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I still am! And why!?

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It’s been lasting for such a long time

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Honestly just

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Kill me

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Just get it over with and just end me

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I’m so done with this

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I’m absolutely just so done

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I try to be a good person

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I really do try

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And what do I get in return

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Divorce + people wanting a reaction + loneliness + people not taking accountability + rude people

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Just so much pain all these years

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Everytime I feel like things or getting better something shitty has to block my way

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Well my no crying streak just failed

brisk edge
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Gotta love it how your old journal was overrun by trolls and made it unsafe and you had to create this new one

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They'll probably be back to start more shit and I'll have to pack it up

brisk edge
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I broke up with my girlfriend

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Well she left me but

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Yeah

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I’m not suprised she left

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Everyone elsenleaves

brisk edge
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I feel so bad for writing this but I generally need a break from everything

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I may get into trouble for saying this but

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I just wish my best friends stepbrother ||died||

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He’s generally not a good person

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He made my best friend drink alcohol while I was gone

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I can’t save anybody

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I can’t save anybody at all!

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It’s always me the worthless hero when I try to be good I can’t be good

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I absolutely hate her stepbrother

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Good lord that son of a bitch needs to be stopped

brisk edge
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I haven’t been a good person lately

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I did something bad

brisk edge
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Somebody Sent a message here idk who did tho

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I swear to God if the trolls are back

brisk edge
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I gotta make an announcement here

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I literally cannot help anybody

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I cannot give advice

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If giving shitty advice was a job id be the worlds first trillionare

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I can’t save anybody

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I can’t help

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I barley know what to say

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I’m generally just so

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Idek what to think rn

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More news on the divorce war

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I offended my parents when I called the divorce a "war" when it is a war

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It’s 2 sides

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But I’m a Switzerland and I don’t care about both sides

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Honestly I should’ve gone on a walk today. But I had dinner with my dad today and woke up at 12

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I got a bloody nose a few days ago

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And I keep sneezing which causes the nose to bleed again

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And I barely get any sleep at night cause well

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I don’t need to choke to death on my blood while sleeping

brisk edge
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I gotta go on a bit of a rant

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So I fucked up

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With my best friend and now she won’t forgive me

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And I acted badly towards her telling her she was fine when she’s not fine

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Idk I just sometimes feel like I try to calm people down and I can’t

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She’s a good person and a great person in my life

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I just don’t know what to tell her honestly because I’ve never dealt with any of the stuff she’s dealt with

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She doesn’t deserve it

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Not at all

brisk edge
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After going on walks alone gonna go on an walk again with him

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Wish me luck yall

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Never mind, I’m not going on a walk

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Turns out Saturday my mom and my sister asked me if I wanted to go see Despicable Me 4

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And of course because I was about to get ready to go on a walk I was changing upstairs and I was gonna let my phone charge and my sister was calling me and then eventually she got all mad because she was like "well finally"

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My family is honestly gotten on my nerves

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My mom is just nagging me constantly saying I need to do this and I need to do that

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My dad proved his point right how when I told him nobody wants to hang out with me and he proves that point right because it’s a whole Nother story

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And my dad is just on repeat asking over and over again where I wanna go to college what do I wanna do for my career and I’m still not sure. I’m either thinking about becoming a high school teacher and teach history or becoming an electrician.

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And then there’s my sister

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Where she just keeps shaming me over and over again saying "oh you can’t drive because you’ll be too stressed out"

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shaming me as well saying "oh you can’t do customer service"

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I’m generally annoyed with my sister

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She always lies and she always doesn’t take accountability

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Ever since my sister got into that car accident with her boyfriend she’s been a real ass ever since

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Just locking me in the car and not taking accountability, always shaming me, just shaming me for not being funny as well,

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I honestly, just can’t stand her anymore

brisk edge
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Fuck my day bruh

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I got a blister on my foot

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This shit hurts

heavy forum
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😔

brisk edge
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My foot is healing

heavy forum
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good

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Live on

brisk edge
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I swear to god I hate my state

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My state is horrible asf

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Mass shoplifting

brisk edge
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I'm genuinely not okay

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I may have a ||drug addiction|| to advil now

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My sleep schedule is so messed up I barely get any sleep and then I have a headache due to lack of sleep

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And so I take advil to help with the headaches

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These past 4 years have taken a huge toll on my life

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2021 sucked

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2022 was getting better then it ended

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2023 was ass

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And 2024 so far has been sorta okay

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I wish I was happy like I was back in 2022

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I don't take advil everyday

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I only take it like once a week

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I have a doctors appointment on the 31st so hopefully it can get resolved

brisk edge
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I’m so annoyed rn

brisk edge
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Okay

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I’m so done with life

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Just I’m so annoyed and so done

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I can’t be happy, everytime I try and be happy it’s ruined

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I absolutely hate being lonely, I hate how everyone has to hate on everything

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I’m just so so done with it

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I’m just generally so annoyed and so done

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So my best friend is gonna be busy the next couple of days

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I don’t know where she is or where she’s going

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I had to change my pfp on Twitter

