I mean, I understand that I've got some typos and stuff, but I was hoping that my writing could be critiqued from a different pov, since it's not proofread, tbh.
#Need some critique on my writing
ivory stirrup
outer current
Your style reminds me of William Faulkner. When I read Faulkner his writing is a non-stop torrent of mental images and emotions, which fill a blank space with stuff that pours out like a river overflowing its boundaries and flooding the page with sentences that simply refuse to provide comfort. Faulkner is a challenge to read, but his works are concrete in nature. He paints vivid pictures of both setting and characters.
I had to read that one sentence three times, so I could begin to get mental images behind the individual clauses. To dig into the thoughts and ideas you wanted to present. So, as much as I enjoy the challenge of reading your writing, the delivery doesn't offer the same kind of an intuitive arc of coherence. Faulkner also bounces from topic to topic, but there is a sense of growth that you can feel as the narrative rushes forward full-tilt like a runaway horse. I'm struggling to see the same connective tissue in your writing. It is there, but it is harder to see.
ivory stirrup
Thank you so much. Gosh, it's been years of just trying to find the thing that's wrong with my writing and just so much duration of confusion and absolutely no motivation to continue to write, that I was almost going to quit since I never get feedback. Seriously, I owe you a ton for just reading and closely listening to what I had to say, and for finally telling me what's been hindering it all. I feel this weight lifted off of my chest, now that I know what I have to work on, flow and connection between sentences to reach an overall higher purpose of representing a message or theme, which you've termed as coherence. Could you possibly also give me a few pointers on how I could work on what you state, as a "connective tissue"? How can I achieve it? The arc especially? I just get so caught up with everything, that I'm unable to really polish any piece of writing I produce. @outer current
outer current
Okay, first, read Faulkner. That will show you what I wanted to say more clearly than anything I can say. For example,The Hamlet. For the rest, I'll go get an example from Steven Pinker.
Original example
In the ten nations with the largest online populations, non-domestic news sites represent less than 8% of the 50 most visited news sites, while in France, 98% of all visits to news sources are directed to domestic sites.
Revised example
In the ten nations with the largest online populations, non-domestic news sites represent less than 8% of the 50 most visited news sites; in France, the figure is just 2%.
The information in the two sentences is exactly the same. The difference is the second sentence guides the reader via grammar from one fact to the next in a way that's easier to read. There is a statement about ten nations with the largest online populations. This first statement is followed by a contrasting statement about France.
ivory stirrup
Thank you so much. I'll surely read some Faulkner. Thanks for your time and for your feedback, I found it extremely helpful and a lot to take away from it.
ivory stirrup
Hi, I just wanted to thank you for that writing critique, yesterday. I was feeling pretty aimless with my writing and it honestly took away so much of my original love for the craft. I did read through your brainstormings that you'd posted in the writer's chatroom and how you involved a bit of psychology and textbook philosophy that's inadvertently regular in its daily usage, and I was wondering, as someone who's just getting their feet into psychology and philosophy with the same intent in mind, that is writing, how do you gather your knowledge (how do you decide which works to read and navigate through and what sticks long-term and what doesn't) and where do you gather your knowledge from, because you did mention Mazlow's hierarchy of needs and used the crux of it to carve out your questions on the implications of your magic system, which is something I've been trying to do but I'm not really able to, so if you could possibly detail some of your process of developing such a thinking mechanism, that would be incredibly helpful, that is if you'd like to of course. You were just spot on with the Faulkner blueprint and ever since I started reading Faulkner, I've been gradually arriving at the conclusion of what it is I need to work on, in terms of my writing. @outer current
And, I've never really met a writer with an organized yet outwardly innovative thinking process, since it's something I've always wanted to be and you're truly one of the first's I've come across, and your depth in such semantic knowledge and its utility is just fascinating, so even if it's not about writing and since I do get lonely sometimes with trying to figure out such semantic knowledge myself, could we possibly get into conversations about such pieces of work? I'm currently in high school and I've still got a lot to learn, and I'd truly appreciate it if we could possibly be writing friends and have regularized conversations if you're comfortable with it.