The Corruption

[kind basin]

These are two separate short pieces of writing I've done regarding the topic of some creatures from my story called the Corrupted, this first entry is from the perspective of Ariana Twenly, a lab born anthropomorphic female fox who was stuck in the middle of the war between those who were trying to survive and the empty shells of those who were once beings of freewill, and Ariana's significant other being a victim of this disease.

"You know, whenever I've seen those stupid zombie movies with Violet, I never understood the whole thing of someone being struck by an unsure feeling of what to do when seeing their own loved one being one of the many monsters they'd have to strike down. But when I saw her, I...I froze, I knew what I had to do...but I just...couldn't bring myself to do it. I could swear that she recognized me through those empty white eyes, though soon I found myself begging for mercy.

Chains with bladed ends rose up from the ground as they stabbed through my feet and kept me from running away, I finally snapped back to reality once I felt the cold black steel run viscously through my flesh as blood ran down from my feet and soaked my fur in a thick and dark crimson color. I tried to swing my sword towards the infected love of my life, only to feel more blades run through my body, I looked down to see blood coming from my stomach. The pain from my new wounds caused me to drop my sword to the ground as I collapsed onto my knees.

By the time I looked up she was standing directly in front of me with a sadistic pure white grin across their face, they wrapped their hand around my muzzle to keep my quiet. I could feel the black colored disease traveling across my body. It felt so welcoming, and made me feel more powerful as my wounds quickly healed, though I knew that this only meant I was closer to losing myself. I desperately tried to call out for help, but no one came..."- Ariana Twenly

This is the second entry I currently have regarding the Corrupted within my story, though this is from the perspective of Violet Nova Curtary, a friend of Ariana, and the little sister of Sage who happens to be Ariana's significant other.

Violet's Mission Report: "Me and my team of 48 soldiers in total entered the castle through the east bridge, smoke surrounded us and bridge elevated us approximately 400 feet above the rest of the ground, as we could see stone spires that were littered with corpses as the victims' blood turned the entire surface at the bottom of the pit into a desaturated red that tainted the ground. After making our way into the castle we were having trouble navigating through the corridors as it seemed like it was never ending with it's twists and turns. Once me and my team were spotted we held up a choke point in one of the corridors to the north of the castle, to only realize how outnumbered we were here.

Thousands of Corrupted sprinted through the halls at great speed, we lost our first comrade because of a Corrupted that grabbed him through a stone brick wall and proceeded to rip his head off. After realizing that we'd be surrounded soon I ordered for the team to try reaching the roof of the castle as it'd be much more open and give us a chance to see our enemies coming at us. Little did I know, this was a mistake. We ran our way up the many staircases as we were losing teammates one by one, we wanted to help them but by the time we heard them get snatched we could already hear their cries of agony, there was no saving them. Once we made it to the roof we thought the hard part was out of the way, but more issues arose. Our team sniper spotted that most of the bridges connected to the castle were destroyed by our enemy, along with this a storm was rolling in that no vehicle could make it through in one piece, lightning struck the area around the castle while powerful winds would lift up and destroy anything that got caught in them.

Though our problems weren't done yet, as in one of the rooms connecting to the roof was keeping a beast locked up, though they wouldn't be locked up anymore as me and my team heard chains snapping near us, though that wasn't as terrifying as when we heard a loud roar behind us to see a Corrupted Dragon. It ripped a bunch of my team into shreds, which the remaining survivors that were still with me were overrun. I was backed up to the edge of the roof as I was tackled off, I survived the fall and tried to make my way out. I was trapped there for months as eventually I found corridors that connected to the castle and the bottom of the pit. I barely got out of there with my life, and my team all died there as there was no sign of anyone else surviving. You can give me the entire military and I still wouldn't go back, I'm not willing to watch defenseless people get slaughtered by the dozen because of a suicide mission they were instructed to do."

[storm wadi]

1. I love the story your painting so far! But just to be sure, the first story is from the perspective of a person getting corrupted, and the second story is a person who experienced fighting the corrupted recounting their events ?

2. I’m not a critic, and am also still a new writer, but I think your sentences are a bit too long 😅 maybe consider using varying sentence lengths and using descriptions a bit more sparingly to pack more punch into the scene your trying to paint! Again, I’m not a critic, this is just my own personal opinion : )

3. Just a suggestion! For the second story, the mission report, maybe you could write in a sort of journal format? Like a date, time, and then the writer has more frantic and rushed recollections of the events that happened. Just a suggestion!

Overall from what I’ve read this is quite the interesting story : D

[kind basin]

Which, I also felt like sharing some more details of my characters, so here's some bios for them.

