A name, idk what to call this | Pridecord | Page 1

As I sit here, doing this dreaded school work and listening to music I haven't in a while, I want to cry but I can't. I miss my grandmother, my cats, my dogs, family I haven't seen in a long while, people I was once friends with. I just feel numb, as if I've cried to much already and nothing will come out even if I wanted it to.
These songs I used to listen to when I was younger fills me with memories, some good, some I don't want to remember. I'm reminded of when my parents were still together, my grandma alive, my cats and dogs still there and I feel sorrow and nastolga. I miss them, I miss them all but they can't come back, even if I begged and prayed it would never happen..
I lie in bed, starring at the ceiling or just nothing, silently crying because the night, when none can see me, is the only time I allow myself to cry like that, I don't know why but it's just what I do. The silence is deafening, my headphones are dead, there isn't any fan on, nothing to stop my raw, unfiltered thoughts and I just lay there. Possibly disassociating, wishing I could go back to when I used to actually be happy instead of just a mask of happiness, an act instead of real happiness. I yearn for the feeling of real happiness again, not with underlying sadness of everything really, the fear of losing another family member, a pet, a friend, my girlfriend.

#A name, idk what to call this