#No more friends

36 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

mighty tide
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So growing up I've always been an introverted person so making friends was difficult but I do end up making some friends. Most of them ended up either forgetting about me since I wasn't that close to them. But one highschool friend of mine do stick around for almost 10 years dropping by my house every week to watch anime and cartoon. Then one day he stop showing up, I can't contact him at all and that was it, no explanation no good bye nothing. Then a person I've known for 3 years online and we've grown very close also suddenly disappeared and no explanation and no good-bye either. So...this year my friend count went from 2 to 0. I'm handling it better than I thought I would maybe it's because I've grown numb to this maybe my life has been that shitty (this is a story for another day). Well basically I hope someone could instruct me on how to keep going from now on.

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No more friends

faint blaze
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u just go to the same place and thats it, no connection

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from my personal experience, i had to go through atleast 80 people, atleast 60 were pretty short term and didnt work out, 15 was kind of long term but it was problematic over time, so we parted ways

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out of all of that i have about 5 close friends, some are problematic too and relationships require a lot of maintanance

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and ghosting + "injustice" is a normal experience

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all i can say it requires effort and a lot of understanding

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start with connecting to people that share mutual interests, flow of conversation will determine every connection, if u dont have much to talk about, u have no basis and it wont work out

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especially its illusory with gaming friends for example, gaming can get habitual and create an illusion of a deep bond if u play every day, but at the same time remain completely superficial - when u stop playing the shared games, or the other person simply loses interest in them, the relationship ended right there

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u also have to have something of value to give to people, and it has to be a process of reciprocity, with people who dont have much going in their life its going to be pretty impossible, because u dont have experiences to share, struggles to overcome together and stuff to talk about

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and on top of that of course, even with people u end up having a connection, their and your personality is always changing, and problems reveal themselves over long periods of time so u can still end up leaving, or the person leaving you because it simply didnt work out

mighty tide
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So basically finding a friend is difficult, and having a true friend is nearly impossible. What are my chances of being best friend with myself then?

faint blaze
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your "chances" are determined by the effort u put in

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not by luck

mighty tide
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I had that with someone we talked about all our problems and we comforted each other in our lowest moments. For 3 years I thought it would be like that for a long time but a week ago they suddenly disappeared.

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I'm not blaming anyone it's just confusing for someone to just disappeared when there was nothing wrong, no argument, no signs nothing

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Finding a friend for me irl is quite difficult outside of work cause I work 6 days a week full time. And I'm too broke financially to even go out and have a coffee.

faint blaze
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more then once

faint blaze
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discord servers

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irl its too limited

mighty tide
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Yep

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If I may ask what's your mentality when something like this happens?

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I mean how do you go about processing it and moving on?

faint blaze
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recognize that your knowledge can be very limited => stop after enough exploration

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u just have to recognize where u can go further as to knowing "why" it happend

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because a lot of the times u cant know the full why

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then u just move to other relationships

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good rule of thumb is to just discuss it in the next friendships occasionaly - am i doing something u dislike?

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do u feel like were compatible? etc

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then u can work on the solution

thick swift