I need ppl to give me feedback on this very short story about an alien named Mona who goes antiquing across the universe. It deals with themes of consumerism and apocalypse. Ty!
#The Great Collapse
ebon lion
opaque bobcat
based on that description i love it
sounds like a longform episode of rick and morty
ebon lion
yes it's sort of silly too
heady tartan
Never given critiques before, so definitely let me know if I'm doing something wrong, okay? My brain also focus on different things that it probably shouldn't, so sorry if it gets annoying.
Overall, I love this story. It's cute and fast-paced with a "damn, I feel called out" ending. I honestly love your narrator's voice throughout, from the transition of "the rumble led to rubble" to "other people's cat's hair"! It's super fun and unique. Perfect for this type of story. There are definitely some typing and grammatical errors, which I can tell you in PMs, if you want. I just don't wanna overstep here. I'd love to know more about what Mona looks like, as will as the actual shape of the car. Maybe even where she goes on a date? You have beautiful descriptions that just left me wanting more. Of course, it's just a suggestion, and honestly, this is a great short story as is. Hopefully my comments help!
ebon lion
This is super helpful feedback! Yes I struggle with grammar so bad lol but I sort of just ignore it so it doesn't get in the way of my flow state whem I'm writing. Yeah I agree I should say what mona looks like. Idk why I didn't think of that or the shape of the car. If this is your first time giving feedback you did perfect.