Sage Sariely Alamari (Curtary): Sage is a demonic goddess known as a Universe Overlord, she is 262 years old and has a twin sister named Abigail who is the same age as well. Though Sage does have more siblings, Abigail is the one she interacted with the most. Sage has been known for many things in the past, but in present day she is known as the most wanted vigilante in the universe as she hunts down her cousin Ava in her pursuit for revenge. Though Sage intends to kill anyone who intends to harm innocent people in the meantime, as she doesn't want another innocent life to be thrown away for someone else's sadistic and selfish actions. Sage is 5 feet and 11 inches tall and she is seen usually wearing a black full body leather suit, long black leather and cloth boots, a grey harness with a skull being the center of it, and two metal shoulder pads with large spikes on them.

Though one thing that no one could mistake her for is her bright almost fire-like red spiky hair, and her bright red eyes that slightly glow in the dark. As her eyes naturally are a magenta color, but like most demonic entities, her eyes change to red when left deeply angry or generally upset. The reasoning behind her eyes seemingly always being red is due to what was done to her. 45 years ago when she was the lead singer in her own metal band and performing for millions alongside her twin sister, Ava captured Sage and messed with her mind as well as studied her for over 40 years while Sage was in stasis. After Sage mysteriously woke up with no recollection of who she was, she was taken into the Alamari family when she was found by them. Though when trying to recover, she met an all new group of people who took her in, but after trying to seek her own interests alongside her new boyfriend 2 years later, she was tracked down once again by Ava.

Ava then forced Sage to watch all of her new friends and loved one be executed in front of her, which this same general fear for her life, as well as feeling of desperation for wishing to be spared, her mind started to recollect memories she forgot before. Now with Sage knowing who she was, Ava decided to see just how far she could push Sage's limits. So for the remaining 2 and a half years she tortured Sage physically and mentally before letting her go once again, though this was simply to test how broken Sage was left at and to see where it'd get her.

Now Sage intends to find Ava and get her revenge, as plans to kill anyone who gets in her way, as she slaughters entire bases of Ava's military organization known as C.K.P.F.B. until she finally finds Ava to then kill them herself.

[kind basin]

Wanted to quickly write a rough draft of part of a scene I came up with

Violet was quickly separated from her squad of 9 individuals as she quickly made her way outside to have a terrifying scene play out in front of her while she could do nothing to stop it. She saw her team quickly wiped out by the Corrupted as they were torn to shreds, Violet soon realized that the only way she could make it out alive was to not be noticed. She very slowly started to walk away from the gruesome scene, but one thing she didn't account for was how quickly her team would be turned. As she looked back when she heard a screech, all the Corrupted in the area looked towards her including those who were once her allies.

She knew she only had 9 bullets left in her pistol, and her rifle was long gone for all she knew, she quickly dashed and jumped on top of a metal sheet that was once used for shade for the citizens of this now overrun city. Almost instantly she heard something collide with the metal as well, as she looked back and saw she was quickly being followed, and all she could do is keep running. She then heard multiple pieces of concrete, wood and metal being broken nearby. When looking around her as she made a run for it across the rooftops she saw more Corrupted joining in the chase, as one even sprung off of a wall and leaped over 20 meters to attempt to tackle her.

Soon Violet was able to see the chopper that was arriving to rescue her, the helicopter never stopped moving to make it harder for the Corrupted to follow, though before Violet could grab onto the ladder that was dropped for her, something swiftly flew by and knocked the helicopter out of the sky and made it crash land onto the street. Violet was left in shock as she was then thrown into the middle of the street as well. The Corrupted then started to now slowly approach Violet who was now surrounded by hundreds of them.

Suddenly she noticed that the sky became much darker as strikes of red lightning struck the ground. Sage quickly arrived as she launched a barrage of fire and lightning to try saving Violet as an armored vehicle arrived on the scene. Violet was quickly told to enter the vehicle by Sage, though when she attempted to do so, she was grabbed by a very powerful Corrupted and then slammed into a brick wall. Though before anything else could harm Violet, Sage shocked the powerful Corrupted repeatedly before then stabbing her sword through it's torso and then raising her sword until it cut through it's entire upper body.

Sage swiftly grabbed Violet and helped them get up, but as soon as Violet stepped into the vehicle, Sage was grabbed for just barely long enough by a Corrupted to then allow another of the horde to infect her. With realizing she was already done for, Sage charged directly into the rest of the horde to kill as many as possible with the little time she had left.

Violet was forced to sit in the back of the armored truck as she saw the fate her older sister met, but not even 20 seconds later the truck was hit by a powerful force in the side of it, as it seemed like the now Corrupted Sage was the cause of it. The doors were now broken open and Violet was knocked out, though when she woke up, she was seemingly spared, as everyone else that was there was left to be no longer heard of or seen again.