#i dont know what is hurting me

22 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

dense quarry
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i have been feeling like this and what makes me mad it's the fact that i can't identify the issue in a way to help me.

i'm stressed and i feel so sad and i can't fo shadow work cause it keeps making me cry everytime i don't know what to answer. if my answers are short i end being sad. i think it has been a month since i have left all social media and haven't been talking to my friends until i feel better. the thing that happened was that i really compare myself to everyone, i felt like i was doing nothing, i hated to see how everyone read books and i didn't it felt like a presure so ended up reading just to fit in and i ruined my favourite books nooo i ended up reading my books fast never understanding what happened. i never read my favourite books because everyone says i have to grow up and read serious stuff. I'M TIREDDD!! i'm so tired of having a dream and everyone being there to tell me how this wise philosopher said that there's no hope. i'm tired of not having my own opinion or beig in titled to my opinion. i never disagree because i love people and i want to listen and i want to be in the same group as them but it feels like... it feels.. as if.. they're hurting meeeee.

i know this is funny and stupid but i sorta started to fall apart ever since me and my friends started to watch movies and they always gave each other the fun, cool main character. while i got leftoverrrssssss!! ! and they said you have the most nicest one , thanks? but is that all i ever am? a kind and optimistic person? i'm nothing else? what about ambitious? it's like i have no personality out of everyone

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i feel mad. i feel so maddd!!! like why do i always and forever respects everyone values and get nothing? i swear i hate keeping score but at this point it's funnyy!!!!!&#€@€@€@

MY FRIEND was hellaa mad because we killed a bug and she went full dramatic mode and writig letters !!!! yet she doesn't feel so bad when she breaks a value of mine or thinks it's funny!!! WHY DOES YHIS KEEP HAPPENING TO MEEEE!! at this point i think it's my fault the most because i NEVER sacrificed anything for myself... that's why i rather be crying on the floor then texting my friends. I'm literally going cray cray but- &@&@£+£ I CAN'TTTTT. I HAVE BURN BRIDGES. i miss my friends, so much. i miss their stupid gossips, i kinda feel disappointed that all of these things has happened to me because in my head i always make myself second to best and for some stupid reading challenges that doesn't worth a dim. i want to text my friends... but i can't. this is once for every timeline but... i can't help feeling sad about the fct that they're not texting meeeee nooo nooo they said "we understand take your time." NOOO text me sometimes pleaseee ask me how im doing nooo nooo why i told my friend i will throw my dream of finding the one under the bus if you want to live with me when we're 30 and she said YES but she isn't talking to meeeee nooo nooo

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i don't know how to fix my problem or how to do my hobbies when im this stressed- i want to have a movie masterpiece comeback but then i don't want to be perfect !!!! i wanted to be people person not some perfect image of everything but then everyone wants me to be perfect but then everyone hates perfect and will become my enemy and no one will truly fall in love with me. i want to be normal and people person and be open about my mistakes but no one is going to love a second to best who is flawed and has mental breakdown and can't be in public 24/7. i will never find the one with being me and normal. they will always and forever pick my artist friend or my funny friend or my influencer friend because she has beautiful green eyes.

also can i say something? i think the reason i feel like this it's because i have been traumatised by my friend. i once was in relationship with her friend and it was fine but my best friend came to me and said "you two are cute but she would've been a better match for your sister." i just died. because a) my best friend was my ex best friend and they knew each other from a long time ... b) my best friend never knew my sister.

dense quarry
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okay- i want to take what's mine without being envious. my father bought a computer for me and my brother and now my brother wants to sell it and keep all the money for himself and i said i want half and he's like you're jealous.

dude jesus i'm jealous? he now says that we just had lot of pity for you in that time and we lied because you wanted laptop and dad didn't bought you so we just felt sad for you.

i don't know how that makes me jealous but i'm more mad of my father and i really want to spilt that man in half because i said i wanted a laptop first and they bought a computer for my brother, they took my loan from bank and spend it on a car they wanted.

now i want to go to my dad and tell him all about his stupid lie and how they keep taking my money and if they do it this time i'm actually going to ||kill myself||

dense quarry
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I'm confused- my friend just wrote something on her Instagram story and they wrote how people who are about love are the most boring people on earth, i feel as if it was all about me. i don't know why they keep doing this to me, i don't know why i should get hurt by the ache that other put in them. i always tried to be careful with my friends and make my life about them, and at the end of the day i'm nothing but boring

dense quarry
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i always thought i couldn't do anything and i was right but not because i'm not cable of. it's because each time i do or decide something i get critics left and right. i want to fall in love my friends spend their time saying it's all false and waste of time and i should pick my friends, i pick ny friends they say how it's stupid of me to choose this and that, i do this it's that and i do that it's this.

dense quarry
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i wanted to write down my issues so i could be a people person- so that everyone could relate to me but at the same time i don't want to- i want to have a powerful, wise image because no one ever thinks i can be smart. how can i be a people person and smart?

dense quarry
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i don't feel like i desrve therapy.

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i think that's why i haven't started reading into it. i think i have too many problems and fixing one won't help

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all my harmful thoughts

dense quarry
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i dont know what is hurting me

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i thought i didn't felt good enough because i had to delete social media, i did. but i just got to the same conflict with my family and they always put my brother above me and when this happens i can't feel pretty

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i just wanted to feel like i had mom you know? i wished she would listen to me when i talked about getting a scholarship and would help me with the money, i wished my mom would say do you want some money? or i wished she wouldn't have said how my brother is smarter

ancient river
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It is the inauthenticity that is killing you

dense quarry
ancient river
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You aren't being true to yourself. You are hurting hoping they feel better yet wondering why you are hurting

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You should read the Gifts of Imperfections by Brené Brown

dense quarry
ancient river
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Have you ever read that book before?

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It helped me a lot

dense quarry