##My first ever hadn writing song, idk if any good but ye (work in progress) Feedback needed

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

elder steppe
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Verse 1:

I’ve walked these streets, but no one sees me,
I’m a shadow drifting through space,
I start to follow others, but my heart falls back to old ways.
I push through my thoughts, and never pause to pray.
while moving through the world, unnoticed, unseen,
invisibly unnoticed, lost in places I’ve never been?
where, how, when, I’m supposed to go (to go?)

Verse 2 (Section 1):

A million thoughts a second,
Strings forcing me piled up
problems I can’t exclaim, the rabbit’s hole getting bigger
I'm in World War three, fighting every thought, Shooting myself from the inside out.

Verse 2 (Section 2):

What’s the point? I can’t explain or exclaim,
small as an ant, no exit in site, yet drifting through space,

Further, and further...

Verse 2 (Section 3):

Why’s there no way out?
I know there’s a conclusion but how?
I’ve always had a thought that someone’s protecting me, but I keep pushing back with all my might, forcing the clouds to hide me, ohhh, ohhh ohhh,

lucid falcon
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Looks good, the theme is something very revelant and important, I passed through that...

Just something that can help you make it better, you should make the words rhyme, for example:

"I've walked these streets, but no one sees me,
I'm a shadow figure without a will to be"

lucid falcon
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Are you thinking in a title and in a chorus for the song?