aurie#6487 has been warned
#Took me enough time.
old echoBOT
aurie#6487 has been warned
proper vapor
Well then, I needed to rephrase that anyway-
simply put, it’s been 3-6 years of constant mental torment with a non-accepting catholic family who uses religion as advice and also has had a history of not accepting me for how I felt like. Basically I just wanted to feel accepted despite me seeing certain things like ||@bvse|| in all forms, ignorance and overall just general issues that make me not want to live or breathe with them knowing if I even showed my true self, all that assurance of love and support will fade and I’ll just be ridiculed and probably disowned knowing my grandmother.
And to follow up, myself
I’ve been stuck in my mind for the past year knowing and acknowledging and actually trying to correct my actions of ||ch34ting and abvse|| by trying to help everyone around me no matter if it was in my expense. All it really is is that I haven’t been happy with myself for a while knowing all these things and have lost motivation to do literally anything at this point; Also why I never really wanted to open up in the first place, the first part was because it felt wrong knowing the older person would immediately disregard what I say and just say how they had to struggle for this and that so you’re privileged and the other is just not feeling right to open up to my friends when I want them to be happy before me especially after all that I’ve done.
Sorries are worthless, since if you know ||@bvs3rs||, it’s just constant sorries but just the same thing all over.
robust marsh
What do you plan to do
proper vapor
I haven’t had plans for a while, I kept that persona of ambition to be this and that for a long time because obviously. But for a while it’s just been the thought of ||5u1c1d3|| floating around, especially knowing that whatever making up is done won’t compare to the damage.
robust marsh
Everyone says suicide is not the answer
Of course I’m not trying to encourage you to do that
I have tendencies of that as well
But nobody knows what really happens if you kill yourself
Have you talked to someone about it?
proper vapor
I haven’t because I’ve kept to myself knowing I’M the abuser, I’ve actually done the opposite and made sure whatever victims there were got help because of what I know and done.
It’s basically just been some deluded crusade by me to make sure that everyone gets help, knowing sorries aren’t enough to make up for what’s already done.
robust marsh
Do you feel like if you apologise to the people you hurt they would accept it?
Or would it just make the situation worse
proper vapor
Thing is, it’s just a losing game since the essentials to emotional @bvse is knowing what presses them, and it’s always been fake apologies and sorries through all that.