First draft of chapters for potential fanfiction. Constructive criticism greatly appreciated | 11 bit studios | Page 1

drowsy scaffold Jul 11, 2024, 7:51 PM

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Feel free to point out whatever flaws you see. It's the first draft so I don't expect it to be very good. Hopefully the link works

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nEp7hCIev1Lkda0VDbiWKwSpbHrNsFparYQIUuy36ZY/edit?usp=sharing

Google Docs

Prologue

He waits. Silently. He does not move. He barely breathes. He ignores the cold nipping at his skin. How he wished he could be bundled up with the usual heavy coats that one would normally wear while out on the Frostlands. He has a job to complete, though. The cold of his body can wait. The man la...

urban dagger Jul 11, 2024, 8:29 PM

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Enjoyed reading it. Only having cars feels weird when reading. Maybe a other vehicle. Maybe it's just me tho. Other then that well done 👍

drowsy scaffold Jul 11, 2024, 8:46 PM

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In my mind I see them as more like boxcars for an actual train, but I wasn't sure exactly how to portray that without it sounding repetitive

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Honestly, maybe I should just put 'boxcars' instead of just 'cars'

drowsy scaffold Jul 11, 2024, 9:19 PM

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urban dagger Enjoyed reading it. Only having cars feels weird when reading. Maybe a other veh...

I'm thinking of making the story an applyfic, or at the very least let people submit character ideas. I have trouble with motivation, so people giving me small ideas that might be interesting would be a pretty good way to keep me motivated

minor parcel Jul 12, 2024, 12:24 AM

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drowsy scaffold Honestly, maybe I should just put 'boxcars' instead of just 'cars'

either make up a word or explain in the context comments at the start

drowsy scaffold Jul 12, 2024, 12:33 AM

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I made a couple changes. Hopefully that fixes things

#First draft of chapters for potential fanfiction. Constructive criticism greatly appreciated