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Cause I got threats

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Not even joking literal threats for just choosing a pfp that somebody else had

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I swear my life is never gonna get better

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It’s this constant never ending struggle between good and bad

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Now I’m getting made fun of

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Great

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Just for a fucking pfp

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I really

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Really shoudlve killed myslef a long time ago

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I don’t care what anybody says

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I shoudlve

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I mean yeah I might be sent to hell

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Cause yk religious beliefs

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But who cares

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I’m probably gonna be sent down there anyway

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The truth is I’m afraid

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I’m afraid of a lot of stuff of life and friendships and people

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I just want happiness but

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No matter how far I keep going and going

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It feels like I’m in the desert under the hot sun

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And the happiness is water and there is no water

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Just oh my god

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The divorce, the people, it’s like nobody understands me

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Nobody understands

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Nor does anybody care

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I’m not better then anybody and I’m now lower then anybody

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I don’t understand why people stick around and care

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I’m good to nobody

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I can’t even give advice, offer help without fucking it up

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I can’t even help the ones I care about

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The people I love most and the ones I deeply care about

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I can’t even help them

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I hate taking these 2 medications as well

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I hate taking acid reflux medicine and seteraline for my anxiety

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They both taste like shit

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I have to take one in the morning and one at night

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And honestly fuck both of the medications

timber hornet
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sorry

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it not yo fault tho you good

timber hornet
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kinda

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i have freinds

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i have happiness

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but i want a friend that will choose me out of 100000 people in a room

brisk edge
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I guess we’re both in the same boat

brisk edge
timber hornet
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💀

brisk edge
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Okay so another daily rant

brisk edge
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There is so much going on

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So i was bleeding

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And holy hell it’s bad

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I ate some stuff

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I need to get it fixed later on

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And

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I will not say it here

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Cause it’s gross and embarrassing

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People are just pissing me off

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So I’m at the waterfront again

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I’m surprised I haven’t been sent to the hospital yet

brisk edge
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I did the pfp again and the dude once again got mad

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And just sends his dickrider friends after me

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I hate being so alone

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I’m just sitting on a bench rn watching the water

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I’m still alone and I hate it

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Good lord I’m a sad bastard

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All alone with friends busy

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Doing nothing but walking around

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My blood problem is still happening

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I stopped the bleeding tho

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I’m just gonna head back home

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And ask my mom to come and pick me up

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It’s getting pretty late ngl

brisk edge
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I swear this place

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Just gives me the creeps I swear

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Why does it give me the creeps?

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People here on the sidewalk are just

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Weird asf

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Just they stare at everybody

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They point at people as well

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It’s weird asf

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Now I understand why people barely take their kids here

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The amount of homelessness and shady people

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I understand

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My god they ruin everything

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I swear shady people ruin every place bruh

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I’m probably gonna get backlash for that statement but I don’t care

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This place used to be beautiful and now it’s turned into a dump

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So yeah

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This place is now a shithole

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My mom just picked me up

brisk edge
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I’m generally

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Just so annoyed and tired

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I have a headache

timber hornet
brisk edge
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Well I messed up again

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My friend ||cut|| herself again

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And

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I was too late

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Too late to stop her from doing it once again

old laurel
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I want you to know, it's not your fault. Both of you seem to be in a dark place, and I suggest reaching out to someone professional if you can.

I just spend a little bit of time reading through the chat, and Matt you seem pretty upset with life in general, and it seems to be screwing you over.

Take it easy for sometime. Tell your friend to do the same. Come up with ways to calm yourselves, and when things get bad, use them.

You've been mistreated by people from what I've read. It's horrible that you're being treated like that and you don't deserve it.

In times like these, you've got to find the strength within yourself.

It's hard, sometimes you feel like there is none, and you have no way of picking yourself back up, but being your own strength will help a lot.

Find happiness in the places you go. I notice there's a repetitive place you go in the vents you post here.

Ignore other people. Don't give yourself to them. Words get into out heads easily but we can learn to stop it.

Writing here is healthy and one way to stop it. Ignore, even mock the mean comments in your head. Just stop caring about them. Only accept good words.

Finally, just hang on. Life get's so incredibly difficult sometimes, but having hope always, always ends up being the one thing that gets people through to the other side.

I wish you well Matt. Stay safe. You've got this. 🫶 🫂

brisk edge
old laurel
brisk edge
old laurel
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:)

brisk edge
old laurel
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I Got it and accepted :)

brisk edge
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Okay so

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I’m a bit annoyed rn

severe lily
brisk edge
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I absolutely swear

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I’m so done with today

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My dad just straight up annoyed me and was a total hypocrite

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He asked me if I wanted to go on a walk today and I agreed

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So when we got there he wanted it to be a short walk because it would get "dark outside"

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It’s summer

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It doesn’t turn dark until 9-10

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And then on the way there my dad started saying I need a job to meet new people and I need to go outside more

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I do go outside! I go on walks! I go alone because you’re always busy!

brisk edge
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Everytime I hangout with my dad he always turns everything into either a lecture or a nag

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He then asks about my hobbies and when I tell him he tells me I need a job and I need to think about college

old laurel
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That really sucks :(

I'd have to know your life well enough, but speaking from personal experience, if you're not close enough or haven't really been talking, parents find it incredibly difficult to connect with their children.

