#what can i improve?

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

unkempt gust
twilit plover
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I like the coming up a lot.
I only watched the first 15 seconds and it was too slow. I would try just reactions like yelling at the game/being afraid/louder for like 10 seconds + faster pacing. Add more sfx like drum impacts etc. then cut it off with you starting the video like you did.

unkempt gust
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@twilit plover thank you, just the fact that you took the time out of your day to help me i really appreciated it.

leaden jackal
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As promised, here's that critique I said I'd do! But first, my...
Disclaimer:
Keep in mind I am ALSO a tiny tuber who is ALSO asking for advice so... D:
I HAVE NO IDEA IF ANYTHING I SAY WITH CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPLETE, CORRECT ANSWER.
I just naturally speak really confidently about these things. I am a huge newbie so please keep that in mind even if I'm 100% sure of something!! Please also feel free to disagree or correct me! I'm here to learn too!

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Bright red coloring, scary figure doing a scary thing , the AHHHH face, yep it hits the stereotypical pointers we talked about before!
But maybe we can make it better? Maybe move you a bit closer to center (not actual center though, more like center left) and really focus that scream. I know it's werid getting screaming stills, but could you make your screaming expression more intense? Not fake, but like, more like a "OH MY GOD IM GOING TO DIE BECAUSE THIS THING THATS CHASING ME IS REALLLL!!!" and less "wait that's there?! wow that a spooky thing!" I usually take my best scream from the video and make that my scream in the thumbnail (or whatever emotion it is). Is this from that first clip in the video? Your face appears more shocked than scared (maybe startled?) All that said, it's honestly a good thumbnail that I would click on so this is a nitpick!

THUMBNAIL OPINIONS TLDR:

-- Maybe move your still to be center-left in frame
-- Maybe scream a bit more intensely in your stills

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There's no specification on questions or comments you're looking for (which is ok) so I'll just rib into it.

THE HOOK:
The hook did not hook me. Maybe it was the voice line saying "coming up" that merged with your voice, maybe it was the scene itself (probably both) but it was not an enticing hook.

A couple things to note here. Your hook was of you saying you wouldn't get scared (not a good start) and then dying in game with a little "oh wow" face (not a "AHHH IM DYING RIGHT NOW THIS IS REAL OH GOD IM DYINGGGG!!!" face). And then a couple other scenes (some where better as starters inmy opinion than others) while playing the Mii music (usually associated with silly things, not scary things). Viewers know this few seconds are supposed to encompas the prime moments in the video. What should they look forward to? So if they see a small scare in full for the first 10 seconds, they're not going to think there's much to fear (ie its not a scary game) and will likely click off before the actual scarey hook starts! I know the mii music is a bit of a gag to you thinking this was shuch a "not scary game" but i think that should be in the intro or later on.

Personally I pick a huge scare (or a few and mash them together) and then I blur everything out except myself and my "Coming Up" text (extra surpirse, extra tension, extra suspense) and then I keep it SUPER SHORT. A few seconds max. I might make it a tad longer or a tad short, but I've usually made hooks be 2-3 seconds long with just screaming (with audio adjusted to not be ear peiricng). That way they don't have to "rewatch" anything and it doesn't effect my intro time much. Plus the shortness adds a tiny bit of confusion-fear (its too short to process much information, so it keeps the tension high into the intro!) I'd recommend maybe doing that! Also, feel free to mash up you screamings into one short montage of horror!

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THE INTRO:
No no no the mii music continuesssss!!! Ahhhhh!!! I makes the flow of the video flow into each other, making your intor feel like a continuation of your hook, which feels off.

Personally, maybe a bit more hype and a tad more energy would help with the intro (but I am a very hyper bunny who kinda just vibrates with energy when told to sit still so... I am very bias on this). It feels like you are actually "introducing" us to this game, like it feels like:

"Hello everyone. This is a game. Game, this is everyone. Hello all. The game is this."

Even though thats not what youre trying to do. I know youre trying to thank and hype your friend (shout out! Whoo!) and try to rev up the audience into this crazy concept (rolblox can be scary? No way?!) but the straight face, right in the camera stare is giving me video-presentation-vibes.

To break this, maybe think of the viewers are friends, and you're gaming with your friends. Like, instead of being so formal and stiff, let loose and act like you're telling your best mate about this insane thing you just discovered! "You wont believe this dude but shoutout to my friend ____ for sharigng this with me. Rolblox actually has this insanely scary game..." something like that? Not literally, but in essence, of course your own words should be used. I think loosening up will really help! Intors are nothing, theyre like a quick pitch at a friend. Also I'd like to say that the intro should explain what the game purpose is, if its nesscary or needs explained. I have no idea what this game is other than its a rolblox game.

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Your intro is 44 seconds till gameplay starts. I'd say make it SUPER SUPER SHORT. Im terrible at this personally, but 5 seconds max of horror and shock paired with 10-15 seconds of a short fire intro is what I've been advised to aim for (a little off is ok)

I think the mini edits and meme edits are really cute and a great way to show your personality! They're hilarious and at times really keep the dark video light! But too many or too often and the video isnt as scary as it should be. It feels like we're mocking you less than watching you in a horror game.

THE NEXT 1 MINUTE:
I find the next minute is also important (and this is also where I struggle).

I liked that you just went into it! Just jumped into the game and had a great time! This is what I was looking for in the intro, a bit more laid back! And the screams that came after were so much better for a hook than the first few!

VIDEO BODY:
Great job! Maybe make the video a tad shorter (some people like longer form, some shorter, I'm a stereotypical mid length person).

OUTRO:
It was an outtro, good job~! But I wanted to point out that you're less stiff, not staring straight into the camera, you're more animated, and you're SMILING. Maybe record your intros last, after your outros for the energy boost you seem to get while recording? Or use your outros as a example for your intros?

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VIDEO OPINIONS TLDR:

-- The hook could be shorter (2-3s), more scary, less visable, and with a more intense scream.
-- The intro music should change or at least not carry over from the hook.
-- The intro could have a bit more energy, less stiff, less lense-staring, less lecture-vibes.
-- The intro could be more flowy, like talking with a friend (note your outros do this perfectly!)
-- The intro could be shorter (10-15 s)
-- View your viewers are friends. You really get into the game and relax then! How can you relax at the start a bit more?
-- You did a great job, and I like the creative edits, but maybe have them a bit less often?
-- Maybe shorten the video a tad (I am a very biased, 10-18 minute video kinda girl)
-- Overall, it's a great video! You did really good! These are nitpicks!