#06.30.2020 - 07.01.2020

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

dull salmon
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What's the tastiest type of gun?

||A-salt-rifles||

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A man got hit in the head with a can of Coka-Cola.

||He was alright though, it was a soft drink||

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A moon rock tastes better than Earth rocks, ||because they're meteor!||

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The furniture store keeps calling me back, but ||all I wanted was one night stand.||

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What do you call a phone with a bullet hole through it?

||A screenshot!||

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Light travels faster than sound. ||That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.||

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What do you call an Emo group on a bus?

||Edge Transit!||

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Ancient humans, venturing across the ice bridge to North America, got lost quite often. ||They found it very hard to keep their Bering Strait.||

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Why do pirates love to see oranges in the ocean?
||Because they love the vitamin sea !||

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How does a programmer like to dress to work?

||In software!||

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I used to go fishing with Skrillex. ||But he kept dropping the bass!||

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What's brown and sticky all over?

||A stick...||

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What happens if you don't pay your exorcist? ....... ||You get repossessed||

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have you heard of the new corduroy pillows?

||They're making headlines!||

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Why did the Italian leave his home country?

||He got fettup-cine and felt he had to spaghett away, so he took a one-way espresso ticket outta there!||

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A pun enters a room, and kills ten people.

||Pun in, ten dead.||

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What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?
||Can you make me one with everything?||

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The sun went down last night and I stayed up all night looking for it. ||Then it dawned on me.||

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Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? ||He’s all right now!||

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I don’t find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency.

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What’s the best time on a clock? ||6:30, hands down.||

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I buy all my guns from a guy in the tower called T-Rex...

||He's a small arms dealer||

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Whats the downside of eating a clock?

||its time consuming||

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I went to the mountain to meet with the Pun Master. He told me to tell him my ten best puns, and if any of them made him laugh, he'd teach me everything he knew.

||Unfortunately, no pun in ten did...||

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i have a few puns about the unemployed, ||but none of them work||

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A few months back i got arrested for too many bad puns ||they had to take me to the pun-interary||

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What did the Iceberg say to the Titanic?

||Ice to meet you!||

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Why does my wife call me an ‘impasta’? ||Because of my fake noodle||

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Do you know what the Drifter's favorite cereal is?
||Honey Bunches of Motes||

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A man addicted to drinking brake fluid, ||says he can stop anytime he wants!||