It's possible these lectures and nags are his subconscious way of getting to know your thoughts and start up at least some sort of conversation with you.

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It's still not fair though 🫂

brisk edge
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Well, dammit

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Apparently, I don’t have a next therapy appointment until August 31

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Oh, I am so fucked

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These last few weeks have been so hard

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So for one I’m just getting nagged over and over again

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About college and my senior year because this year I will be 12th grade

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And by the way, I’m gonna have more problems when the year starts

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I’ll have to look in a college Way more

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I’ll have to talk to my guidance counselor, but I don’t want to because for those who have been here since my first journal, I think you can understand why I don’t like my counselor

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And for those who don’t understand and are reading this now or are new here: I was being terrorized by a kid last year and I reported it several times to my guidance counselor and she did nothing to help

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She laughed and smirk in my face

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So generally, it’s like I don’t think I can really trust her to be honest

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When I was ||sucidal|| last year on November 28th 2023

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Before they called my mom. My counselor interrogated me as well

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She asked me: "how long have you been feeling this way??"

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"Are you seeking attention?"

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So yeah, in general, the counselor did not treat me well and just turned on me

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I don’t wanna work with her, but I’m most likely gonna have to

brisk edge
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I swear

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12th grade better go Good for me

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Cause 11th was horrible

old laurel
# brisk edge I don’t wanna work with her, but I’m most likely gonna have to

Councillors often work in a system, I believe you have the right to request a new one because this one sounds absolutely horrible.

Feeling ||suicidal|| and having those types of thoughts are not something to be dismissed and the fact that she did makes me question her role as a counsellor.

I don’t want to assume anything or take any sides but it could have just been a clarifying question since some councillors have that to make sure their client isn’t wasting their time because there are a surprising amount of people who go to therapy just for the reason of attention (which is not you so I don’t know why she thought that way)

Also laughing at your situation is not okay either! If you can get a new one, do so. If not, take the therapy session and go. Tell your parents, and if they don’t help either, there are some therapeutic stuff and support online… it’s not ideal but you could try some of that and keep persisting on a new one in the background.

brisk edge
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And I can’t change cause it’s based off of last name

old laurel
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Ah well that’s complicated.

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Find one outside of school

brisk edge
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I need to go on a bit of a rant

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I’m tired of these scams on this app

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I swear

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This is now the 3rd time I’ve gotten one of these

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I swear

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Fucking idiots🤦‍♂️

brisk edge
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I’ve been so annoyed and angry these past few weeks it’s insane

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Starting off

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A few days ago my cat was bullying my other cat

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And they’re fighting in the other room

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So I dented this cardboard box

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I kicked the box cause I was upset and to scare my cat

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I got mad as well cause I got killed on RDR2 and lost $150

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Yesterday I lost my shit as well

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I was playing Fortnite and i got killed by an enemy team

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I don’t even know why I get so mad over these games

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I don’t even know why when I’m mad I need to throw something

brisk edge
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Why am I so angry?

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I hate having the urge to throw something or break something

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I swear nobody listens to me anymore

severe lily
brisk edge
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I’m back

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I got suspended for a stupid reason

brisk edge
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I’m still alone

brisk edge
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I’ve been alone for months

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Ever since April-may

brisk edge
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I swear nobody wants to hangout with me

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My best friend is busy today

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She’s been so busy

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Going from place to place

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While I just sit at home on the game

brisk edge
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Everytime when I wanna play Fortnite with her or ask her to go like my tweets

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She always groans or says no

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Like good grief

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I just wanna play or have you support me

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Next thing

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I’m annoyed with idiot drivers

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Across the intersection there was this man speeding his car swerving all over this place for fun

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Of course nothing will be done about it because this happens on the daily

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Some idiot speeding or swerving

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But the law doesn’t do anything about it

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Then there’s my friend

uneven iron
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@brisk edge your best friend is not there to like your tweets and she might not always have time or the want to play fortnight and that is fair, she has her own life, she isn't there to be your support but to be your friend.

brisk edge
uneven iron
brisk edge
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I’m alone asf

uneven iron
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Why did you correct what I said, was there a need or did it make you feel something by doing it or you felt like you needed to do it

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What I'm trying to say is that are you aware how your actions affect the ones around you?

uneven iron
# brisk edge Point* Stands*

Because I took this as not nice, my impression of you has changed now, do you know how it has, a rough idea? I could argue that I made points in what I said 'she has her own life' she isn't there to be your support', now I'm not arguing with you here but if I did ik you wouldn't back down would you?

brisk edge
brisk edge
brisk edge
uneven iron
# brisk edge Yes

If I didn't correct you I didn't argue with you when you corrected me because I didn't want to argue or have it lead in to anything but say something like this had happened multiple times would you say I would get a bit annoyed at it then? Maybe even the first time you did it?

