#relationship anxiety

180 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

short edge
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I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years we’re both in our 40s we each have a child that lives with us 8 and 10 . I’m a very boring person I go to work come home keep a very small group of friends. We both have anxiety so when he had problems when my ex girlfriend 2 hrs away would text or my sons father also 2 hours away would call me I was understanding when most people wouldn’t have been. And spoke with people less. I was understanding when he would ask my friends for xanex when really I would feel like I don’t want my friends to feel like that’s why I come see them. I feel like there’s a big difference between taking a few extra and crushing up 5 and snorting them every few hours and completely blacking out. Now it escalated to he is getting adderall and he is talking to another woman at at like on a very personal level. He literally wasted 500 you can’t really do that when you have kids. When I confronted him about another woman his story continued to change so now I don’t know what to believe. He says it’s my anxiety I’m making things up but he left me a pocket voicemail from work I can hear some of the conversation. So now I feel like he’s just using me for someone to help with his daughter while he’s working so he can leave me me . I work and pay just as much as does. I feel like he’s using my mental health against me and I hate feeling this way. I don’t know how to know what to believe now.

cedar mountain
short edge
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I love him so I keep giving him chances but I feel like I can’t leave my rent money in my house either

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I wish he would just be honest I don’t think I should have to feel messed up right now he said he needed to talk to someone about something he was uncomfortable saying to me

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But who that was has changed from people to someone to a woman to a Facebook group but he pocket dialed from work

cedar mountain
short edge
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I don’t want to be just one more person in my step daughter’s life that abandons her both her parents were in and out of her life

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But I also feel if he can’t be honest I should stop being used too

cedar mountain
short edge
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Exactly which causes my anxiety to connect dots I don’t need to instead of just being ok

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This is going on 2 weeks now I feel like he could have been honest already

cedar mountain
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and then he says he does this shit bcs of r anxiety 😦

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easy way to invalidate someone indeed

short edge
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Yes I’m making things up in my head he as awake for 2 days texting someone else non stop his whole work bonus is gone and he pocket dialed but it’s my crazy

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When I said he acted like an addict he said I was name calling but I’m not saying it like that but what he did was like that

modest pagoda
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@cedar mountain, Can you summarize that whole paragraph, please?

cedar mountain
cedar mountain
short edge
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I know I keep trying to rationalize when I know

cedar mountain
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its oki

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its hard to be rational when emotions are involved

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and love and attachment

short edge
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I just wanted to build a nice quiet life with someone I thought he did too

modest pagoda
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@short edge

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Can I be your online daughter?

cedar mountain
short edge
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I just need to feel like someone is there

modest pagoda
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I'll read your paragraph.

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Wait.

cedar mountain
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iam sure your children bring a lot of value in your life, even if you were to breakup with him, not being with him would still be better since his behavior is pretty questionable

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even if you were a single mother

short edge
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I can’t just leave the situation because that’s impulsive and expensive I can’t afford that right now

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I’m not afraid of being alone

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Moving is alot down I don’t have alot of savings

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I’m not really a bully to kick people out either

cedar mountain
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damn

modest pagoda
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Please help?

cedar mountain
# modest pagoda I don't understand the paragraph.

stuck in a dysfucntional relationship with an addict, spends too much money on drugs, who prob cheats on her, refuses to have honest communication, and then blames it all on her because she has anxiety because of all of this, but cant leave because of financial issues

short edge
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Exactly

modest pagoda
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You don't have enough funds to start over?

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I think I get it.

short edge
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Now because he used my anxiety against me for 3 years I don’t have many people left in my life

modest pagoda
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Awwwwwww!

short edge
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I want to talk to people but I’m boring I worked took care of my family played phone games my life isn’t exciting for people to want to know about either so I feel like I shouldn’t bother a lot

modest pagoda
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I'll be your friend <3

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I think you're intriguing and cheerful!

short edge
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Are you my age? I’m grateful I make enough to pay my own bills if he leaves

modest pagoda
cedar mountain
short edge
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I get social anxiety so I started where people can’t see me I have interests listen to audio books cross stitch rpg games random tv and movies maybe I’m just letting him make me feel like I’m boring because it’s not what he’s doing

cedar mountain
modest pagoda
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What oh?

cedar mountain
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yeah he prob did make you feel boring

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since you have interesting interests

modest pagoda
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Why are you still with him?

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Have you tried to talk things out with him?

cedar mountain
short edge
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Because I love him

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I thought we were building a real life

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I confronted him in person and text

modest pagoda
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It's your fault.

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And I don't think she minds reiterating it?

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Do you?

short edge
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He thinks I’m dwelling

modest pagoda
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What a loser.

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Are you sure it's love?

cedar mountain
cedar mountain
# modest pagoda Are you sure it's love?

