steel dove
I have many issues in life.
We all know feelings dont follow logical objective truths. To many im privileged and I have it easy in life when it comes to resources I have available. But Ive nontheless been on the edge for a long time, only not taking the last step over, because ive quite frankly been too weak to commit.
Its gotten a bit more stable recently, I wouldnt say better since my inherent problems remain unchanged, but I am not actively suicidal anymore, aside from the occasional breakdown in the moment (which dont, i think, carry a risk of comitting, but wishing it to be over nontheless).
A friend of mine casually asked today, how come im always free, if i dont have school or a job. So, as ive begun opening up to more people in general with success, i went for it here too.
I told him why, how i feel, and the accompanying guilt from feeling so bad despite my supposed privilege.
Now, it might very well be him projecting his own issues onto me with envious hatred, as he is in a worse resource sotuation, as seems to also have gone through mental issues himself. (Hes in india, im in denmark.)
He basically told me that I should stop being a bum not doing anything, and that the very least I could do was start going to the gym, take online classes or go find something other productive activity. That i have no right to feel suicidially sad about my life, when i have so many things offered to me (like government financial debt free support), that its my own fault for being stuck in this "pit of dispair" for 5 years, because i dont simply man up and pull myself out.
Telling me thinking about suicide, and "pulling the suicide cart for pity" isnt valid for someone who has my priveliges.
Essentially what i read as "stop being sad, you have nothing to be sad about", effectively calling me selfvictimising.
I suppose this post has alot of r/aita vibes, but I didnt reply to alot of his, to me, berating, and simply wrote "thats not how mental illness works", and blocked him off.
I do have issues with isolation, and have had tendencies and plans to cut off friends, leave communities etc before, so this adds to my insecurity of whether my response is justified.
I realise I could and probably should have/try to explain how I read his response, try to explain how his attempts at "giving me advice" (which for the record, could have been what he was trying, albeit with very thick vibes of accusation), was only hurting me.
He has previously been very uncaring regarding respect/consideration towards others. Quite often does he say he will do one thing, like have people wait for him, to not show because he didnt feel like it, without a heads up or even apology. - a discussion that was brought up with him, which he never rectified, acknowledged or felt bad about doing in fact only feeling insulted that we would feel anoyed with him about it.
But I ask here, am i right to "remove a toxic element from my life"?
He still have several ways to contact me, but he seems to not care at all that i blocked him on steam/discord, judging by his activity on shared servers, some of which being small friend groups. So im inclined to think he doesnt think he said anything wrong, and that im truly a loser that doesnt deserve his sympathy, let alone apology.
cunning storm