brisk edge
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Okay I’m sorry for correcting you

uneven iron
uneven iron
brisk edge
uneven iron
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You feel one way now and that's how you see things and you know how you'd act if you where level headed like now, but what about when your not

brisk edge
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I don’t even understand what your saying

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I said sorry so leave it there

uneven iron
brisk edge
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Now leave it

uneven iron
# brisk edge I said leave it

I'm trying to show you and come to the realisation of how your actions are affecting the ones around you, I'm guessing telling you directly doesn't work because you refuse to listen in that moment because just like anyone who is confronted they are unease by it and they don't like it, I tried to help but you are yet saying no, leave it, and I plan to. But not before I have said this. If you do not wish to be helped then you can not be helped, you will either end up loosing everyone you love and care about to come to realise you need to accept help or come to that realisation before that, the burnt hand learns best but I would hope the next person that comes to help you, you take there hand instead of touching the hot stove

brisk edge
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I already apologized for it

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And I’m trying to defuse it

uneven iron
# brisk edge All I did was correct 2 words you posted

And if you think I was saying all that just because you corrected 2 words then I can't help you, I was just going off that because it was a nice place to start I've already explained that it wasn't an argument that I was trying to show you that actions like that can affect your friends by annoying them, you shouldn't be apologising to me but to them

brisk edge
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You don’t know my life

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So leave

uneven iron
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And obviously you don't either, not the stuff from other people's specectives atleast, and I am leaving it but apologise to your best friend about pestering them for fortnight games and asking them to like your twitter posts say that you are just stressed or whatever that you where just looking for some support but you realise that I shouldn't of been asking you stuff like that that you should of been more direct or not bother them

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Okay bye Good look I'm leaving

brisk edge
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I’m so tired of life

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My gf barely talks to me

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And claims I’m the love of her life

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Holy hell just talk to me

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All my friends are still busy

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My friend annoyed me as well as soon as I got off suspension

SPOILER_IMG_0049.png SPOILER_IMG_0050.png
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I really hate how people rely on me

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Always on me

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Like they have nobody else to talk to

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I can’t be someone who people rely on all the time

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It’s all too crazy I just can’t stand it all

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Just

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I can’t deal with any of it

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I’m so tired of being lonely

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I’m so tired of dealing with annoying people and idiots

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I’m starting to think my gf is only dating me for attention

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Cause barely any texts and always responds late

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And if she’s cheating on me then

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I will absolutely lose my shit

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I have another friend of mine

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Who’s grandpa is dying and hasn’t talked to me in weeks cause they’ve been busy with friends

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Just

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Nobody has time for me

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Nobody cares and responds

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I’m just

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I don’t even know what to say

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I’m forced to support people I don’t like

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I start school next month in September

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Barley anybody listens or hears me out

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I wanted to give this homeless man $20 today but he wasn’t there

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There’s this homeless man that sits on the ground and plays the violin for tips

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And I wanna find him and give him $20

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I’m just slowly losing it and losing it everyday

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I get

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So angry Nowadays

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I have the urge to throw something

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And I don’t wanna throw something

brisk edge
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I’m such a piece of shit

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I don’t understand why people are still friends with me

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I wanna go on a walk to the waterfront, but it’s just drizzling

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Lemme check outside

slate tartan
brisk edge
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I lose my shit a lot

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I get angry at people trying to help me

slate tartan
brisk edge
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Screw this

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I’ve made up my mind

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I will be ||killing|| myself next month

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I don’t care

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Life is too hard

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It’s treated me horribly

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I’m a friendly and great person and yet nobody ever sees it

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I don’t care anymore

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When I die I will be more happier and in a better place

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People treat me horribly

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I’m shamed for so much stuff

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Honestly, I just wanna die

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God just end me

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Well

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I’m just writing here crying now like a little crybaby bitch

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all my friends are busy and since they’re all busy, I just gave up on asking if they wanna hang out

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It’s only gonna get worse from here

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In the fall in the winter, it’s just gonna be more horrible than it already is

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I’m a horrible person. I’m a horrible friend.

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I’m good to no one

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I can’t even save or help the ones that I even care about

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I can’t be everywhere at the same time and then my friends end up ||cutting|| themselves

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Sometimes I just wish I was there to help him out

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But I am in another state or another country or another continent

#

I truly can’t save anybody or help anybody

#

Every time when I ask my dad, he’s either just doing something or he’s either hanging out with somebody else

#

Just screw it

#

Lemme change it

#

I don’t wanna die

#

I just wanna be happy

#

I’m just

#

Losing my shit

#

I’m going crazy

brisk edge
#

Good morning

#

Or good afternoon

#

intro music plays

#

Okay enough with me joking around

#

Okay so starting off

#

I barely got any sleep last night

#

So my mom woke me up

#

I literally saw the sunrise

#

So next thing

brisk edge
#

I’m probably gonna get backlash for this rant but

#

I absolutely hate divorce

#

It should’ve never became a thing and it shoudlve be banned

#

I hate divorce and I’ve always hated it and always will

#

Since my parents are getting divorced I now hate it

#

Hurts the children,

#

Ruins future family vacations, birthdays and Christmases are separated

#

Ever since my mom got news she’s getting divorced by my dad she

#

She’s turned into this sexist, annoying, hypocritical angry person

#

So thanks dad! For leaving me in this household with an angry mom!

