mostly looking for advice | The Therapy Center | Page 1

fierce hazel May 9, 2024, 1:17 AM

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trigger warning for some topics MAYBE

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MAIN TOPIC, BRIEF: I need advice with my anger, anger management is not an option, neither is therapy an option for me right now.

Recently I've just been incredibly angry, it's either over small things like not being able to do something, someone having a response I didn't like, or sometimes I have no idea why I'm angry at all.
I've talked about this several times in my own personal server with my own personal friends and I know they don't have to answer and I'm not mad if they don't answer either, I guess I'm really just trying to get answers for myself. Which is shocking to me because I usually just try to fix my own problems without asking for any help at all. And I still do believe I can help myself, so for right now I think I just need some advice. I've had problems with my anger for a VERY long time, it starting to pick up more aggressively when I was around 12-13. This usually just started as me yelling or shouting but it progressively got to the point I was so angry that I would hit things, throw things, etc. I've never really had a good outlet to release pent up anger I've built up say over the past week, or month. So in the end when something sends me spiraling I just end up letting all of my anger out on something, usually furniture around my room or going outside to try and calm myself. I'm not really SURE where this anger originated, or began. I just know I can relate it to my own mother, because I know she deals with similar anger I do.

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I'm scared I might slip up and say something I'll regret later to the ones close to me, including the ones I love, and I'm scared of this not because I think I'm a bad person but because I've seen this happen with my own mother. She says things in a fit of burning rage that she ultimately regrets later, leading her to apologize to the ones she has hurt, including me. And that "I'm sorry" feels empty, like it really doesn't mean anything. And I'm not saying my own mother is a bad person, but I'm saying we share the same anger, and I don't want to fall into the same pit she has.

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I want to say this before continuing to write, my parents are not bad people, nor have they hit me physically or thrown things at me.

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I find comfort in relating to characters who share the same anger as me, even so far as to say it makes me upset when I see someone else sympathizing or relating to said character. It's not a big issue and I'm aware that seems chronically online but sometimes it has been an issue for me.

fierce hazel May 9, 2024, 3:30 AM

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trigger warning:|| Mentions of sexual assault(??)||
||Usually at night I'm left alone with my own thoughts and feelings, and I think back on past events in my childhood that may or may not have effected me badly now that I am older. I don't want to go into graphic detail, but several times in my childhood I have been "accidentally" grabbed or touched in areas I would rather not be touched in by my childhood friends. But of course I was young, and so was the person who had touched me. I've found myself in between an area of saying "I'm just looking for attention and it wasn't that important, and it didn't effect me" and "They were young as well, and they didn't know what they were doing." But than I look back at in an look at another perspective, and when I do in fact see what happened from say maybe a strangers perspective I'm always finding myself saying "that is clearly sexual assault no matter how you look at it" but once I return to my own view point I'm still just hit with my own thoughts like "it didn't even effect me."||
||I haven't spoken to anyone about this EVER, in fact this is my first time ever speaking about what happened. If anyone is reading this, I could explain something with more context, but I wanted to keep it as brief as possible.||

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Considering I haven't told anyone about this, and I am still in contact with this person, I would really like some advice on the matter.

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mostly looking for advice

fierce hazel May 9, 2024, 3:50 AM

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fierce hazel trigger warning:|| Mentions of sexual assault(??)|| ||Usually at night I'm left ...

apart from this mess could I get some advice on sleep paralysis??
I have this weird kind of sleep paralysis isolate something and in short terms its like my brain is awake but my body isnt
so I'm left there on my bed, cant move, cant see, cant speak and i can only hear things around me while im just stuck in my own mind
it's happened to many times i dont stress about it anymore because usually after a few seconds or 1-2 minutes my body wakes up

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now i know i could just look up "advice for sleep paralysis" but if there is anyone else with this issue that could help me it would be great

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it happens a lot less now from when i was younger but if it does happen again id rather be prepared instead of freaking out trying to scream or wake my body up

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I also experience vocal hallucinations, usually at night when im going to bed, if anyone could get me some advice on that aswell

fierce hazel May 13, 2024, 12:11 AM

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i dont know why but im just so angry all the time even when i dont realize it

