warm mirage
Title: Babybell Trans Track Club
Format: Feature
Genre: Sports drama/comedy
Logline: Facing their midlife crisis and a tough injury, a non-binary ultra runner begrudgingly recruits a group of young athletes to win an elite 200-mile relay race, defying the local politician determined to stop them.
Pages: 87
Trade: Absolutely!
Feedback concerns: Is this fun to read? Is the finale easy to follow and entertaining? Do the characters feel real? Got any other ideas for a title?
subtle shard
So excited to read this. This week has been nuts but I'm hoping to get to it soon. 🙏
unborn dagger
Just finished reading this script!
You have a really good story here, like really good. On the surface, you have an underdog story about an aging non-binary runner leading the next generation, but beneath it all is a wonderful exploration of queer intergenerational relations and camaraderie, and what it means to fight for your right to not just exist, but be seen. It's funny and tender and has the potential to be something really inspiring.
It does leave a little to be desired, however.
Ant is an all too recognizable portrait of those figureheads who make their bread and butter over stirring up queerphobic fearmongering, but he doesn't really feel like much of an antagonist-- he comes off more as an inconvenience than the grifter who wants to crush the protagonist's dreams for his own gain.
Really, I think the whole subplot with them getting barred from the race should be drawn out a little bit more. It's a great example of the transphobia that trans and nonbinary athletes experience, but it doesn't feel like something with stakes, and it kind of takes the wind out of the satisfaction we get when they do overcome these obstacles.
I'm not saying to lean into trauma porn or anything, but I do think that the transphobia that pervades society should be more tangible so that we can really see the runner's strength as they face off against it-- its just as much a part of the burn as ripped up feet, sweat soaked clothes, and torn ankles, but it does sting.
I also do feel like you could've done a little bit more with the other runners-- we need to see more of their lives as well, and the crises they're facing. I think there's a great opportunity to compare and contrast the crises of queer youths and the crises of queer elders, and their perception of each other's resolve.
Overall, this is really heartfelt material, it just needs to be drawn out a little bit more.