#advice w/ parents

19 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

split yoke
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I don’t know if I’m overreacting but I feel like I’m being slightly manipulated by my dad…

Let’s start from the beginning I guess…

I’ve always felt like my dad put a lot of pressure on me to do good in school, ever since 7th grade. He would always be on my ass, checking my grades, and commenting on anything lower than an A. It would get on my nerves to the point I would cry from stress. During this time of my life, I was also getting bullied at school. But instead of helping me feel better and figure out a solution to the bullying, my parents would always say “oh just ignore it and focus on your studies.” It made me feel like my feelings weren’t being heard.

Now during COVID I got into gaming. Except since my parents were so strict I would do it behind their backs. It wasn’t that I wanted to disobey them…it’s just I felt like I couldn’t have any freedom to do anything and it never felt safe to ask them “oh is it okay if I do some gaming?” based on how they would always react to situations that dealt with things other than school work. So I would game behind their backs. During this time (I wasn’t medically diagnosed) but I feel like I might’ve developed some depression…and it got to the point where my father would glare and yell at me anytime I would be caught gaming. I mean I get it I guess…I would game instead of doing school work but that’s because I felt so sad all the time and wanted to find a way to make myself feel happy…

Now moving forward let’s just say after that traumatic experience, gaming become something I never did again…

And when I entered high school, let’s just say fighting with my dad became more frequent…

He would make me feel guilty? Like I don’t know how to explain it but every time I wouldn’t get the grade or achievement that he wanted, he would mumble and give me a disappointed look. I thought I was the problem and should do better to make him proud, so that’s what I TRIED to do.

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^^ A year later, last year, during 10th grade of high school, I developed really bad anxiety…

At first it wasn’t very frequent, just panic attacks every 3 weeks or so…but then it became very frequent and ended up becoming panic attacks every single night and day…

At first my doctor suggested seeing a therapist, but my parents said no saying “people who only have serious problems go to therapy, you’re fine.”

It took me going into the hospital multiple times and having thoughts of suicide to actually make them see that this was a problem and get me a therapist…

And now we’re here, present day, and I’m losing my fucking mind…

Every time I express my feelings of how I feel stressed or how I don’t like the way my dad makes me stressed, he laughs in my face…

It makes me feel like my feelings aren’t being heard…

So now idk what to do…is he being manipulative or just strict??

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Please I really need help with this I feel like I’m contradicting myself…

pliant lion
# split yoke ^^ A year later, last year, during 10th grade of high school, I developed really...

Your dad seems to be putting your studies way above your wellbeing or mental health. It could be because he just wants you to have a successul career, but either way, there seems to be a huge disconnect/misunderstanding or disagreement between you and your parents or mainly dad. While I do think there are other obvious issues happening, I don't think that he is trying to manipulate you, but is just being unreasonable and irrational.

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sorry u had to wait long for an answer btw

split yoke
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And thank you for responding! Your explanation makes sense, it’s just so annoying when my feelings and concerns aren’t being heard by him…he ends up laughing which makes me feel like a complete idiot for complaining 💀💀

pliant lion
split yoke
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He won’t learn from what I’m telling him

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But your explanation makes a lot more sense tho

pliant lion
split yoke
pliant lion
# split yoke Sadly I guess so 😭😭

I'm sorry 😭, but don't worry, as long as you can find a way to vent our problem or find another healthy way of dealing or healing your mental health, you'll be fine for the most part.

cold hazel
# split yoke ^^ A year later, last year, during 10th grade of high school, I developed really...

honestly, i hv similar parents. it got me messed up pretty bad. but looking back at it, it's not because my parents didnt care, maybe they just dont know how to be a good parent, since it's their first time being a parent. im sure ur dad is the same way too. it can be stressful to hv parents like these cause they kinda mentally abuse you? they would make u think tht u're emotions isnt important and they would rather prioritize your studies > you. but you shouldnt doubt yourself. if you ever feel like you need help, just go for it. you can go to a therapist or vent, something tht just helps :) i also want to tell you tht im proud of you. you're really amazing. even after what you've been through, you didnt give up and you still try your best to improve. im happy tht u decided to talk about it and ask for advice PeepoTeddy ily

hidden rose
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Well, it looks like someone (your dad) is projecting their own frustrations into you. First of all, understand your anxiety, depression, and overall deterioration of mental health is a perfectly valid response to the emotional abuse you're dealing with. Because it's what it is, abuse. If you're seeing a therapist, bring up the possibility of how to deal with an emotional abusive parent/family. Unless your parent does therapy to understand their own frustrations and why dumping them into you is their answer, all you can do is protect yourself. Try to establish boundaries. Make a plan. You're obviously not on a safe space for your mental health and own interestes.
Also, just to add, there's nothing wrong in gaming once in a while to wind down after a hard day. It doesn't even need to be a hard day. I hope you find solace along the way. And if anything, reach out to people. My DM's are always open ❤️

split yoke
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Or I’m being too sensitive

split yoke