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it doesnt matter what im doing, i could be hanging out with my friends, and 10 minutes later ill just get angry

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and half of the time i dont even know why

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ive been feeling an unreasonable amount of dysphoria lately, and im just constantly angry about it

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its almost like if i'm feeling stressed or sad about something it just all turns into this anger and adds fuel to a fire

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i just have no idea what to do about it

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i talk to the ones i love and it does help, but i just get reminded of something and get heated again

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:05 AM

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can i rant here aswell

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im going to assume it is because other people have

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alot of times on different social media platforms i come across videos of people relationships, specifically more leaning to gay relationships because i am gay and its more targeted to me because of this
now, usually im not someone that flinches or gets all mad when someone says a slur around me and i dont mean to be like that in the sense "im so edgy i dont melt like those liberal snowflakes" but more in the sense my humor also kind of just leans that way

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but recently its been bugging me out and for awhile aswell

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i see alot of straight relationships and alot of gay relationships at a time on my feed, and the comments are interchangeable
mostly just something along the lines of "if i cant be happen nobody can"

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but once i dive deeper into the relationships i can relate to there are people saying straight up slurs fo no reason at all, or just something insanely passive aggressive if you were in the room with that comment you could cut the tension with a knife

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and USUALLY im just like okay whatever what can you do but the more and more i see these videos and read the comments the more i realize about a handful of people in those comments are not infact just making a joke

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but actually do hate those people in that relationship just because its just two dudes kissing

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and it makes me wonder about my future with my boyfriend

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if someone sees us out in the street theres a chance we could be yelled at or worse and im not sure how to deal with that

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and i cant believe when i was single i acted the same way

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saying shit like "if im not happy nobody can be" when i see a happy couple

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single people are just salty man

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and im in no way shape or form saying i want to break up with my boyfriend or im being backed away from the one i love just because someone might yell at me from across the street

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i love him and i always will but im also scared for him and myself

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:13 AM

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Yo dawg can you do a tl;dr or sumt

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When you're done

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:14 AM

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slate badger Yo dawg can you do a tl;dr or sumt

yes my glorious king i will

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i was planning on it

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:14 AM

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Ty pooks

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:14 AM

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back to what i was sayin

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i live in the deep south, and my parents and everyone around me that i dont know on a personal level seem conservative

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of course i plan on moving away but i also have to think about things like college and my future career

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me and him are long distance, and we plan on seeing eachother as soon as possible or whenever i can actually see him

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but im not so sure about staying here

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yes i am scared of how people will react especially down here

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:17 AM

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South of the world or South of USA

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?

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:17 AM

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south of USA i shoulda mentioned

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america

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:17 AM

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O ok

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:17 AM

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everyone down here is STRAPPED you can imagine how scary it can be to be walking alone someplace or at night and just see a stranger across the street also alone it doesnt matter who it is or what they look like

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and its no good up in the midwest where my boyfriend is, i mean he tells me about things that happen throughout his day and a few times he's mentioned coming across people who just ask him strange things

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like "are you gay" "are you trans" etc

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and i cant help but wonder if he answered "yes" to any of those questions could he have been hurt

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i think thats it uhhmm

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tl;dr im homo and so is my boyfriend but i live in the south so everybody hates the gays what am i meant to do here

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:19 AM

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Wait are you in hs rn or college

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:20 AM

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currently in hs planning for college

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:20 AM

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College where

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:20 AM

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well there is a place down where i live thats a good college for me but if it came down to it i would most likely move somewhere more comfortable and attend college there

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:21 AM

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If you can move you should

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After hs obviously

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:21 AM

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me and him have been talking about moving, even moving countries because of how bad it is

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but the big issue is money

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:21 AM

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South is Texas right?

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:21 AM

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im not in texas but youre on the right track

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:22 AM

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Yeah

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Move

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After hs

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You got a job?

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:23 AM

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ive been trying to save up money wise but its insanely difficult because im under 19 and nobody around my area seems to be hiring under 19

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:23 AM

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Nah real ain't nobody here hiring either

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But your bf got a job?