"I can’t just leave the situation because that’s impulsive and expensive I can’t afford that right now
I’m not afraid of being alone
Moving is alot down I don’t have alot of savings"

modest pagoda
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This is supposed to be a comforting place for her.

short edge
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I hate anxiety sometimes because I had weeks of thinking about all the things I missed so I feel stupid then feel stupid for still loving him

modest pagoda
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Financial issues are not prioritized.

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Or

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Are they?

short edge
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I pay my half of everything just like he does

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Now there’s a problem with his car and I’m going to be expected to chip in but I feel not confident enough in the relationship to make investments

modest pagoda
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AWWW!

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Does he pressure you into giving him money?

short edge
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He will try to

modest pagoda
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That's manipulative.

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I'd suggest you to find a better man.

short edge
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I don’t think jumping into something else is a good answer I should find a good way out

modest pagoda
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You're so young! You shouldn't waste your life in confinement!

modest pagoda
short edge
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I’m I guess is what’s middle aged

modest pagoda
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I think you're right.

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You have children.

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You're such a considerate mother.

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I'm impressed.

short edge
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I grew as a person in 20 years I didn’t always think like this so I understood things maybe I shouldn’t have

modest pagoda
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I respect that.

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Let's try to come up with solutions.

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  • Prescribe him mental therapy.
cedar mountain
modest pagoda
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Welcome back, Yaga <3

short edge
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I tried to tell him that he should get a different babysitter and not use me and he said he’s not because he pays half the bills I work daycare hours on purpose

modest pagoda
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I feel so much better when you're here with us.

short edge
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He works the weekend shift so he’s never home when the kids are

cedar mountain
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M sure because of his behavior it will deteriorate, or he would leave first

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so we will just have to see really

modest pagoda
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I'm sorry.

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Shouldn't have said that.

short edge
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It would be so much easier if he was just honest if I knew the whole truth and didn’t have to guess it would be easier to consider

cedar mountain
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i mean its pretty obvious that he is using you + cheating

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but yes

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him not telling

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is pretty shit

modest pagoda
cedar mountain
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so it leaves you questionning the situation all the time

short edge
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Yes

cedar mountain
short edge
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Lol he doesn’t even know what discord is

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You can’t do it for me anyway

modest pagoda
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I'll brb.

short edge
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I’m just appreciative that I’m being heard

cedar mountain
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what else is going in r life? is work fine? do u have other struggles?

short edge
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Work is good I like my job I have been playing a rpg on my phone a few months but kind slacked the last week because he said it was a stupid thing to do

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Thinking about listening to the shining audio book

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I’m not exciting but I didn’t feel like I should feel bad for that before

cedar mountain
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well sure you arent the most bold person on the planet

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but you still have interesting things to do

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are a responsible person

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and have integrity

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you do have value

short edge
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When you don’t have a car or a lot of money to throw around

cedar mountain
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doesnt mean that you are dry and boring tho

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how are your children? do they handle the situation good? or bad?

modest pagoda
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@cedar mountain Can you please compliment me too?

short edge
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I feel like it right now like it’s me that’s wrong as a person

cedar mountain
cedar mountain
short edge
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I’m really trying to be calm and not act impulsive but I don’t know how to improve my situation because it’s not my actions that caused it

cedar mountain
short edge
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I have a few people who still talk to me so I just have to keep talking because by the time I get my emotions worked out I he will be home again and it will feel like starting over and being lost at the same time

modest pagoda
modest pagoda
cedar mountain
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i had problems with my ex too where she lied a lot

modest pagoda
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Vega! Give her solutions!

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What you're saying is equivalent to "Damn that's crazy".

cedar mountain
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living on unstable groud is very stress inducing

cedar mountain
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there are only tradeoffs

short edge
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I work hard I feel like I shouldn’t have to be in a position of feeling like this

cedar mountain
modest pagoda
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@short edge I'll give you some solutions.

short edge
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Sometimes it’s better to let the door shut awhile before opening a new one

cedar mountain
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how old are u?

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13?

modest pagoda
cedar mountain
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sometimes the person doesnt want you to force his opinion unto him

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people organize their brain and experience by dialog

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and will like their solutions

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more then from other people

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if she feels like she wants to go slow

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before going into something new

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respect her autonomity

short edge
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I’m going to try to just be grateful someone is listening I guess

modest pagoda
modest pagoda
cedar mountain
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fix her if u wanna, shes yours;)

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do whatever u want

modest pagoda
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Now you're acting like an infant...

short edge
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I don’t need to be fixed

modest pagoda
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Problem solved!

cedar mountain
short edge
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Only I can actually fix my situation

modest pagoda
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I respect that.

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But we're not trying to fix your issues for you.

short edge
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Sometimes it’s easier not to blow things up if you can just be heard about it in calm place

modest pagoda
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I get it.