This is more of a general vent but please be pairing and bear with me because I rarely have the words for anything.
TL:DR (Is something wrong with me or am I just looking for a reason to be a semi bad person?)
So I don’t want to be a ||victim|| or mentally ill but I want to know where I stand. I’m not always a good person and I know something is wrong with me. I don’t know if I’m looking for a solution or an excuse to be this way but no one will listen and I feel like such a brat with a victim mentality. I lose so many fights that I literally cling to the pettiest of wins to the point it’s pathetic. I was too young to be doing the things I was doing and I think it ||fucked|| me up really badly. I can be neglectful, quick to pick a fight, maybe a little ungrateful and selfish but I don’t know, It’s just what I’ve been told. I’m just not sure what to do. I want someone to tell me what I am. This is kinda my only option since not many will listen to me. My mom knows about… a lot (not my own doing, I never wanted her to find out) but I don’t think she takes it very seriously and I can’t really ask her too. I probably seem a little over dramatic to her asking for a therapist. Am I a ||victim||, unstable, normal, attention seeking? So much has happened to me that I was upset about in the moment and a lot of it was very F’ed up but am I processing it right or is it all in my head? I need a concrete answer but I can’t even write a straightforward question so that makes it difficult. I’m not sure how to do but oh well…