What would you recommend to elevate my current presentation style?

[mild frost]

What: Miniature Painting + Associated Lore/Video Games - think Warhammer 40k, etc.

Type of Feedback: Maintaining Engagement, Improving Thumbnails and Title critique

Specifics: What could be done to improve my current content delivery method in-video (more/wider variety of transitions, sfx, speech speed etc.) - do my thumbnails catch the eye, and are my titles vague enough to promote intrigue but still plant a seed of curiosity in a viewer?

I have plans to introduce footage captured via camera when I move onto tutorials and painting, but for now have to work with what I have, hence the focus on lore and "fancy slideshow" videos for now.

I am currently out of non-published content, but of course will implement feedback on my future uploads. The specifics I have listed are what I am primarily interested in, but I will always welcome feedback on other aspects if you deem them viable critiques! I have done some work regarding audio levels, for instance, but would still welcome input if it's something that stands out to you.

Here is my latest upload, but feedback regarding my earlier videos are also welcome: https://youtu.be/sKr4Fm2n2c4

@solid falcon for whenever you have the free time 😁

[solid falcon]

Hello. I'm going to start by looking at your video, then your channel. I generally will mark things down as I see them, this is not in order of importance.

Video: "YOU HAVE to know about this miniatures game"

• There is an audience demographic lapse between title and thumbnail. "You have to know this game" suggests that I do not know about the game, but then the thumbnail says "Top 5 reason to play Acronym." I don't know what Acronym means, and all I'm shown in terms of visuals is something that I would not immediately recognize as a miniature of a lion. The story is not immediately comprehensible. You have, on YouTube, between 200-500 milliseconds to express your entire video concept to someone. Around 200ms of that is just the thumbnail, and if you fail to invoke interest there, you don't get the 300ms spent understanding your title. So I need to see your thumbnail and get it immediately. This title and thumbnail combination do not work.
• Clickbait titles are fine as long as the clickbait leads to met expectations. You need to address your title and thumbnail in the first 15 seconds--in some way. That means if your title is going to be "You have to play this" then I need you to address that hook quickly. "Kingdom Death Monster is (the best miniatures game ever)." "KDM is (the most fun game no one is playing, but you should be and you can introduce it to your friends for only $5.)" Whatever it is. It takes you 18 seconds to tell me that it's set in a world with horrible monsters that I will have to fight. I have not had my expectations met, because you haven't told me why I have to play this game. In fact, you've barely alluded that this is a game at all--up until the "you'll have to fight" statement, this could've been a movie, a book, just about anything.
• The voiceover feels stilted. Your cadence is unnaturally staggered. I'll just add a (...) everytime you pause seemingly unnaturally in your first couple of sentences. "Kingdom Death (...) Monster (...) is set in an ancient (...) brooding world (...) of an esoteric nature (...) where light is sparse (...) and horrible creatures lurk around every corner, ready to pounce on their prey at any single moment. (...) Oh (...) and the twisted monsters you'll fight (...) are there too." Some of these could be natural breathing or break moments, but because of the exceptionally exaggerated first ~15 words of this first sentence, it becomes more noticeable. If you had said this more naturally, that would be fine, but as it stands it's more awkward and offputting than it needs to be.
• I would literally edit out this entire first two sentences and let the video start at "KDM is what managed to rip me away from the overwhelming darkness that surrounded me in the more recent years..." This is followed up with "...when my motivation and passion for the hobby was at it's lowest, and I'd all but given up on one of my favorite pastimes. Let's Explore why it's so damn good." This is a good hook, and it just happens to be exactly 15 seconds. It's sad that this was hidden behind the unnecessary fluff of the first 18 seconds.

