Am I just ungrateful

[full aurora]

Hi, I just need brutal advice about my situation.

My parents have always provided for me and we have never lacked food on the table. I do feel some distance from my parents simply because we have different mother tongues (mine being spanish, and my parents being filipino). This doesnt make communication easy since sometimes what I want to express simply gets cut. Regardless of that, I always try to communicate to them that I loved them and hug them every day. My father and mother get into arguments very often involving family issues and money, more than anything. This usually leads to one of them crying or having an emotional outburst. We (me and my brother) have never been abused physically, but sometimes bad words would come out of their mouth. I dont know if I should just remain stoic about it, but often it just makes me feel miserable.

What happened recently prompted me to reach out to here.

Basically, there is this one international scholarship I want to take. It covers dorms, tuition, and you are given a monthly stippend and everything. Knowing about it, rekindled an interest for me to put more effort in my academics. I told my parents about it, and while they supported the idea at the beginning, now I hear cries and opinions I never heard about me up until now.

I tried to calmly explain to them the validity of my information, but they wont even allow me to apply to take the exam, which is the main thing I want to experience. Being chosen for the scholarship would be amazing, but I know how competitive it is, so I have already settled with at least being able to experience the exam, which really motivates me to fix my study habits. Whilst my parents are not necessarily overprotective, they often lock me experiences that I find to be meaningful and that will really help me to improve my character. One example of this would be going to the gym. I have now convinced them that the gym is an amazong place, but back then I used to get screamed at for it. I dont want to commit the sin of hating my parents, but things like these are quite difficult to be stoic about. I find it strange how I never got mad at friends and have alway kept a calm composure, but when it comes to my family, I am easily more irritated. I guess that is one of the reasons we never have like a day of the week dedicated to going out as a family. Maybe I could have portrayed my family in a better light, but that is honestly what I feel currently. I am aware my parents always feed me and take care of me, so i wonder if this frustration towards them is just me being an asshole about it.

[past panther]

Doesn't sound like that to me.

It seems like your parents are going through a tough situation, and they project that onto you.

The ideas of living your own life and respecting your parents opinions aren't contradictory.

I would say that you should always put yourself in number one priority, regardless of anyone and anything.

Even if that means being ungrateful, which I don't believe you are.