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:23 AM

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ffs i js need a job 😭🙏

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:24 AM

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slate badger But your bf got a job?

he works jobs in the summer because he has school and music anytime else

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:24 AM

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Dang

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You're cooked

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:24 AM

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ik bro

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send help

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:24 AM

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I'm too poor to send help

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:24 AM

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😔

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:24 AM

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I spend all my money on food

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:24 AM

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too real im afraid

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:24 AM

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Wait how you fna afford college

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:25 AM

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my future career is in health science as a physical therapist and the college i plan on going to which is where i live now offers jobs for people who work on campus

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paying for tuition or dorms

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but if that doesnt work out i plan on going to a community college

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:26 AM

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Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh you're cooked lil bro

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Aont no advice to give

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:26 AM

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big misfortune

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:26 AM

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You're sure your parents would be upset if they found out?

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:27 AM

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absolutely dawg so heres the kicker

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im a trans man and my parents were NOT happy to find that out

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:27 AM

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WAIT I HAVE A QUESTION

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:27 AM

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go for it

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:27 AM

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IVE HAD THIS QUESTION FOR AWHILE

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SO ARE YOU GAY OR ARE YOU JS

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Wait

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Idk how to ask this

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Without being offensive

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:27 AM

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ok so

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nah its ok

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im a transguy but i also happen to like guys

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my boyfriend is bisexual

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:28 AM

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So yous a femboy but in reverse

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Or

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:28 AM

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bruh 😭🙏

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femboy in reverse 😭🙏

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:28 AM

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It's true tho 😭

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But what were you saying

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:29 AM

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if that helps you understand better yes

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:29 AM

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slate badger But what were you saying

community college is my option if i dont have enough money

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:29 AM

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No you already said that one

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:29 AM

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uhhh

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:29 AM

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fierce hazel im a trans man and my parents were NOT happy to find that out

What you gna say smth after this

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Or

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Nah

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:30 AM

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well

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if they found out i also happened to have a boyfriend im not sure how they would react

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most likely badly

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:30 AM

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What'd they do when they found out you was trans

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Wait couldn't you just tell them you're straight

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Like yh it would be a lie

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But if BIOLOGICALLY speaking you're

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Yh

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:31 AM

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well my parents are conservative christians but its not like theyre ABUSIVE or anything

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but they react badly to certain topics

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:32 AM

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slate badger Wait couldn't you just tell them you're straight

with the knowledge of them knowing im a transman they would not fuck with my boyfriend

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:32 AM

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Sorry you said you were from the south so everytime I think of smth I think of your parents as young Sheldon's parents 😭🙏

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I'm trying my best to get my two braincells to work I promise 🙏🙏🙏

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:32 AM

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DAWG😭

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that is absolutely wild 😭

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young sheldons parents 😭

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:33 AM

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fierce hazel with the knowledge of them knowing im a transman they would not fuck with my boy...

Couldn't you js tell them you aint trans anymore

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And then come out after you've moved out of their house

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Whenever that is

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:33 AM

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slate badger And then come out after you've moved out of their house

Come out again I mean

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:34 AM

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my mom is deadset on me just going through a phase and that im not actually transgender despite admitting to thinking about this since i was at the prime age of 12

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to reverse transition socially to my parents is like digging my own grave

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while my parents can be rough sometimes i dont plan on going no contact with them in the future

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so it'd go like
saying im not transgender
moving out to live with my boyfriend
them finding out i lied
having to transition all over again

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:35 AM

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Wait so how does the transition work is it js clothes or like pills

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:35 AM

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well theres various different steps to transitioning

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socially medically etc

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:35 AM

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Oh

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So you said socially?

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:36 AM

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thats just me however everybody has different experiences

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:36 AM

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slate badger So you said socially?

im not medically transition YET

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:36 AM

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Dawg js take the 1 L to your mom for now if you wna stay w your bf

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Or risk it nd js tell them

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Wait

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:37 AM

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i take a big fat L this "one time" i have to admit to my mother she was right and endure endless years of teasing and my mom js calling me a boyfailure all over again

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:37 AM

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What were we talking abt in the first place 😭

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I had so many questions I forgot

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:37 AM

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america aint the best place for homos right

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so im scared to leave my house with my boyfriend and someone yelling at us or giving us weird looks

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or worse

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:38 AM

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Dear lord I'm not the right person for this

