I can't find enough mental strength to do something

[nocturne vortex]

Hi there. Well, as the title says, I know all I should do but I can't do it. I mean I can but I don't want to or I don't feel like.
I know I should do stuffs by my own self-care. But I can't find the motivation.
Also, when I start doing something good for myself, my own family tries to make me feel bad saying negative stuffs instead of supporting me.

I used to go to the gym, and the only one person who told me "You're doing good, keep like that" was my trainer, I know he did it because it is his work and I'm just a client to him but I had to go the gyms restroom to cry as I was happy. And from that day, I didn't go anymore at the gym, because I felt like I didn't deserved it.

Also I don't have friends, my family is just toxic, everyone that is close to me just keep making me feel less than them or everyone

[versed mirage]

Hey, you deserve the praise, you did a great job. A common thing when someone seriously tries to improve themselves for the better is to be torn down by all of the nasty people around them. The nasty people have a nasty image of that self-improving person in their heads, so the moment they get a scent that that person is bettering themselves, they go on attack mode and try to re-establish the status quo by tearing them down. It's harder to avoid them if you have to live underneath the same roof, but try to avoid their shit as much as possible and stand up for yourself if they don't back down. You're too hard on yourself bro, you're doing amazing for even trying to walk this path of betterment already, most people don't ever even try. I know you're trying to find motivation for improvement, but give yourself space too. If there are some days when you are just too exhausted/out of it to do anything, then just let it be and have peace with that, take that day off for your own sake. Giving yourself room and space is also a type of self-care. I support you brother, keep on trying, things will be better and shame on your family for being a dickhead to you.

[nocturne vortex]

Well I'm already like a year or two years off lol.
Also I'm 25,its way too hard to find friends at this age. More if you're an introverted.
I.. Don't even know what I want, for now I'm just waiting for my grandma's death, so I don't have to take care of her and I will not have any restrictions in terms of schedule for being at home

[versed mirage]

I'm an introverted 25 year old dude as well. I feel that you don't need that many friends, you just need a few (3 or less) that you can be super close with and gets you extremely well. Quality over quantity, sort of thing. But it is a bit harder for us to just find new connections, I understand. Finding what you want or feeling lost in terms of direction is nigh universal for so many people right now. Almost everyone I know, even the ones who got degrees from high-end universities, all feel this deep uncertainty about things and what they want. You're not alone here, it's our whole generation and state of the world. Saying this might not help tactically, but it is true.