i just need to talk with someone

[sly siren]

i will start with a trigger warning due to mentions and references to ||suicidal thoughts||.

I've recently been struggling a lot with forgiving myself and moving forward in my life. there's been a lot of issues I've had with countless people, servers and communities over the past few years, and that has really taken a toll on the way i perceive myself as an individual.

these issues were usually a result of my own mistakes/wrongdoings, and i can admit and acknowledge that i said/did a lot of unacceptable, terrible things over the years. despite my efforts to apologize, take accountability for my actions, and make amends with anyone i hurt or wronged, I have unfortunately still been met with brutal hostility and witch hunting.

it would take far too long for me to even begin describing the way I have been vilified and portrayed as a selfish, unlikable, worthless piece of shit. that rhetoric has been so strong that i genuinely lost the desire to live. i spent years suffering from severe ||suicidal thoughts|| because these people had me fully convinced that society as a whole would be far better off without me.

to this day I still struggle to be gentle and kind with myself. I just need to figure out how to find peace in my life, and how to be truly happy with the person I am.

TL;DR – I'm having a really hard time letting go of emotional pain from past situations and forgiving myself for mistakes I've made.

<@&993332385670246420>

[slender sonnet]

one start is to forgive yourself for the things, and some people wont be able to do that, but thats okay, as long as your getting better

mayhaps look for new people. if the ones your trying to make amends arent seeing the changes your doing

[long silo]

@sly siren This sounds like a very difficult experience to go through.

And I understand that the guilt and shame of your past mistakes and wrongdoings is holding you back from being happy and forgiving yourself. I can only imagine how difficult that must feel.

But I want you to know that it is not too late to start over, and to forgive yourself for what you have done. Even though your past mistakes may have hurt others, and even though the consequences of those actions may follow you for a long time, they do not define you as a person.

And it is not true that you are a selfish, unlikable, worthless piece of sh*t. You have the power to make changes in your life, and to be proud of your progress and achievements. No matter how badly you may have messed up or how much you have hurt others, at the end of the day, everyone deserves a chance to redeem themselves, to learn from their mistakes, and to move forward with their lives. The way you're feeling is temporary, and you will be able to make peace with your past and find happiness again.

[sly siren]

@long silo @slender sonnet my apologies for the very late response, but i really appreciate your kindness and empathy. it means a lot to me after having been shown the opposite of that for so long... so thank you both