I need help-

[mortal oracle]

TW: starving, sh, sickness??

Uhm okay so I’ve been hiding a lot of this from people I’m close with but I think I’m getting bad again I hate the way I look and the way I act, I hate every small detail about me, I’ve been ||starving myself and self harming|| as much as I’m saying to my friends how good I am I’m a liar- and always physically weak and shaking now and I hate how I feel satisfied when I see my weight drop, I haven’t slept in a while my under eyes are almost completely purple that’s why I’ve been buying more concealers, I’m so obsessed with my physical appearance it’s draining and I’m trying to be happy and there for everyone but that’s just as draining and I’ve been trying to give signs that I’m doing bad and nobody sees them but hiding it is making it worse. My mind is a mess I haven’t slept in a while and my panic attacks are more frequent it’s hard to keep myself from crying or blowing up in anger at everyone but keeping a smile on my face is easy, I don’t wanna result back to the ||suicide thoughts|| again because I’m scared but I don’t know what to do I don’t want to scare my friends or my family I just- don’t know what to do-

[agile patrol]

I know what it’s like to hide things from others, but you know what you are doing to yourself. You notice the harm that’s done and you will have yourself forever.

The first thing you need is to recover your eating issues.

You’re more likely to be in a bad mental place when you are not eating well.

It’s the first need.

Your physical appearance cannot be covered up even if you are so focused on making yourself look good, people can tell you are unhealthy. People are worried about you but may not know how to say it. People care about you and want you to feel good.

Try to focus on self care instead of tiring yourself out from presenting okay to others.