#my mind

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

hushed thicket
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i dont know what it means to be alive. ive never experienced real life, living in my own body. my whole world has been a lie, a careful structure of a colorful infinite world that lies solely in my creation. no pain, no suffering. it has always been this fantasy and that is all ive ever known. i think i started to develop this world after i couldnt bear with what was happening. i always felt uncomfortable with my world. everything was always spiraling into difficulties and lack of structure. my idealization of myself constantly reorganized itself into different people and could never remain into one person, the whole. i was never there. someone else lived this life, in my mind, this person was not me. this person was unloved and thrown out. forgotten this person i have, and now i have no choice but to continue forgetting. all i can do is continue to walk in the same shoes as before and continue deriving my strength from my fear. my path to reality will remain a mystery, as i currently cannot continue walking without someone there. im unsure why i even need someone to help me, or guide me. im constantly afraid and confused, secretly longing for someone to help lead me to this path. the most pathetic thing is that i know no one is coming to save me from the confinement ive put myself in. all i can do is continue to calm myself to sleep and play pretend in the shoes of someone i know i am not. maybe the reason why i live in this fantasy is because i thrive on optimism. i believe this is my weakness. optimism is what has continuously gotten me into trouble. i have nothing else to believe in so i decide to hang on to the remaining strings of hope that is presented at any situation like a desperate hungry dog.

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also wow i did not realize i can post all my rants/poetry in here didnt think there would be a server for this coz i have so many of these 😩

limpid dew
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woah a lot of the parts sound like something I'd think/write

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hope you're doing ok though? @hushed thicket

hushed thicket
limpid dew
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haha I'm glad ur ok and I get that

hearty quartz
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wow, relatable honestly

river kraken
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Confused ig

river kraken
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@hushed thicket Why does it start of as surrealistic and then becomes increasingly mundane as the poem progresses?
Is there some reason behind that?