A dark figure sat in the corner of a back alley cantina, feeling jaded. He sighed. It had been two days since his last job, and it always made him feel the same. He needed action. Using a bit of leftover bread, he cleaned out his bowl and stood.
Passing a couple of tables, he reached the counter, where the bartender was polishing some dishes. He was going to pay and leave; then go search for work.
“What do you need Waldemar, some more refreshments?” The bartender said.
Before he had a chance to say anything, the door burst open. Surprised, Waldemar glanced over, and a smile crossed his face. Breathing heavily, an old man was kneeled on the floor, a familiar looking badge on his chest.
“Old soul, anything I can help you with?” Jingling a bag of coins in his hand, Waldemar sneered. “How about I pay for your meal.” Saying this, he walked towards the man sitting on the floor. He offered his hand. Reaching out to accept it, the man muttered a few words.
“Thank you, son.” He said.
“It’s no big deal,” Waldemar said, and lead both of them to a barstool.
“What’s your name son?”
“Waldemar.”
“Thank you, my name is Rich.” Shaking hands, they started talking.
#Smuggler's benining
sturdy salmon
@shadow moat
If you’re struggling with dialogue, just think of how you speak cockily in real life.
Plus, I feel like Waldemar doesn’t really need to sound cocky in this scene. He doesn’t want to offend the man outright, and instead could lead him on and afterwards steal all his money.
Or watch some dialogue videos
shadow moat
I'll watch some dialogue videos later, it is cutently 2 am for me and my brain need sleep and thank you so much for the help with the scene and taking the time out of your day
sturdy salmon
Yea, I’m glad to help. I’ve got nothing better to do rn anyways
shadow moat
I'm struggling with show and not tell in this scene a lot. I have used the word and too much as well. I'm hoping for some constructive critism as well since this is a scene that I have worked hard on and the character have simular voices wich they shouldn't have since Waldemar is cocky and a little playful and takes to many risk as a smuggler. Plese ping me so I can see the feedback
Waldemar, the bugbear, sat in the tavern waiting for his next job. He was bored and wanted to have fun. Maybe play hide and seek from the Excise Officer? Even though they always lost at that and couldn’t capture him.
The bell over the door rang, but the bugbear’s ears perked at the sound his curiosity made him look up from his meal. Heavy footsteps creaked over the wooden floors of the Banished Sailor, the biggest tavern in Gold Harbour.
An exhausted man slumped down beside him almost falling backwards as Waldemar held out his arm to stop him from falling.
"Careful friend, you seemed to have overworked yourself, maybe take well-deserved rest?"
His voice was cheerful, though he obviously worried for the stranger.
The man looked over at him with tired eyes and a defeated tone of voice
"I cannot do that, there is too much smuggling activity here in the town, and too many of them manage to escape. One thing is for sure, they know the area better than me. I arrived in Gold Harbour two weeks ago."
This got the bugbear listening more intent at what this man said.
"What is your job, then? You seem completely exhausted; Let me treat you to food and drink."
The man yawned and rubbed his eyes with a tired expression.
"I work as an Excise Officer; my name is Rich. What is your name stranger? And thanks, if it is not too much bother for you, I can pay you back."
Waldemar asked the bartender for some food and drink. He now knew this man as his enemy, but Rich didn’t seem so bad at all.
"I’m Waldemar, nice to meet you Rich, by the way what do you think of smugglers?"