#False Gold - Neo-Noir Psychological Drama

12 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

cyan shadow
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what you're describing is the theme & character arc, not the story. generally loglines are about the concrete details of the script - who is doing what to overcome what and why

cyan shadow
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you're still phrasing things in the abstract. "tries to break free... risking everything to find meaning and real connection" - that could be anything. what is the specific goal this character is pursuing to achieve the abstract idea of breaking free?

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!logline

south oracleBOT
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How to Write a Logline

​Answer the following questions to help others workshop your logline:

  1. What is the title and genre of your screenplay?
  2. What is your current logline? Is it for tv, feature film, or short?
  3. Describe your protagonist(s) in 1-2 sentences.
  4. What is your protagonist's main goal?
  5. What obstacles will they encounter in Act 2 (internal and external)?
  6. What is at stake for your characters or their world?
  7. Is there a twist or secret you haven’t told us yet? Your logline may be too generic or vague, so spill the beans!
  8. Still having trouble? Feel free to share a synopsis of your story!
cyan shadow
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I'd suggest posting the answers to these questions, which will help nail down the what of your story

cyan shadow
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what kind of hustler are you talking about? that word can mean a lot of different things

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at what stage are you in the writing process? have you written the script? do you have an outline?

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so your synopsis describes some backstory in 1983 and then seemingly only one event in the present day of the story - this gala where Steve reveals the truth. Is that the entirety of the script?

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ah yes, number 7 not 8. I think a synopsis will help - this is still describing the story in abstract terms rather than the actual dramatic action of the narrative.

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hopefully that will also clarify further what kind of hustler, since "financially adjacent" could still mean a lot of different things.

cyan shadow
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if it's not relevant to the story, why is it how you're describing the character in your logline?

cyan shadow
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my point is it shouldn't be in your logline if it's not relevant