#

Thanks dad for being a loser and not loving her

#

Thanks dad for breaking her heart 3 fucking times

#

Thanks dad for not even fucking telling me or my sister or EVEN MY MOM WHY HE WANTS A DIVORCE

#

I hope America bans divorce

#

I don’t care anymore

#

I don’t even wanna get political

#

But I hope they pass a bill on banning divorce

#

I’m not apart of 50% of kids

#

50% of Kids parents are divorced

brisk edge
#

What a shitty fuckin day

#

Only good part was I played Fortnite with my friend

#

And had a burger

#

That’s literally the 2 positive things about today

#

I can’t stand these sensitive people nowadays

#

My mom thought I was giving her an attitude when I wasn’t

#

She thinks everytime when I say no I’m giving her an attitude

brisk edge
#

Absolutely had enough of false promises

#

And false hopes

#

I’m still alone

#

Been alone for months! And nobody believes me!

#

My best friend is busy once again

#

Ofc she is!

#

All my friends are either out of the country or state

#

Or they’re working

brisk edge
#

I have a friend on Twitter

#

And she finally broke up with her boyfriend

#

And thank god she did

brisk edge
#

I don’t understand

#

Why people date assholes

#

Her boyfriend was a total asshole

brisk edge
#

So am I like a bad friend or what?

#

I have a friend who injured herself and now the wound is infected

#

I asked her to let me see the wound so I can try and help her

#

But she refused to take a photo and send it to me

#

I don’t know if she’s afraid that I’ll think of her in a different way

#

But I just worry about her

brisk edge
#

I’ve been so done lately

#

And down lately

#

I barely respond to anybody

#

I barely eat

#

I barely sleep

#

I woke up at 1 today and haven’t ate a single thing yet

#

I ended up seeing a bad image as well

#

My friends wound got infected

#

And where was I?

#

At home

brisk edge
#

Watching a mid ass show called cobra Kai

#

Anyways show sucked ass

#

Writers really fucked up the last season

brisk edge
#

Well

#

Today has been honestly

#

Sorta shitty

#

I watched from dusk till dawn

#

10/10 movie

brisk edge
#

Jesus Christ

#

What a horrible person I am

#

No wonder I’m lonely! I am such a horrible person!

#

I cuss too much, I’m too opinionated,

#

I judge too much

#

And I get disgusted by shit fast

brisk edge
#

She told her friends

#

And now her friends are upset at me

#

Good fucking grief! I broke up with her because I wasn’t sure I could be in this relationship

#

I didn’t want her to see me this way or hurt her

#

But

#

I did

#

All because I was insecure and didn’t wanna hurt her

#

And people have called me responsible for this act and said I did the right thing

#

But did I really?

#

Did I really tho?

#

I broke the poor girls heart

#

She got home from a family reunion and wanted to hangout with me

#

And then saw my text telling her I wanted to break up

#

Jesus Christ Matthew you fucking idiot

#

All I do is hurt people

#

They get hurt when I tell the truth

#

They take offense when I say: "no offense"

#

I’m just

#

Oh and I couldn’t even help my fucking friend last night!

#

I will not be saying her name due to privacy reasons

#

But she does ||SH||

#

And her wound got infected

#

I tried to help and asked if I could see the wound to see what I can do to help

#

She refused

#

Jesus H Christ Matthew you pathetic fucking idiot guilty piece of shit

#

You worthless can’t save nobody or help anybody!

#

And then you cry because the pain is too much or you tear up because you can’t do a simple job

#

I suck at advice!

#

I suck at life!

#

And I can never win!

#

My friends grandpa is dying

#

I’ve spammed her trying to talk to her

#

And now she just thinks I used her

#

When I didn’t. I care about her so much and she’s been my friend for a while

#

Oh and then there’s the photo

#

That stupid fucking photo I saw

#

Context: I used to have a crush on this girl named Daisy from June-July 2023

#

And I thought she actually liked me

#

But no she was just being friendly

#

And I thought this was the one! This was the one!

#

But no.

#

It was not the one.

#

It wasn’t even close.

#

I thought I had it… but I didn’t

SPOILER_image0.jpg
sour cave
# brisk edge I thought I had it… but I didn’t

If a girl won’t even give you a shot at a relationship, that’s their problem. You got many many other things to worry about brother. Focus on yourself man and improve yourself as much as possible

brisk edge
#

And well

#

I still think about her

sour cave
brisk edge
#

Shortly after she got a bf

#

Her bf now just

#

They hangout all the time

sour cave
#

Don’t worry about her

#

You got other things to focus on

brisk edge
#

And there was a photo of him grabbing her ||ass||

sour cave
#

You don’t talk to her anymore correct

brisk edge
#

Nope

sour cave
#

I say fuck her. You’re a good man with a future ahead of you. You got many things to worry about instead of girls. Focus on yourself, cut off anything that’s negative

#

Trust me I’ve been in that situation before man

#

And I’ve done horrible things to myself and I used that fuel to better myself

brisk edge
#

I’m a horrible person

#

If I said it once! I will say it again!

