#Who's mad enough to give me feedback on a script that has 18,000 words (Video's is 1hr and 30min)

59 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

wanton oasis
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Ah did you use ai?

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I would highly recommend not using em dashes then

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Like I would recommend not doing this in your writing:

"Sometimes things are hard-- And thats ok!"

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Its a common sign of ai writing, and tis overdone

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hmm

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Yeah uh, overused. If this was dropped on my desk I would return it

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Im not seeing the big "why" to this video

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oh sure that would be a lot of help!

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let me get into your mind, because this as it is rn isnt giving me a picture

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Ill level

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So this reads like my college textbooks

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Great if thats the goal! You wont get many subs (the chances are low, people tend to use youtube as a form of entertainment first and a form fo education secondarily, so they would pop in to watch an edu video when needed and would NOT sub unless it direclty benefited them AND entertained them)

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Id argue this script is wayyyyyyy to textbook. Way too "heres a lot of info I can share!" and not personal, no persona, no connection, no reason to like and sub and follow for more

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I think if you wanted to be both informative and entertaining youd need some persona dropped in here and maybe a goal focus

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Youre a dev, maybe position your videos as pieces to an independant watcher becoming a dev themselves

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Split the video into smaller sections as well. This is easily over 2 hrs long D:

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No

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Its positioned as a LONGGGGGGG text wall and not a journey

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you dont adkoledge the veiwer enough at all

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it seems you use you as a general plural but you dont pull the viewer in as an actual member of the conversation

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darling if i may?

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the more i read the more terrible this is

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its dry, drying out my mouth the more i read it. Flat, with barely any tone or inspiration

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it reads like a robot

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And I DONT mean the subject matter

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Ha

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Ok heres my advice

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before you take this script seriously, go back to your core cocnepts and rewrite your script into DIFFERENT videos, as in split it up based on core sections

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this is a LONG video, and I can see you losing retention fast

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hahaha nah, you just need to work on your persona

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this doesnt read like a person at all, someone to connect with or experience the journey with, it reads lik a dry text book

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Like ok, one moment

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Hears a boring topic

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Notice that the youtuber connects and addresses the viewer "i know this looks scary but..." "ok lets start with..." "this question feels silly" as if theyre guesisng the viewers thoughts and replying in real time in a convo

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They relate everything to things that are interestign, exciting, etc, and even makes cute references

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"they dont have the memory of a gold fish" shows his persona

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which is dry wit

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(fun fact, I LOVE this channel lol)

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id rather you make a new feedback thread (close this oen when youre able to upload the new one) just because someone else could pop in and help then too!

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You can ping me then

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and its ok, dont worry about it. I wouldnt say your writing suits a youtube video, and thats the goal. That will come with time

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the thing with youtube is you really do need to write from the heart and go heavy into it

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you lose sooooo much more expression than you think

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I have autism

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No persona? Please, such a myth

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Also

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MOST of us do

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Its a common youtuber trait

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Autism, ADHD, BPD, Bi-polar, and depression. The YouTuber mental conditions 😭

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yep

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SO insanely common

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I did a stats report

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Wait ill link

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There we go, I think thats all the lists

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Hey, im on these lists too. Most of us are