I've lost hope that i'll ever get better

[abstract warren]

Last january, my boyfriend of 6 months dumped me and replaced me in a week. I felt sad and broken, and a then friend helped me a lot to get through it all. We ended up together, and i started to get better. Much better. I started to improve so much my psychologist was confused. I decided i'd go study in hamburg (keep in mind im south american), so i was nearer to him, and i put my heart and soul into getting to him. He is very mentally unstable, and yesterday, he said he was definitively breaking up with me. He said he felt he was hurting me too much and that i needed someone else. I was shattered. I begged him to stay in messages, audios, tried to call him. He blocked me on everything. I screamt and cried in the bathroom for about an hour before anyone managed to open the door. After this i cried more, but eventually, i just stopped crying. I started feeling numb, empty, but not sad. Just the feeling of something imbedded in my chest. I have since concluded that this is simply what i am and how i'll always feel. I feel a little bit better trying to accept that, but i dont enjoy almost anything anymore. I do my everyday tasks without a hitch, but i just feel nothing. I have been through this so many times and yet, i am just now realizing i should not be loved. But im glad i finally did.

[mellow oracle]

Hey, I don’t know if I will help but I will do my best

You say that you should not be loved but you deserve it. This self loathing mind set should be set aside. Sure love hurt but it also heals. People can love you, as a friend, as a family, as someone who deserves it. You don’t have to focus on the pain of heart break, instead you should focus on another love. Don’t hate yourself. That person blocked you to protect you, that shows that he loved you. You deserve love and most importantly you deserve to love yourself. So please, love yourself, you deserve it.

[abstract warren]

i just have gone through the exact same thing, down to the exact sequence of events so many times i just dont know anymore

[mellow oracle]

Hey now, just try your best to love yourself. It’s okay to feel sad or angry, it’s okay to feel happy, that emptiness you feel can be hurting you. Talk to people close to you, friends or family, there will be someone out there that is willing to help you get through this. Sometimes when others paint your canvas, the colors of your life slowly return.

[abstract warren]

i just dont seem to enjoy anything

in my free time i just walk around my house

im not sure what im looking for or trying to do

its just the only thing that makes sense

and im not saying all this just because of relationships

ive been depressed since i was 9

being with him was the only time i felt truly happy in such a long time

[mellow oracle]

I remember, I went through something similar

Not being able to enjoy anything

I couldn’t feel happy even when I play the only thing keeping me afloat

I felt empty like you said

I couldn’t feel anything

And over time it consumed me

I was in a void

I couldn’t get out

But that something happened

Idk know what

But it broke through that void

And all of a sudden

I could open up

And when I did, I broke down

But in a good way

Everything collapsed, the walls, the void,

I was free again

That emptiness was gone

So

It’s just my suggestion

But I think you should open up to someone

Because when the weight is shared,

You become lighter

And everything feel better

Whether all at once

Or slowly overtime

It feels

I guess I could say

It feels right

So I guess talk to someone

And if anything

You can talk to me

[mellow oracle]

🫂

[abstract warren]

Thank you

I can't say I really agree with you right now

But maybe with time it'll make more sense

[mellow oracle]

Yeah, thing take time, you don’t have to rush anything

[abstract warren]

I guess what feels different this time

Is that I don't want to kill myself at all

I just don't see any point in my life