#

I’m good to no one. I can’t even help the ones I care about

sour cave
# brisk edge I’m good to no one. I can’t even help the ones I care about

Bro that’s the problem.Your mindset is in the wrong direction. Trust me I’ve dealt with self-harm and other things. Thought I was useless to the world, but it doesn’t matter what people think. What matters is making yourself the best version of yourself. Once you start improving yourself slowly then all the good things will come to you

brisk edge
#

And I always fail

#

I try and be the best version

#

And I keep falling down and I keep going and going and it’s just the same result

sour cave
#

Man then screw helping people. I’ve done that most of my life and I dropped down the pit further and further. You gotta improve yourself. All the bad things you’re experiencing is just a build up to something good, something better for your future, but you need to first stop worrying about people. Yeah it seems like a shitty decision, but in the end you’re the one living your life, not anyone else

#

If you can’t love yourself how can you love other people

brisk edge
#

We’ll talk later

old laurel
brisk edge
#

Man

#

I stayed up till 6 AM

#

Good grief I need some sleep now

brisk edge
#

Gotta love, my guilty and ashamed ass

#

I Look like a fucking zombie now

#

Well

#

It’s too late

#

I cannot fall back asleep

#

So I’m just gonna stay up till 11 at night to try and fix my sleep schedule

brisk edge
#

intro music starts

#

Welcome back to another episode of shitty life

#

My dad is absolute hypocrite

#

He always tells me that

#

I need to get rid of the negative people

#

And yet what does he do?

#

He still talks with his friend who he doesn’t like

#

"Friend"

#

He also tells me being lonely is normal

#

Tried to exclude me on the 2nd night of going to see Metallica

jagged rampart
#

KirikoHeart just to get this out here, you matter and you can do anything

brisk edge
#

I appreciate it

jagged rampart
#

i felt like you needed to hear that

brisk edge
jagged rampart
#

not all of them but yeah

brisk edge
#

Man

#

I might go to sleep soon

#

I barely got any sleep last night cause of that all nighter

#

I feel asleep twice

#

Once in the recliner

#

And once on the couch

severe lily
#

Hey, get some sleep. I’m about to go to bed, but I’ll check in with you in the morning.

brisk edge
#

I swear to god

brisk edge
brisk edge
#

I started playing R6 again

#

And holy hell

#

The amount of shit

severe lily
#

and now i rlly need to sleep

brisk edge
#

I’m losing my shit over this stupid ass game

severe lily
#

Ah man, that sucks

brisk edge
#

I got off

brisk edge
#

Alright goodnight journal

charred lynx
brisk edge
#

I swear to god

#

Not this again

#

@haughty roost

#

It’s the trolls again

#

@haughty roost get them outta here

static reef
#

Dude leave the guy alone

#

He just wants to journal in peace, get a life

cerulean idol
#

Huh

brisk edge
#

The

#

Fuck

#

Out

static reef
#

Just stop getting into shit that involves @brisk edge

brisk edge
#

Leave me alone for Christ sake! I had to delete the first journal because of you!

#

And I’m not deleting this one

cerulean idol
#

Wild how.yall are tweaking for nothing

static reef
#

Not getting tf out

cerulean idol
#

I mean youre the one who pinged me

brisk edge
#

Nobody pinged you??

#

You’re the one starting shit posting memes in other peoples journals

#

So get the fuck out dumbass

cerulean idol
#

Gamer pinged me here and started yapping so i replied with that sound and then i stfu but now yall are pinging me for some reason

brisk edge
#

I had to delete the first journal because of you

cerulean idol
#

You didnt have to do anything but alright

brisk edge
#

You would come back and do the same thing

cerulean idol
#

I keep closing discord and you keep pinging me here so i dont think thats true

brisk edge
#

Bullshit once again

static reef
brisk edge
#

I’m telling you @static reef he’s gonna keep coming back

haughty roost
#

@cerulean idol, if you're not gonna use the support channels for the intended purposes, don't say anything.

#

Use these channels appropriately.

cerulean idol
#

Im trying to but you keep pinging me

brisk edge
cerulean idol
#

J cant leave if i have to yap

brisk edge
#

Ban him

#

He is not gonna stop

static reef
#

Theres smth called, ignoring it

brisk edge
#

He didn’t stop the first time. He will not stop again

cerulean idol
#

Then ignore me

brisk edge
#

I had to delete the journal

#

Don’t type in this journal

cerulean idol
#

"had"

brisk edge
#

Because of you!

cerulean idol
brisk edge
#

So get out!

static reef
brisk edge
haughty roost
#

Let's move on now guys. I'll handle Mindor.

static reef
brisk edge
#

Ban him

#

We can’t take any chances

static reef
#

Matt, it's gonna be fine

brisk edge
#

It’s never fine!

static reef
#

If he comes back again, stin will know what to do

brisk edge
#

Life is never fine!