• Here's my offhand remarks as I watch this video.
• • Oh it's a warhammer game. It took 30+ seconds to find out what the game you're talking about is.
• • Oh you do use background music and sound effects. Why have you not used this during the ultra high impact introduction, and only after 90 seconds do you start using these techniques?
• • This red lined background is very unpleasant. Perhaps that's a personal opinion.
• • You are using the same artwork multiple times. I'm now concerned you're going to be showing me the same artwork for the next 70% of the video.
• • Are you ever going to show the actual miniatures and gameplay, or just random artwork? The first actual miniature seems to be the broccoli shark.
• • What is Fear & Hunger. Why did you show me some pixel art game? Is that Fear & Hunger? What does that have to do with anything?
• • Is this the same artwork again?
• • "The story is amazing! But admittedly there's too much information, and a lot of the lore is unclear, confusing, or unfinalized. It's alien or too familiar. Here's an example of how very confusing it is." 100 seconds later, "the main story..." oh okay, finally, you're telling me why the story is great. "The story will be told by you." Oh. Okay, so the story isn't actually that great? Boy, talk about a confusing story.
• • The lion's hands feels like the first time the artwork is relevant to what you're saying on screen. I am remembering "the butcher" too, now, but overall the art doesn't feel connected to what's on screen.
• • "Reason 5." Oh, right, you're telling me the top 5 reasons to play a game. This feels more like a general lore video than a list video. That's fine, list videos are usually lazy, but it doesn't really feel like you're telling me why you like a thing, and instead giving me a lore video.
• • Wow yeah that's expensive. This would've been great up front.
• • So there's a digital version of the game and you chose not to show me it repeatedly? Instead you just slowly showed me the same artwork over and over again? Boy this video could have been completely re-organized to say "KDM is what managed to rip me away from the overwhelming darkness that surrounded me in the more recent years. It's so damn good. Getting into it is expensive though, hundreds of dollars, so I'm going to recommend you try out the simulator instead. I'll be showing you gameplay from that in the background." It would have been so much more engaging, and you wouldn't have been forced to show me artwork zoomed in way too close and slowly panning from side to side for 10 minutes.
• • Why are you telling me to go watch another YouTuber to decide if I want to play the game. Wasn't this very video supposed to convince me?
• • Just five seconds of silence at the end. That is certainly a choice.

Description

• The timestamps do a better job of keeping me on track with the form of the video than the video did.
• The description explains the game better than you did in the video.
• You pointed me to ATanawfulfeeling but then put in a space on the link, so now it feels disingenuous that you wanted me to go check them out at all.
• Is the artwork in this video CC? Why did you decided to make the video CC? This is an idle thought, it doesn't actually matter, just an unusual choice.

Channel

• "Popular videos" but you only have 3. You should remove this until you have more than a few videos, it just feels silly to look at. If you want to highlight videos by viewcount, then set that up, but seeing the same video 3 times in a row just highlights how little content you actually have.
• Putting a bunch of playlists on your channel page when they only have 1 video in them feels silly too, but at least playlists show up places on the platform so it makes some amount of sense. Still feels silly.
• Okay so that unpleasant red-line background is from your channel banner. I guess it makes sense then. Still unpleasant.
• You have not filled out your about at all. Your About is what YouTube shows when people share your link. You've decided that your chance to convince someone to click and investigate your channel should be "Sharing my hobbies with the world." Very engaging.
• Is this random piece of artwork you have as your profile picture and on your header relevant in some way? Is it some character you like? I assume it's fanart of some vampire from an anime. Is that supposed to be an avatar for yourself? You've not show that in the one video I've watched. I have no idea who this is or why you're showing them to me so many times.
• Oh, good, you use Community Posts. Most people don't. Keep that up, but don't use it just to promote a video. You don't have an audience yet that you need to keep engaged and tune in to your newest videos. Use this space to give insight into your videos, background, events, and personality instead. Talk about the next video you're working on. Give behind-the-scenes stuff. Use this to reach outside of your circle and give the platform a chance to bring new fans to you instead of just empty advertising attempts.

Socials

• You have your socials linked, let's look there.
• You are clearly not active on Twitter. Why are you using Twitter if you don't actually use Twitter? It's a very ineffective advertising platform if you don't personally use it, as a genuine user of the platform, to build a community. I promise you that no one is going to suddenly become a fan of yours because you post a youtube link in a tweet with 10 hashtags. Who exactly do you think you're talking to when you say "New vid is up"?
• I notice the same artwork, but now also a chibi version of it. I'm becoming convinced you have commissioned someone to make a chibi of some anime you like.
• Instagram shows me so many miniatures. Why didn't I get to see any miniatures in the video I watched?
• You're clearly willing to show your face. Why didn't you show your face in this video?
• Yet another example of you not really using the platform, but promoting it. There are 5 photos from 2023, and 1 photo from 2024. Why are you asking me to check this out if you don't use it?

Thanks. I can't provide additional help from here, there is no need to tag me unless you have specific questions about what I meant in my feedback. I cannot help you make your next video. Hopefully these notes can help you figure things out from there.

I'll be leaving the feedback thread now!