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I got too many questions

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:38 AM

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its fine bro 🙏

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:38 AM

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So

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Why would they yell at your bf

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Or why would you get weird looks

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:39 AM

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people are still deadset on not liking gay people for whatever reason

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:39 AM

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How would they know he's gay

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If yall is in a long distance relationship

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:40 AM

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i mean future wise

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:40 AM

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Ohh

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Move to NY

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:40 AM

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when we arent all that long distance

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:40 AM

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Idk abt irl but in the movies they seem to support lgtbq

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:40 AM

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slate badger Move to NY

istg i hate NY no offense to anyone in NY

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:40 AM

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I love big cities

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:40 AM

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not a big fan

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:41 AM

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Biased asf tho cs I was born in the most dense city in the world

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But anyways

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Where would you move

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If you did

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:41 AM

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we thought about moving countries at some point

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well we TALKED about it

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:41 AM

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Yo

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That's stupid

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:41 AM

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but if we had to move a to a different state most likely Wyoming

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nobody lives in wyoming bro

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:41 AM

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America by fat is definitely the best country for lgbtq rights other than maybe Canada rn

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:42 AM

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fierce hazel nobody lives in wyoming bro

I've heard 🙏

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:42 AM

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slate badger America by fat is definitely the best country for lgbtq rights other than maybe ...

ts is so wrong bro 😭

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:42 AM

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slate badger America by fat is definitely the best country for lgbtq rights other than maybe ...

The whole continents of Asia, South America, and Africa are js sm worse

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And europe

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:42 AM

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im not sure if you are or are not american but america is most definitely not the best place for lgbtq people

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:42 AM

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slate badger And europe

Europe's Europe

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:43 AM

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the most accepting and safe countries are scandinavian countries

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like norway finland or sweden

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:43 AM

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Oh

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True

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Swedens nice

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I forgot abt that place

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I went there once

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Good chocolate

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:44 AM

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we talked about moving to norway or sweden

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:44 AM

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I'm pretty sure in the current economy Sweden would be the cheapest for a 1st world country rn

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And free healthcare

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Yeah Sweden seems like the best choice

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Norway idk

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Never been

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:45 AM

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norway is kind of expensive as of now but its pretty safe there

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sweden or canada is most likely our best choices

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:45 AM

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Canada is Walmart america

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Trust me I grew up here

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:45 AM

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still somehow safer

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:46 AM

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Safer yeah but if you don't like NY you won't like Toronto or Quebec

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:46 AM

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nah i fw toronto

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🧍‍♂️

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:46 AM

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You fw Toronto but not NY?,

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:47 AM

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for the silliest reason too

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:47 AM

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What is it crodie

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:47 AM

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because scott pilgrim vs the world took place in toronto

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:48 AM

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Okay but breaking bad was in usa

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I think

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Is new Mexico in the south of USA?

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:48 AM

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slate badger Okay but breaking bad was in usa

right but breaking bad didnt take place in NY

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:49 AM

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Right

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Spiderman is in NY

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:49 AM

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slate badger Is new Mexico in the south of USA?

yes

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or no

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new mexico is a state

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:49 AM

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Is it south tho

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:49 AM

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its in the southwest

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:49 AM

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Oh aight

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:50 AM

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slate badger Spiderman is in NY

Into the spidervese > Scott pilgrim

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(I haven't watched Scott pilgrim)

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:50 AM

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very debatable here

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:50 AM

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I only kno Scott pilgrim cs lil uzi album eternal atake is a Scott pilgrim reference apparently

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Icel

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:50 AM

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bruh 😭

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its a series and a comic book

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:51 AM

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Thought it was a TV show

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I heard the main character was a pedo

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From a stranger on the internet

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Very trustable sources

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:51 AM

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well to boil it down hes a lil freak but its more complex

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:51 AM

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Dang me frl

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We js a couple of freaks

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Gettin freaky

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:52 AM

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scott pilgrim if it was freaky is just normal scott pilgrim

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:52 AM

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Crazy 😭

fierce hazel May 15, 2024, 4:52 AM

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ik it is

slate badger May 15, 2024, 4:52 AM

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Aight ima dip

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Hope I helped w

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Wrvr I forgot

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Cya

#mostly looking for advice