things are bleak maybe im just being melodramatic
#idk man im just not feelin great
strange snow
gots problems but dont we all so who am i to complain i should just be quite and figure things out myself or maybe im just doing this so people can feel bad for me idk i need to stop looking in do much on these things im 18 and acting like my life is over jeepers
but in all seriousness i am trying to get better emphasis on trying
shits hard
ddang at this point im just ranting so why not
loud iris
strange snow
my spiral started at the end of my freshman year when my best friend i fell in love with broke up with me after a week of us dating she made me feel special and for some reason im still not over her its not like we had a fight she just couldn't see me more then a friend and thats fine i could never fault her for that but it hit me hard and it was the beginning of summer so locked myself in my room for a month didint shower and only left to get food to eat inside im also dumb as rocks so i had to go to summer school she did to ok from now on il just call her tom not her name but placeholder but yeah tom also had to go to summer school and every time i saw tom i hyperventilated and had a freakout the first time i hid a the bathrooms and cried for half an hour but yeah after that i didint talk to tom for 2 years and in that time i was just depressed im 100% in saying tom was my first love things were just right with her it felt normal i didint have to hide anything and her smile warmed me up everything was perfect but without tom i realized how overdependent i was with her and that was just not healthy but so on in junior year i
was still pretty sad but i was feeling as if i just wasn't a person anymore i felt the person that tried really hard to impress his friends was just an act in in some parts it was so there were days where i wasnt just a wacky character to make people laugh and just completely void it was nice just not trying just relaxing after that i was able to lay a base of who i really was my own person i was a little happier flash to senior year after years of avoiding tom we had multiple classes together and a antisocial friend of ours wanted us to make up so we triend tom was rightfully mad at me for avoiding her for years but i was scared terrified that the person i loved hated me i explained to her and she sorta understood and we agreed to stay friends then i was put in a program because i was missing several credits i needed to graduate and was separated from my regular class for the rest of the school year and i think tom thought i avoided her again and the next time i saw her was at my senior trip which i was aloud to go to and after a random series of events i ended up hanging out with tom and her friend the entire time was terrible tom was being passive aggressive telling me her whole family hated me i wanted to leave but didint i still dont know why and that was the last conversation we had its been a full year since i graduated and i still yearn for closure but have no way of contacting tom anymore it hurts why a person i have nothing but love and respect for would say such mean things to me and thats all im gonna say today might do the rest later but yeah most of my problems stem from a girl i liked was mean to me now im sad boohoo
night
sorry for mispels too lazy to fix
loud iris
Bro what
strange snow
just a lazy sad man doing a bad job at explaining his problems