#dealing with abusive parents

5 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

odd blaze
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My mom is a a hardworking woman she is also compassionate but has been losing that lately (due to all the stress caused by my dad) Has no idea why she married him. (Some how didn't see/ignored ALL red flags) Is just sick of life with him and is ready to d!e. Is deeply religious and thanks god for keeping her sane through this and said she would have killed herself if she wasn't Christian. Has lost more and more motivation over the years to even try to enjoy life, never goes out the house anymore. Lashes out more often. Is just straight up unhappy and stressed. Emotionally unstable. She does care for us though.

Being surrounded by this environment 24/7 is insane and constantly chipping away at my mental health. I've already gone through all the depression and suicidal thoughts, breakthroughs and breakdowns. now I'm here wondering how the hell to manage this. I'll give a bit more about myself and the situation.
2/?

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I'm 14 but i look/sound younger than that
I am below middle class, basically broke family barely making rent money.
I live in a very bad area notorious for high crime rates and going out the house alone is like waiting to be mugged/napped.
I have no where to go if I did run away.
I skipped 3 years of school due to depression at a young age and negligence from parents. (I am NOT at my grade level and constantly cheat for grades)
Home schooled/isolated from everyone since after 3rd grade. (Went to private Christian School before.
Due to isolation I now have social anxiety, and am insecure (never dealt with anything like this I've always been myself and not care what people think before)
The only real life human interaction I get is from some kids from church ive known all my life that I never have liked. I do have one friend and it's one of the girls there and she's way out of my league/world.
I have no idea who I am anymore. Im super aloof and base myself off of the way people around me act. (irl)
That's called masking a symptom of adhd and autism which I both have and I genuinely do not know how to stop. it's a huge problem for me and lead to dissociation which is making it worse.
Can't go out the house. Parents don't do anything outside of work, basically shut-ins. Not willing to take me anywhere. Can't pursue irl my hobbies. Not allowed to go with friends when dad is around.
3/?

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What do i do with myself? How can i get better in this environment. I'm trying to improve my education bc that's my ticket out of here but I barely have motivation to get out of bed. I'm procrastinating as I type this, I'm supposed to be catching up on school work right now. All I want to do is live my life.

Any advice for my situation? I feel hopeless.

((Please don't say to tell authorities or anyone. Trust me it's is not a viable option right now.))

4/?

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i seriously cannot remember if I already posted this jeez

late oak