static reef
#

It never is but you deal with it either way

brisk edge
#

Sadly yep

static reef
#

It makes you stronger in the end, struggles teach you life lessons that you'll need someday

#

Just because things don't work out for you for a while doesn't mean it's hopeless forever

#

You make it through, even if its a struggle, it teaches you patience and helps you grow

#

Trust me, being currently stalked and attemptedly raped by my cousin has taught me a whole lot of shit🤦🏻‍♀️

brisk edge
#

I don’t care what anybody says

#

Doing ape is the horrible acts of the world

static reef
#

I was pissed, I threatened him with my glock the other day and now he's stalking me and got my number miraculously

brisk edge
static reef
#

Yes😭

#

Don't ask, I'm responsible with mine and ik everything pretty much

#

It's incase of emergencies etc

#

I also have throwing knifes etc, I ain't gonna dwelve into shit or people will get concerned

brisk edge
#

I don’t know why I’m so pissed off

#
  1. I couldn’t stop my friend from doing something bad
#
  1. That no good son of a bitch of a troll came back
#
  1. I don’t even know what the hell to do
#

I’m probably gonna go in a walk later

#

I absolutely fucking swear to god

#

I woke up today

#

And I couldn’t do shit to help my friend

#

And my friend did something bad

#

And what was I doing last night? On the game playing R6

#

I have a friend who’s wounds are infected

#

And probably needs to see medical assistance

#

But idk

#

I’m not a doctor

brisk edge
#

What a shitty and annoying day today

#

Just

#

The amount of shit today was annoying asf

brisk edge
#

Well

#

Tonight was ass

#

Gotta love playing the game and an bunch of racist idiots scream at you for dying

#

Fucking assholes

#

I swear

#

There is so much assholes and idiots on the daily it’s insane

brisk edge
#

I swear the amount of stupidity I've been dealing with lately is insane

brisk edge
#

My life

#

Is going to shit

#

It is declining

#

I tried to make life good in 2022-2023

#

And that failed

brisk edge
#

I swear I’m just over it

#

I’m alone,

#

I’m sad

#

I start my final year of high school soon

#

Why have I been so upset lately?

#

Gotta love getting blamed even tho she was underage drinking

image0.jpg
#

I’m tired of this underage smoking and drinking shit

#

It’s everywhere

#

Once again, I failed to help somebody out

#

I can’t even help my friends from turning themselves into a chopping board

#

Or cutting board

#

But no

#

I failed once again

nova slate
#

thats some bullshit

#

you shouldnt get blamed for that

#

that was and never will have been your fault

brisk edge
#

Idek why she didn’t come to me

nova slate
#

it was her decision

brisk edge
#

I was awake

#

I was just on the game

nova slate
#

idk why either

#

but don't blame yourself

#

you should recognize that it's not your fault

#

and it was HER bad decision

#

not yours

brisk edge
#

The amount

#

Of stupidity I’ve been dealing with lately is actually insane

#

My sister tried to fuck up my evening last night

#

Me and my sister were taking to my mom

#

And so while we were talking my mom said if I scare my cat off her bed

brisk edge
#

And so my sister was blocking my way

#

So I tried to go

#

But she kept blocking my path

#

So I moved her outta my way

#

And she waved her hand in my cats face and my got scared

#

So my mom tells me I can’t use video games or my phone and I can just stay in my room for the rest of the night

hollow comet
#

That just sucks

brisk edge
brisk edge
#

And then after that my mom told me it was a joke and I can still play

#

I swear the amount of stupidity nowadays

#

I see people speeding down the fucking road like they’re in mad max

#

There’s people with children and mothers and fathers

#

Tf is wrong with these people

brisk edge
#

I am so gonna regret writing this

#

But

#

I have a ||porn addiction||

#

And I swear if anybody gives me any of that bullshit: "oh just quit" then fuck off

#

It’s not that easy

#

I feel ashamed

#

I’ve been doing this for years but honestly

#

I think I need to quit

#

Or take breaks at least because

#

Honestly it’s getting out of control

#

I do the job at least several times a day

#

And i honestly feel gross and ashamed

#

Which is what it’s called post nut clarity

#

I feel so horrible now

#

Just when I watch the women

#

That’s somebody’s daughter

#

That’s there daughter showing off to the whole world

#

And

#

I genuinely just watch their daughter for pleasure

#

Im such a messed up person for that

brisk edge
#

It is 5am and I can't sleep but

#

I told my friend I was busy and they kept texting me after I just said I'm busy

#

Nobody respects work, privacy, or personal stuff

#

Not only that

#

I'm such a shit friend as well

#

Had an argument about our problems

old laurel
#

🫂

brisk edge
#

The amount of stupidity lately

#

Is so annoying

#

I just wanna get away from all the annoying people

#

My mom makes me do all this stuff for her

#

"Can you help me with this"

#

"Can you grab this"

#

I swear it’s so annoying

nova slate
#

Fr

brisk edge
#

Playing this old ahh game again

IMG_0266.jpg IMG_0267.jpg
brisk edge
nova slate
#

Fr

#

Fire

hollow comet
#

Both of them

brisk edge
#

I guess they wanted to create a backstory for rdr1 and made rdr2

hollow comet
#

Ohhhh, I see i see

#

Thanks man

brisk edge
#

So yes play rdr2 first and then rdr1

hollow comet
#

I'll try, been dreaming of playing it for a long while

brisk edge
#

I’m back

#

I walked 3.7 miles

brisk edge
hollow comet
#

Yes of course

hollow comet
#

Felt like being nice

rn_image_picker_lib_temp_670095a7-6bba-4e97-a624-8850f8acf230.jpg
brisk edge
brisk edge
#

I gotta go on a rant

#

Why do women like bad guys or bad boys and why do they date them?

