Hm, I'm gonna be a little blunt here but I just don't think it's a good video. Sure, you did well by having good trigger discipline (nice play btw!) but I feel like this short needs more to emphasize what you are doing.
I haven't played CS since CS:GO but isn't there a way to view replays from matches? Because then you could maybe add some b-roll of the terrorists running past you from another angle (like it would be drone footage for example).
I didn't really get what your goal was initially and only realized the caption at the beginning when the short started again, so I guess many people would click off because of that because there is just not much happening at the beginning. Maybe you could add some sfx when the guys are running past? Just spitballing some ideas I had 😄
Also your reaction is just very unenthusiastic. You don't have to turn into an obnoxious yeller but at least some sort of emotion is necessary. Even when the enemy team is running past you, you are just completely quiet. And I get it, it's not easy to be entertaining while also focussing on the game but maybe you could practise saying something like "Guys, omg, they are all running past me" or something like this.