since I was young I've always been a very emotional person, that was a positive trait at first because I barely got angry throughout my life. That was until my mother left, she lied about having errands to run in a different country and just left while my father was on a buisness trip in Nigeria due to work. I called him and he was shocked, for the following year I hoped and wanted to believe she didn't lie. But of course, she did. I was devastated, but I didn't want my dad to worry about me. I was forced to grow up faster emotionally to help around the house, my grandma (My mom's mother) was also abandoned by her but still keeps contact. She was basically the one that took the role of a mother-type figure, at the time I didn't realize I was stuffing away my emotions (this is crucial detail for later). After a year or so my mother visited us, I was forced to see her because she would throw a tantrum if she didn't get her way. During the 2 weeks she stayed I was at my angriest ever, I have never felt such resentment towards another human being. But I did at that moment. She also tried forcing me to follow religion, I'm not specifically not mentioning which religion. But my father snapped me out of her lies, I'm very thankful for him and what he did for me. After she left I kept developing more wrath, got depressed, got diagnosed with anxiety, got diagnosed with anger issues and autism and went to a few therapists (trauma therapy etc). She tried contacting me multiple times because she couldn't live with consequences to her actions, I spiraled into a deeper depression and got more anxious. I wanted to cut myself but my dad stopped me, I wanted to commit suicide multiple times but thought about my family and friends. I developed trust issues and hardly consider anyone friends that consider me a friend, but I have to lie, I don't want anyone to worry. Now I'm here, I just had a massive argument with my 2 best friends, and I'm regretting choosing life over death again.
#Life
odd bison
Everything in here happened in a timespand of 6 years, it began when I was 7 and now I'm 13. My parents argued since I was 4 though.
flint vapor
I'm sorry to hear all this shit you've been through.
It seems as if you've developed trust issues... But do understand that worry is an emotion that shows that there are people that do care about you. Otherwise, they wouldn't bother. I hope you are still getting professional help.
And thank you for trusting us for you to tell us your story.
odd bison
Thank you, and I am still getting professional help 🙂