#

I swear to god my friend dated this one piece of shit

#

And then she finally broke up with him and now he’s talking shit

#

About her

#

I mean I don’t mean to victim blame

#

But what did you expect

#

Another rant I need to go on about

#

My dad and divorce

#

I still wanna get a PS5 but I can’t

#

No matter how many times I tell people I’m sorry

#

Nobody ever forgives me

#

So I’ve just not forgiven anyone either

#

It’s why I’m also anti 2nd chances

#

I don’t give people 2nd chances anymore

#

I know that seems pessimistic, negative, or rude.

#

But sorry

#

I can’t take any chances from people

hollow comet
hollow comet
hollow comet
brisk edge
#

And then they blame men for being bad guys

hollow comet
#

I 100% agree with you

brisk edge
#

Sorry you chose the wrong guy

hollow comet
#

Misandry is so dumb, alongside misogyny. Ykw, I don't understand why both genders even hate eachother anyways

#

It's stupid

brisk edge
#

Both genders cheat

#

Both genders lie

hollow comet
#

Exactly

brisk edge
#

I’m tried of seeing this anti men or anti women shit

#

It’s annoying asf

hollow comet
#

Seriously man

#

Not even just that

#

For example, certain situations. A woman would do this, everyone turns a blind eye but as soon as a man does the same thing, there's so much hate

#

When in reality, there should've been the same consequence

#

But anyways

#

Off topic, but

#

I

#

LOVE

#

Your pfp

#

It's cool, you're cool

#

🫶

brisk edge
#

The amount of stuff I see on Twitter

#

With double standards is insane

ripe lagoon
# brisk edge With double standards is insane

Sorry to bump in on this conversation but I quite literally just came from a Instagram comment section that was FULL of obviously gay women and men. Someone literally said "unpopular opinion: women would survive just fine without men" and then the comment under was so off topic. I think the guy was ranting about how his wife is a feminst and he doesn't like her for that reason 😐
I wonder why ppl marry ppl they don't like...also, If I paid attention in health class, which I did. I'm sure men and women both need each other to survive? Or maybe that's just another "unpopular opinion" lol 😅

hollow comet
#

Yeah, it's stupid. Like

brisk edge
#

Also hi MJ I remember you!

brisk edge
#

And men and women both work jobs to keep the world running

ripe lagoon
hollow comet
#

Does that actually even work?

ripe lagoon
# hollow comet Yeah, it's stupid. Like

😭 it's always been stupid. Started with the old men thinking women were useless and crap and now it's women blaming EVERYTHING ON men. Ofc it's NOT everyone, but frfr. Yall r embarrassing urselfs 🤦🏾‍♀️

hollow comet
#

SERIOUSLY

#

Like it's so stupid

brisk edge
hollow comet
brisk edge
ripe lagoon
# hollow comet Like it's so stupid

😭 I just sit back and watch while shaking my head. My childern WILL NOT be hating the opposite gender. I'll make sure they have common sense. The war ends with me.

brisk edge
brisk edge
hollow comet
#

Twitter scares me...

ripe lagoon
#

Trust me I'm never going on "X" ever again in my life

hollow comet
brisk edge
#

I don’t use my opinions on it

#

I just tweet memes

#

That’s all

hollow comet
#

I go on it sometimes

brisk edge
#

I don’t get into drama or get into politics really

#

I just simply post a pic

#

Then leave

hollow comet
#

That's real tbh

#

I go on to just look at memes and stuff

brisk edge
hollow comet
#

Bet man, of course

brisk edge
#

I can explain the name if you’d like😭😭

hollow comet
#

Hispanicoffwish is crazy💀💀💀

#

Yes pls

ripe lagoon
#

I only have insta and discord. I can't deal with all that other stuff. Snap, Twitter, etc. 😭 they be doing TO MUCH. I would delete Instagram if it wasn't the only way to talk to most of my friends

brisk edge
#

So I’m Puerto Rican and Greek so I’m mixed

#

And so my friend said since I’m half white

hollow comet
brisk edge
#

I’m hispanicoffwish

hollow comet
brisk edge
#

So I came up with the name cause I thought it was hella funny

brisk edge
hollow comet
brisk edge
#

But I mainly use this app and Twitter

#

But Reddit on the other hand☠️

ripe lagoon
brisk edge
#

Reddit is crazy