slow pivot
Hi! It's not easy for me, but I will try to tell as much as possible... I used to some things, so I just didn't notice them... I'm afraid of showing myself being vulnerable also, but i feel like i will do the right thing.
I'm Andreas, I'm a war refugee, although I feel like I just moved to another country and live there for 5 years already. I feel lonely all the time... This feeling was ghosting me for a long time I should say. I never fully trusted my family and there was no safe space for me to rest, to stop overthinking, to just relax. I don't know how to relax... I never felt safe truly and I'm paranoid about people and having trust issues. My family are homophobic, and they know my orientation. Although i've blocked them and have no contact, they're still in my head, showing in nightmares or in my anxious thoughts. I have anxiety to, that was declared by my psychiatrist. And a lot of other disorders. I don't have friends, except for one person i should say, but it seems like i didn't value him enough... And it's also because of something I don't know what exactly. I maybe refuse people that takes care of me. Anyway there's only one person that checks on me. Others are just people that I used to know.
I don't know what i want, i don't know even if I want something. I want to stop thinking at least for a sec, or disappear, or die... (I have suicidal thoughts sometimes, but they are "stable" during my therapy). And I'm bad at financial situation, so it would be hard to use paid help... Anyway if there's any way of anyone or anything that can help me, I would be grateful and will try to show it in any ways... Thank you for reading...
brazen pike