Consignment

[shell anchor]

Title: Consignment
Format: Speculative Feature
Genre: Horror / Action
Logline: An almost-retired truckie takes one last job hauling sealed cargo across the Australian desert. He soon realises the cargo isn't human — and others will kill to claim it.

[humble kiln]

I think this is a case where you've gotta tell us what's in the cargo

Great premise though

[shell anchor]

Thanks mate, is the cargo mystery intriguing, or kinda just annoying?

[rose storm]

Cool premise.

I agree the cargo should have front facing importance like in the movie “Sorcerer”. The cargo should be the main source of conflict and suspense so
telling us would be smart.

The logline for Sorcerer: Four unfortunate men from different parts of the globe agree to risk their lives transporting gallons of nitroglycerin across dangerous Latin American jungle.

For your logline my question is why do they want to claim and kill it and what does this mean for the truckie?

[shell anchor]

Thanks both!

[mint gazelle]

I'm gonna disagree and say you shouldn't tell us what it is, but I already don't assume cargo is human so that was odd

[shell anchor]

That's a great point. Thank you!

[earnest marsh]

Hmm personally I feel like it's a little indirect in where the main source of conflict/antagonism comes from. The implication of the inhuman cargo suggests that will be a focal point/obstacle/source of conflict itself but the last part suggests it's the others coming to kill him so they can secure the cargo themselves that are the main obstacle/conflict. I'm going to assume it's the latter in which case keeping intrigue around the cargo is probably better and it's really just a case of reworking for drama. I came up with this:

When an almost-retired truckie takes one last job hauling sealed cargo, he has to fight for his life against those who would kill for its mysterious contents

Then again even rereading that brings up a few questions that might need answers:

1. Is all the cargo he hauls usually sealed? If so, is this particular cargo sealed way more or using more/stronger measures than usual (in which case maybe he hesitantly takes this last job and this creates suspense for audience with implied danger, and the increased security also creates intrigue around the cargo with it being more sealed than anything else he's hauled). If not then maybe some mention of the unusual nature of this cargo being sealed when the rest aren't could be decent
2. Is the cargo itself deadly/dangerous?
3. What unique characteristics are there about the "others" that could make the antagonists seem more interesting than just killers? Are they part of a group? Are there multiple different people/groups coming to kill for it? Why do they want it so bad besides the cargo not being human? Their motivations may not be in the logline themselves but there could be inspiration for wording to be included that maybe hints at it in a way that gets the audience interested in the antagonists too

[golden delta]

I would try to keep it one sentence. A weary truckie’s last haul across the Australian outback turns into a fight for survival when the sealed cargo in his trailer reveals a terrifying secret others will kill to possess.

[finite patio]

If you reveal the contents of the cargo at the end of act 1, I would put it in the logline

for instance, for The Transporter, I would put that it's a little girl in his trunk in the logline

When a [adj] trucker discovers his latest cargo is [x], he must [objective] despite [specific details about who's chasing]