broken flicker
I hate gender dysphoria. I look in the mirror and all I feel is anxiety and discomfort. I've done everything I currently can to make it less bad (basically all but medically transition and remove myself from certain people who misgender me), but, still, it pains me.
My main problem is my big hips right now, but I know those can never be fixed because I don't wanna do hrt because other side effects of it that I don't want and that will disregulate me (I want a completely gender neutral/null body). Even if I could and did do hrt, I doubt I could fully get rid of these big hips.
And, I know, maybe they don't look as big as I think they do, I DO struggle with body dysmorphia where things I don't like about my body look worse to me, but it really hurts. I even had an eating disorder, hoping to be able to hide better and lessen the more feminine parts of me, but everyone told me that it was wrong to have an eating disorder and forced me out of it, now I doubt I can go back.
I'll never feel full gender euphoria and completely comfortable in my body, will I?
granite crypt